I was reading the funnies this past weekend, and my eyes happened to scan something really frightening. And I'm not talking about the fact that a good 90% of the comics in any given newspaper aren't funny, either. This was a strip devoted to teaching children about interesting things around the world. This week's installment featured ... well, check it out:
It's a strip about Roald Dahl, which is, I suppose, a decent subject. Dahl's children's books are quite good and should be required reading for kids, because they're fantastical and exciting and funny but teach some decent lessons. I'm still astonished that no one has made a movie of Danny the Champion of the World, because I love the book and think it would be a great kid's movie that wouldn't be animated by Pixar or be about talking animals (although there is a stage show, so that's something). But that's not what's scary about this strip. Check out Dahl himself: Yeah, I'm not trusting Crazy Chocolate-Clutching Man to write books for my children! Couldn't they have made him look less menacing? I know he's smiling, but it's kind of a freaky smile.
It gets worse, if you recall the original strip. They have another drawing of Dahl above the main one. Here it is, in more detail: You know, if some old guy wearing "red trousers and cardigans that invariably had holes in the elbows" and those crappy sandals came near me holding out a big bag of onions like some kind of sacrificial offering, I think I'd run for the hills! Especially with that expression on his face!
Poor Roald Dahl. He deserves better than this, doesn't he?
The bridges of Portland, the befuddled Swiss army, plots to overthrow the government, Korean baseball brawls ... Yes, the links are back!
I decided to do some linking this week, and now I remember why I don't do this anymore. It took me a long time to find just these links, and I could only surf the web for the first few days of the week - at the end of the week I was just too busy. I love doing these posts, because there's so much weird stuff out there in cyberspace, but I probably won't do it again. Never say never, though! Who knows what the future will bring.
This is a bit old, but I thought it was interesting: Sonia ranks the U. S. presidents. Sonia leans a bit to the right, but she's usually pretty rational. Putting Bush II at #9 is a bit crazy, however (as is putting his father at #10). Actually, I don't think we can rank any president after Carter, because it's too soon.
If you want to protest the Iraq war, why wouldn't you dress like this? I found the story at Donklephant, which links to the original story. Why people are surprised that others treat them better when they dress in nice clothing is beyond me.
This is interesting: Blackwater USA has been banned from Iraq. Blackwater is a private security firm contracted by the State Department. Apparently some of the guards killed some civilian bystanders on Sunday. It will be interesting if this has any effect on the practice of farming out important tasks in Iraq, like security. Probably not. I found this at Majikthise.
Some famous fashion designer named Luella (we know she's famous because she only uses one name) has come up with a clothing line based on Batman. Yes, you read that right. Check it out: I found this at Blog@Newsarama.
Devon looks at major DC comics crossovers and what character developments came out of them here and here.
WHO DOESN'T LOVE FOOD?
If you're interested in buying a product that makes everything taste like bacon, why not try Bacon Salt? Under the product name is the actual tag, "Everything should taste like bacon". Um, sorry, but no it shouldn't.
I love the first sentence of this post. It's a bit ... pornographic, though, so be warned (no pictures, however, so it should be safe for work, unless your boss is reading over your shoulder, in which case you shouldn't be reading this anyway).
This is a bit old, but too good to pass up: Ashley points the way to ... OhMiBod. Just check it out - I can't ruin the surprise. You can also watch a video demonstrating the product.
Woody linked to this video: It's Korean baseball getting nasty. But "nasty" to Koreans means something far stranger than it means to us.
ICKY EXPLOITATIVE STUFF.
Do you know who Maddison Gabriel is? Why, she's the 12-year-old (she's now 13) who was chosen as the "official ambassador" of Gold Coast Fashion Week in Australia. I read about her here, which is also from where I stole this picture: The Prime Minister of Australia is outraged, and wants to ban models younger than 16 from appearing on catwalks. Ms. Gabriel, you see, actually did some modeling of decidedly adult fashion - bikinis and such. She, of course, thinks it's great. Her mother thinks John Howard, the PM, owes her an apology, saying a bunch of idiotic things, including "We're trying to get our teenage daughters to act older." Why, exactly? This just makes me sad. I'm not going to link to a picture of her in a bikini but not post it, because it's just icky. The picture isn't too objectionable, but it's still a 13-year-old modeling a bikini. I guess fashion designers like her because they design clothing for women with no breasts and no hips - just like normal 13-year-olds!
FUN MISCELLANEOUS.
I found this picture here. There's another fun ones there as well.
Jeff Parker has been blogging about thebridgesofPortland. Well, I find it interesting.
Blogger Play lets you view every single photograph uploaded to Blogger. It's mesmerizing and oddly touching, looking at peoples' lives flash by (you can pause it, too). I stole these two stunning photographs of New York from this post: I found the link at The Giant Fighting Robot Report.
CHEESECAKE AND BEEFCAKE. I'M ALL ABOUT EQUAL TIME!
You know what you need in your life? A calendar featuring Mormon men without their shirts on: This is causing some consternation among the Church elders, as you might expect. Sheesh, lighten up, people! Part of the proceeds go to the charities that the missionaries were involved with on their missions. The calendar, as you might expect, is big in the gay community.
I know this is a shameless excuse to post a picture of college girls in bikinis, but does this really look like a swim team? One of them is wearing a belt, for crying out loud! And don't they look a bit, um, chesty for a swim team? I stole the picture from here after seeing it at With Leather.
Tom's latest Object of His Affection (full list here!) is Olivia Munn: I usually have at least a marginal reason for posting attractive women, but not this time. I just think she looks pretty darned good in that costume.
That's it for this week. I hope you like the links, because I very much doubt they will appear again. Savor them! Remember: the Internet is a wild and wacky place. It's always fun to zip around it!
Goin' to California with an aching in my heart ...
I'm off to San Diego for the big comic book convention, and then Krys and I are going to Sedona and points north and west of Phoenix for the weekend. It's our anniversary on Monday and my parents are in town, so we don't have to take the kids! Yay! I'll be back with pictures of northern Arizona, where it's actually somewhat pleasant. Be good, all y'all!
"Guilty pleasures" is a lousy term, I've decided. We should be PROUD of things we love, no matter how crappy or embarrassing the outside world thinks they are! But there are some things we all enjoy that, let's be honest, are pretty crappy. Objectively speaking, of course. So I thought I'd list my ten favorite!
(Note: ABBA does not appear on this list. I contend that ABBA is not a guilty pleasure because ABBA is a great pop group. If you disagree, you might want to keep it to yourself, because when I'm dictator, I'm changing the national anthem to "Waterloo." So there.)
1. 1980s hair metal. Some of the music was very good. Pyromania is a great album, and Cinderella's Long Cold Winter is very good. Most of Van Halen's albums are excellent. But it's mostly crap, and I still love it. Bon Jovi, Tesla, freakin' Winger ("Dad says she's too young, but she's old enough for me!" - sing it, Kip!) and all the others - too many to name! I can't defend my love for the "genre," but I was growing up, and as an angry white youth in Reagan's America (okay, so I wasn't that angry), hair bands were the way to go! And then Nirvana came along and ruined it all. Damn you, Kurt Cobain!!!!!
2. The A-Team, The Dukes of Hazzard, and Knight Rider. There are a lot of television shows that could probably be on this list, but this is really the trifecta of crap that I used to love. (If you make fun of my love for Manimal, however, you and I will have to have words.) These three shows, viewed objectively, really sucked. I suppose The A-Team is the best of the lot, but even that wasn't that great. I'd like to say that I've grown out of these shows, but every once in a while they show up on some high-numbered cable channel and I have to watch for a while. I'm so ashamed!
3. Madonna's "Borderline." Holy crap, what a great song. Sure, it's cheesy, but I don't care. Maybe liking a Madonna song doesn't qualify as a "guilty pleasure," because a lot of people unabashedly do, but as a manly man (which I am, consarnit!), I shouldn't like this song. It's the only Madonna song I like, actually. Sing it with me: "Thinkin' I'm goin' to lose my mind ... You just keep on pushing my love over the borderline ..."
4. Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey. I don't think liking the first movie is really a guilty pleasure, because it's a fun, goofy comedy with a nice, fresh feel to it. But the sequel? More of the same, and even though the joke has worn thin, I still love it. How can you not love William Sadler as Death? And instead of playing chess with death a la The Seventh Seal, they play Battleship! Awesome.
5. Keanu movies in general. I have spoken of my man-crush on Keanu before (along with my man-crush on Brad Pitt), and I have to defend my boy. Despite being a mediocre actor, Keanu shows up in some very good movies in all genres. River's Edge, Dangerous Liaisons, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, Parenthood, I Love You to Death, My Own Private Idaho, Much Ado About Nothing, Little Buddha, Speed, The Devil's Advocate, The Matrix, The Gift, A Scanner Darkly ... some better than others, obviously (he does a very good job in River's Edge and My Own Private Idaho, two great movies), but all starring Keanu. It's bizarre. Whenever someone bashes Keanu, I feel the need to step in, even though I can't defend his acting. Strange.
6. 24. Yes, Kiefer's show is beloved by many, even highbrow critics, but come on - it's pretty much trash. Ridiculous threats to America, a hero who tortures, a body count in the thousands (and that's just this season!), corrupt politicians, a mole inside CTU every single season ... if this were a comic book, people would be complaining about how stupid it is. But because it's on television and stars Kiefer, everyone loves it. Including me. But it's still idiotic.
7. Dazzler. Comic book geeks all have their favorite characters that almost everyone else thinks is stupid, and Alison Blaire is mine. As with almost every comic book character, it's not that she's irredeemable - she converts sound into lasers, wants to be a singer, starred in a movie, fell in love with Longshot - it's that writers don't do very much with her. Her stint in the X-Men is still one of my favorite times for that group. I have to go buy her solo series, which apparently sucked but, you know, features Dazzler!
8. The White Rabbit. I don't know very much about the White Rabbit except that I know she's lame and she just showed up briefly in the latest issue of She-Hulk. I DO know that I have a great idea to use her, and when Joey Q gets his head out of his ass and lets me write the X-Men, she'll be prominently featured. You heard it hear first!
9. Michael Slade novels. I have written about my love for these blood-soaked police procedurals before. The first book, Headhunter, was a great book. The subsequent ones have varied in quality, but I keep reading them because they do a good job of showing how cops go about their business (I assume; the writers are lawyers, so they know a bit about it, one hopes). And they're entertaining. And the twisted ways the criminals go about committing horrific murders are fun. But they're pretty crappy books in the harsh light of day.
10. Pedicures. Before you criticize me for being less than a manly man, I'd ask you: have you ever gotten a pedicure? Or a manicure, for that matter? Judge not unless you have walked a mile in my shoes (or not in my shoes, as the case may be with pedicures). I even get my nails painted occasionally. But damn, they feel good. Go get a pedicure, you manly men out there, and then condemn me! You won't be able to, because your feet will feel too relaxed for you to care!
Anyone have any guilty pleasures they'd like to share? Don't be shy - we're all friends here!
There's no better way to celebrate Guy Fawkes' Day than with a pedicure!
I went to get a pedicure today, because pedicures are awesome. If you have never gotten a pedicure, I recommend them highly. I don't get them that often, but I should, especially living here in the desert, because my feet get very dry and callused. My mom is here to babysit the kids while we go on vacation, so I was able to accompany Krys to get my feet done.
Instead of linking to various explanations about Guy Fawkes' Day, I'll just link to my post from last year, which has a bunch of links to information. I urged you to read V For Vendetta by Alan Moore and David Lloyd, which incorporates the story, but if you're a visual kind of person, you can now watch the movie, which I reviewed here and which is, in my humble opinion, a truly great movie.
What's the deal with Guy Fawkes' Day, anyway? Are they celebrating his failure, in which case they enjoy being ruled by an oppressive regime that persecutes members of a different Christian sect, or all they celebrating the noble attempt, in which case they're lauding an early terrorist who advocated killing innocent people in the name of God. If only an actual English person would stop by and illuminate us ignorant Yanks!
For the past few weeks, I have been able on Mondays and sometimes Tuesdays to surf the Internets for those links we all love, and then I read comics on Wednesday afternoon and other things come up later in the week, and I don't end up with many. Well, I've been doing that so often recently that I have quite a number of interesting things. So, in order that they don't get too old, I thought I'd throw them out there and see what you think. Maybe something in them will interest you!
THE INSANITY OF THE UPTIGHT.
Just when you were starting to formulate reasons Arizona isn't the dumbest state in the nation comes this story from Saturday's newspaper. Eight statues of lions with rams trapped underneath them are being removed from the entrance to a children's water fountain park. Not because there's no reason for lions about to devour rams to be featured at a children's water park, but because some people have complained that the position of the animals is too sexual. Yes, you read that right. I'm dying to see if the little ones are upset by things that adults deem too sexual. As someone in the article states, adults with their minds in the gutter are the only ones who seem bothered by this. I think that lions pinning rams to the ground is kind of a weird thing to put there, but not because it's sexual. People are bizarre.
I'm stealing this picture from Kevin. I hope he forgives me. It's just too glorious:
I found quite a weird story here: the city of Gallatin, TN, is upset because scenes from a movie - Thong Girl 3 - were filmed in the mayor's office. Two things are interesting about this: it's not necessarily the nature of the movie, just that it's prohibited without the city council's approval; and that this is the third Thong Girl movie! And, of course, this wouldn't be the 21st century unless the filmmaker has a blog (with no bad pictures, trust me!) and you can always go the films' official website. Hey, look! Here's Thong Girl right now: Fightin' crime ... while wearing a thong.
Wicked Boring also links to this, in which a Democrat is forced to apologize for using the word "slavish" to describe a black Republican's devotion to his party. Because people are just so stupid.
I can't remember where I saw this, but check it out: Hot Chicks on Bikes. Totally work safe, I swear. Not enough posts, though. Let's go!
PRODUCTS YOU WANT TO SPEND MONEY ON.
I know you're dying to buy ... Jesus bandages! If you're dead and you slap one on, do you come back to life? It also comes with a Jesus toy. Who wouldn't want that?
From YesButNoButYes we get: this web site, where you can put your name in and find out how many people in the country share it. I am the only "Gregory Burgas" in the country! You can also go here, which has an astonishing collection of melons. Yes, melons:
FINALLY, THE CONTINUED SUBTLE EXPLOITATION OF WOMEN ... WITH CHEESECAKE PICTURES!
Gregg Easterbrook is always entertaining, and in last week's column he featured his cheerleader of the week, Laura of the Minnesota Vikings. Two things are interesting about Laura and her web page. First, she claims she is NOT six feet tall ... she's 71 inches. Okay, Laura. Second, click on the link and look at the URL to see how the Vikings feel about their cheerleaders. Interesting. This, of course, gives me an excuse to post her picture: Yeah, I'm a hypocrite. But at least I'm not a powerful organization like the Minnesota Vikings!
That's all she wrote for this week. Have fun with the links, and we'll see what transpires over the next few weeks before I leave. It's always a fine thing to revel in the madness of the web!
Tough week last week - Mia got botox injections, and they were both here all the time with less therapy than usual. I have one more week with both of them before Mia goes back to school, so we'll see if I'm still marginally sane at this time next week. All of this meant fewer postings after Top Ten Week, but I hope this giant linkdump will make up for it! It includes some links that are a few weeks old that I never got around to putting up, so I hope you'll forgive me. The YouTube section is worth the price of admission alone!
Let's get right to it with the Land Down Under!
THE MADNESS OF AUSTRALIA. Those people live on the bottom of the world, you know - who knows what's going on in their heads?
A biker gang in Sydney is auctioning off a day with them. Who wouldn't want to spend a day riding, terrorizing, eating, drinking, raping, and pillaging? I don't get it - if you want to spend a day with a biker gang that much, why don't you just start your own?
Rick Santorum is having some trouble in the Pennsylvania Senate race, so what does his Republican Party do for him? They give money to a Green Party candidate so he can get on the ballot, presumably to draw votes away from the Democratic challenger, Bob Casey. Now, Casey doesn't sound like much of a winner, either, but he can't be worse than Santorum, and it's fun to see that the GOP is so desperate that they would give money to a rival just to beat Casey. They should just admit that Santorum is, well, crazy.
Oh, the irony! Jonah Goldberg says that comparing someone to Hitler and the Nazis is the worst hallmark of a terrorist, yet his new book is called Liberal Fascism: The Totalitarian Temptation from Mussolini to Hillary Clinton. Good job, Jonah!
Sonia has brief bios of the two porn stars running for office this year. Interestingly enough, they're both Republicans (well, the second one is running as an Independent, but she's a Republican). Because of the subject matter and because it's Sonia's blog, I should warn you about clicking over there. Beware!
It's all about the sex. Strong language caution! But very funny and pretty spot-on, especially about the fundamentalists who know more about gay porn than my gay friends. Strange, that.
Here's a quote by Herman Goering that we can easily believe coming from the mouth of Dick Cheney. Don't worry - I'm not calling Cheney a Nazi. I'm just pointing out what people in positions of power - in any power structure - believe. And they're right, unfortunately.
This was all over the Internet a few weeks ago, but I saw it first at Blah Blah Flowers:Ann Coulter on Hardball, which need to be renamed. Among other things, she "jokes" that Al Gore is a "total fag," says seriously that Clinton is gay, and thinks it might be a good idea to bomb the U.N. headquarters in New York. I don't have that much of a problem with that, because she's pretty much insane anyway. But Chris Matthews, the host, sucks her dick pretty much the whole way through and tells her how happy they would be to have her back. Jon Stewart is harder on liberals than Matthews was on the crazy person. No wonder she says shit like this!
Wicked Boring points us to Fuck for Forest. Yes, you read that right. According to the website, they "use their sexuality and love to direct attention to and collect money for the earth's threatened nature." I checked out the site briefly (it's really not safe for work in any way) and I can't really figure out how they do this. It has quite a bit to do with porn, though. As pointed out in the original link, forest preservation organizations are a bit squeamish about taking their money. Because forest preservation organizations are apparently rolling in cash.
WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN? Stories of the little ones.
Last week a San Antonio topless club planned a tubing trip featuring strippers. This flies in the face of new rules about rowdy behavior on the river, and has led to some controversy. The best quote, however, comes from City Councilman Ken Valentine: "I'm really disappointed that this is going to occur on Sunday when people should be in church." I guess if it took place on a Saturday, it would be okay. Hell, Mr, Valentine would probably sign up!
This story is very interesting, and not just because it's from my little corner of the world. A family sells its farmland to developers, and one of its members designs the crops in a pattern like the future subdivision: This comes to us from Blog for Arizona. It's just another thing that is horrible about this place. We keep selling off farmland for more developments, which has a negative impact on the weather and the ecosystem. But nobody cares. As long as they get their cheap houses!
PHOTOGRAPHIC FUN. Because the proof of it is right there!
This is a weird sign: I found it here. It's a pretty cool blog, actually.
Advertisements were better back in the day: I got it here, and they found it here.
This video is almost indescribable, but I'll try. It's a Norwegian band doing "Total Eclipse of the Heart." They use kitchen appliances as percussion instruments. Just watch it! When you see the guy's ass, it catapults into sheer genius territory. I found it at Toner Mishap.
Someone has come up with a way for to write your very own Bill Simmons story! If you don't know who Bill Simmons is, it won't be funny, but if you do, it's hilarious. I got this from Basketbawful, where you can read an almost-perfect example of a fake Bill Simmons story.
Byzantium's Shores links to where you can buy ... a Snakes on a Plane necklace. For $350, who is going to buy this? In fact, if I ever see anyone wearing this, I may have to punch that person.
I must warn you: there's nudity at this link. Sonia does this kind of often, and the interesting thing about this one is that it's Clémence Poésy, whom American audiences probably know as Fleur Delacour from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. I'm just surprised that Disney would hire an actress who appeared naked in a movie prior to the Harry Potter movie. Strange.
THE POOR UNCATEGORIZABLE STUFF. I tried, I really did. But where can you put the dead eel throwing contest? Where?????
Man, those are a lot of links. I hope I successfully distracted you from all your work that you were supposed to get done on Friday and now didn't get done on Monday. Wasting time at work - that's why the Internet was invented!
Big bunnies, unisex bathrooms, Mr. T, destroy all robots!, pirate lingerie, and many Signs of the Apocalypse - all in the links!
Yes, this week I had time to zip around cyberspace and find all that's great and glorious about this big blue marble we inhabit. Can you handle the cosmic goodness of all the links?
Detective Bart Lasiter was in his office studying the light from his one small window falling on his super burrito when the door swung open to reveal a woman whose body said you've had your last burrito for a while, whose face said angels did exist, and whose eyes said she could make you dig your own grave and lick the shovel clean.
That's just painful. Lots more at the link, but beware - they are all as bad as this one!
Dave brings us: Bus Off A Cliff Comics! Excellent political humor, including my favorite: Dave did these himself, so I don't want to steal any more - go check the rest out at the link!
The school district in Arlington, TX, is banning "grills" - you know, those jewelry-encrusted things rappers wear on their teeth. There was an article in this week's newspaper about them and how unhygienic they are, but stupid people wearing stupid things on their body is as American as denying minorities their rights! Fashion is largely stupid, and trying to ban it never does anyone any good.
Speaking of fashion, Mr. T has ditched his gold chains after viewing the destruction wrought by Katrina. It's a sin against God, according to T, to wear such ostentatious bling while there are so many people put out by the hurricane. But I thought they were put out by the hurricane because they were sinning against God? Religion is so confusing. I'll miss the gold chains. It's like KISS without the makeup!
Go Fug Yourself brings us an unidentified poorly-dressed person: Fashion makes my head hurt.
COMIC BOOK WACKINESS. When comics take the place of classic literature, you'll all be sorry you don't read them!
Is this guy serious? According to him (well, I assume it's a him, but it could be a her), if Israel didn't exist Jews and Muslims would live in perfect harmony. WTF? One thing that bugs me about crazy liberals is their occasional hatred of Israel. I don't think Israel is the shining paragon of goodness that conservatives make it out to be, but it certainly has a right to exist. Israel not existing wouldn't help solve the problems in the Middle East. I hate to agree with crazy right-wingers like Ace, where I found this, but this is just ridiculous.
Echidne links to this article about how liberal Christianity is dying because people want authoritarian sects telling them what to do, and then rips it to shreds. It's fascinating because I have always heard that the Catholic Church is in crisis, yet they seem to be more authoritarian than anyone. The author kind of skims over that point.
This has been making the rounds, but if you missed it, it's new to you! The Disgruntled Chemist first brought it to my attention. He pointed out this story in The Onion. It's amusing enough, but this pro-lifer thought it was serious and really ripped into it. Over a thousand comments later, most telling him how stupid he was, and he responded here. Satire is dead, apparently.
Kate Hudson likes porn, apparently. Or, more specifically, she doesn't mind if her husband watches it. I doubt if she'll have to worry about it much longer - aren't they due for a divorce?
Dave finds something that's pretty disturbing. He found a message board where people are happy because of all the crap that's going on in the world because it means the Rapture is coming soon. And I'm pretty sure they're serious.
Here are some nice signs trying to get abled people to stop parking in disabled parking spaces. My favorite is: The other two don't have the swearing, but they're still good. I found this at ahistoricality. Ever since we got our handicapped parking tag, I've noticed only a few times where it appeared someone was blatantly abusing it. My darling wife actually threatened to call the cops on a guy once who was parked in a handicapped space. This was after she politely asked him if he had a tag and made a big deal about dragging Mia's wheelchair out of the van. The guy had a hard time getting the hint, I guess.
The Ministry of Information gives us this bit of information: Ladies, you know you want them! The manufacturer thought, "How can I make stiletto heels even more uncomfortable? I know - I'll make the shoes out of metal!"
Are you looking for the best nudist resorts? Sure you are! Go here for four of the best. If you peruse this woman's blog, you'll know she's very qualified to discuss this.
Here's a link some nice old-school pictures of the Liberty Theater in Portland, courtesy of Stumptown Confidential. Have I mentioned how much I miss Portland? Sigh.
This links to Nudist Trampolining. Don't worry, it's totally work safe! Well, maybe 98% work safe.
Finally, we have this: Missile tests over New Mexico. Yes, it's very pretty. Yes, it's kind of freaky!
That's all for this week. I hope you have fun wasting time with these - remember, surfing the Internets is best done while you're supposed to be working! Nobody reads those TPS reports anyway!
