This is weird

Today I was listening to the radio, as I often do in my automobile. During the commercial interruption, a advertisement for a car dealership here in the Basin came on (I think it was a Toyota dealership, but that's not really relevant). In these tough economic times, people are trying to get you to buy stuff, but they need to offer incentives. Usually this translates into zero money down or zero interest for a period of time. That's what this dealership was offering. What made me chuckle was the background music they used to help sell their plan:

"Saved by Zero" by The Fixx.

Holy crap, what a reference. "Saved by Zero," for those of you who don't own The Fixx's 1983 seminal album Reach the Beach, appears on The Fixx's 1983 seminal album Reach the Beach. It's actually not a bad song or a bad album, if you must know. The commercial didn't even feature The Fixx's version - it was a goofy, cheesy, Casio-keyboard-inspired version.

It just seemed odd. "Saved by Zero" wasn't a huge hit, was it?

What I've been reading

Perfect From Now On: How Indie Rock Saved My Life by John Sellers. 215 pages, 2007, Simon & Schuster.

Fans of obsessive behavior as well as music should love this book. It's a very funny and extensive look at "indie" rock and how music affects our lives. Anyone who has collected music to the extent that Sellers does (or even a fraction of the amount he has, because he's pretty comprehensive) or even collected anything else (for me, it's comics, but even I'm a piker compared to Sellers) will find something pertinent to his or her situation in this book. It's a nice light read, but it offers some nice nostalgic musing on rock since the mid-1970s, as well as documenting Sellers' journey to hipster doofus.

Sellers was born in 1970, which means this is a perfect book for someone like me (who was born in 1971). Sellers isn't obsessed with Sixties music (the first sentence of the book is: "I hate Bob Dylan"), but he's also not enamoured of pop music of the last decade. Therefore, although he loves certain bands I've never heard (most of the latter part of the book is taken up with his devotion to Guided By Voices, a band I've heard of but never heard), he discusses his love for Eighties metal and Nineties indie bands, and I feel more comfortable reading this than if he wrote paeans to the Beach Boys (I don't get their genius, sorry) or newer bands like ... um, yeah, I'll get back to you. That's not to say he doesn't know far too much about new bands, but for most of the book, he's talking about music I grew up with (not necessarily listened to, as I still have never heard Daydream Nation, to pick a random "great" album from the 1980s), and therefore the familiarity factor helps. It may not for you if you're significantly older or younger than Sellers. Or it may.

Sellers goes into great detail about his childhood and life leading up to his great obsession with Guided By Voices, including his father's similar obsession with Dylan (hence the Dylan-hatred, which is understandable when you're exposed to it ad infinitum throughout your childhood) and the impact music has had on his life. An early paragraph gives you an idea about the kind of book Sellers is writing:

A partial list of things music has made me do: fly overseas at considerable expense to see a live performance by a and I no longer liked, nurture a crush on a goth chick way out of my league, nurture a crush on an alternachick way out of my league, write a love letter to a German woman made up entirely of lyrics from my favorite synth band, reconsider fast friendships, get ticketed for doing 82 in a 55, drive around a remote area of England looking for a hero's grave, wear parachute pants without irony, perform the moonwalk in front of a crowded gymnasium, switch college majors, miss a final exam, shoplift (both successfully and unsuccessfully), dive to the bottom of a numbingly cold Scottish pond to retrieve my favorite T-shirt, stab my thumb into the back of a fellow concert attendee's neck to get closer to the stage, drink too much, lose my voice, stage-dive, cry, and regret.

If any of this pertains to you, even a little bit, Sellers will make you laugh. He speaks from a typical American childhood - he grew up in Grand Rapids, Michigan, weaned on AOR stuff like Journey and Foreigner, got interested in metal like Van Halen, and never knew that there was anything else until he went to college. He gets into "alternative" stuff with U2 circa 1985 - before The Joshua Tree - and gradually moved on to the Smiths and New Order. Through New Order he discovered Joy Division and Ian Curtis (whose grave he looks for in England) and then on to even more alternative music. Which led him to Guided By Voices.

Sellers' prose is easy-going and nicely self-deprecating, but he does have that whiff of elitism about him, which he readily admits. The fact that he recognizes his elitism makes it funny but doesn't make it any less elitist. Let's face it - anyone who collects something to the point of obsession is going to think they're the best at it, or the biggest fan, or the most knowledgeable. Sellers makes the point throughout that he kept getting on the bandwagon late, after the bands had gotten some mainstream success, and he makes the all-too-true point that occasionally you want your favorite band to remain anonymous so that your love of them will be a badge of honor. We all do this to a certain extent, and Sellers does a nice job at exploring this feeling. It's a fine line to walk between his elitism coming through and his ripping that same elitism down, and for the most part, he does a nice job. Only toward the end does it become a bit annoying, which I'll get to. A nice thing about reading this book and being contemporary with Sellers is that you feel like he's talking about me. I know that not everyone grew up in a middle-class, mostly white area and listened to "classic" rock until they went to college, where a friend turned them on to the many different vistas of music (in my case it was my friend Dave Boger, who let me listen to the first Violent Femmes tape in 1989), but I did, and Sellers could be writing about my musical curve as well as his own, although mine doesn't go as far as his. This might make me more favorably inclined to the book, although I suspect that many people go through this arc, even if the bands might have different names.

Sellers also has good credentials to back up his tastes. He has invested heavily in the bands he likes, and done a lot of research. That gives him a more steady place from which to espouse his opinions, even though that's all they are - opinions. The appeal of the Pixies continues to escape me, and I do not share his near-maniacal worship of Ian Curtis. Joy Division is lousy, according to me. But I recognize the feelings behind the opinions, and that makes his self-assuredness palatable even when I don't like the band in question (Sellers' favorite album is The Queen is Dead by the Smiths, another band I don't "get," and he loves Dinosaur Jr., even though J Mascis sounds like a particularly nasally cat in heat).

Where Sellers falters a bit is in his devotion to Guided By Voices and the lengths to which he will go to see them and become part of the "inner circle" of Robert Pollard (the band's leader and only consistent member), who get to hang out at his house and drink copious amounts of beer. His obsession doesn't really take a dark turn, and his writing is as funny as ever, but reading about Sellers getting in with his hero doesn't resonate as much with me. Then the story becomes a bit more personal, as the band's publicist sends out an e-mail to the mailing list telling them that Sellers is a journalist who is going to write about the band in an upcoming book even though he presented himself to Pollard as just a fan. The Guided By Voices message board lights up with death threats, and Sellers writes an abject apology to Pollard. Sellers never says it, but this points out the dark side of obsession - fans rising as one to threaten someone who might dare to give their band some publicity. Maybe Pollard doesn't want it (he's never courted superstardom, after all), but I bet more people will hear about Guided By Voices through this book than most of the magazine articles about them, so I don't know why anyone would get upset at Sellers. These chapters about his trip to Dayton, Ohio, where Pollard lives, and then the fallout from the revelation that he's a journalist are the weakest in the book, because it's nothing you can't find on a blog or message board where people take something minor and make a mountain out of it. It's just dull.

But for the most part, this is a fun memoir and a relatable journey through music in the 1980s and 1990s. Sellers peppers it with extremely long footnotes that are often more entertaining than the main narrative (including a letter to Kevin Shields of My Bloody Valentine imploring him to make more music, plus an 11-page footnote (!) documenting his observance of the day Ian Curtis died - 18 May - in 2005) and appendices in which he makes lists (as he points out in the book, you're not a true music nerd unless you've made lists) that include 8 "dingers" (albums with no bad tracks on them) to the top 5 songs that annoy him more than any in the world ("American Pie" is #1, which I suspect would be on the top of many people's lists) and offers a formula you can use to rank your musical preferences (Radiohead is much, much better than the Strokes, by the way). Sellers does a fine job hooking us and keeping us on the hook, and even though the book slows when he actually gets to meet his hero and the deplorable behavior of Guided By Voices' fans makes us wonder why anyone would want to be obsessive about music, it's still a nice read. I'm not sure how indie rock saved his life, but it's still fun to read Sellers' musical reminiscences.

Choose that album!

Writing briefly about Achtung Baby yesterday reminded me that Spin magazine put it on the top 100 albums of the past twenty years but not The Joshua Tree, which is about as wrong as you can get. With that in mind, choose the correct album! You may be wrong, you may be right, but that's what competition is all about!

The Beatles: (a) Revolver or (b) The White Album?

The Who: (a) Who's Next or (b) Quadrophenia?

Led Zeppelin: (a) Physical Graffiti or (b) IV?

Pink Floyd: (a) Dark Side of the Moon or (b) Wish You Were Here?

U2: (a) The Joshua Tree or (b) Achtung Baby?

Van Halen: (a) I or (b) 1984?

Nirvana: (a) Nevermind or (b) In Utero?

Pearl Jam: (a) Ten or (b) Vs.?

PJ Harvey: (a) Rid of Me or (b) To Bring You My Love?

Jane's Addiction: (a) Nothing's Shocking or (b) Ritual de lo Habitual?

Prince: (a) Purple Rain or (b) Sign "O" the Times?

Beck: (a) Odelay or (b) Sea Change?

James: (a) Seven or (b) Laid?

Jimi Hendrix: (a) Are You Experienced? or (b) Axis: Bold as Love?

Public Enemy: (a) It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back or (b) Fear of a Black Planet?

The Pogues: (a) Rum, Sodomy and the Lash or (b) If I Should Fall From Grace with God?

Beastie Boys: (a) Licensed to Ill or (b) Paul's Boutique?

ABBA: (a) Everything they've ever released or (b) Nothing they've ever released?

Okay, that last one was a bit of a trick question. I also know I gave no criteria for picking. You should know! Answer in the comments! Your life could depend on it!¹

¹But probably doesn't.

Top Ten Day: My favorite guilty pleasures

"Guilty pleasures" is a lousy term, I've decided. We should be PROUD of things we love, no matter how crappy or embarrassing the outside world thinks they are! But there are some things we all enjoy that, let's be honest, are pretty crappy. Objectively speaking, of course. So I thought I'd list my ten favorite!

(Note: ABBA does not appear on this list. I contend that ABBA is not a guilty pleasure because ABBA is a great pop group. If you disagree, you might want to keep it to yourself, because when I'm dictator, I'm changing the national anthem to "Waterloo." So there.)

1. 1980s hair metal. Some of the music was very good. Pyromania is a great album, and Cinderella's Long Cold Winter is very good. Most of Van Halen's albums are excellent. But it's mostly crap, and I still love it. Bon Jovi, Tesla, freakin' Winger ("Dad says she's too young, but she's old enough for me!" - sing it, Kip!) and all the others - too many to name! I can't defend my love for the "genre," but I was growing up, and as an angry white youth in Reagan's America (okay, so I wasn't that angry), hair bands were the way to go! And then Nirvana came along and ruined it all. Damn you, Kurt Cobain!!!!!

2. The A-Team, The Dukes of Hazzard, and Knight Rider. There are a lot of television shows that could probably be on this list, but this is really the trifecta of crap that I used to love. (If you make fun of my love for Manimal, however, you and I will have to have words.) These three shows, viewed objectively, really sucked. I suppose The A-Team is the best of the lot, but even that wasn't that great. I'd like to say that I've grown out of these shows, but every once in a while they show up on some high-numbered cable channel and I have to watch for a while. I'm so ashamed!

3. Madonna's "Borderline." Holy crap, what a great song. Sure, it's cheesy, but I don't care. Maybe liking a Madonna song doesn't qualify as a "guilty pleasure," because a lot of people unabashedly do, but as a manly man (which I am, consarnit!), I shouldn't like this song. It's the only Madonna song I like, actually. Sing it with me: "Thinkin' I'm goin' to lose my mind ... You just keep on pushing my love over the borderline ..."

4. Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey. I don't think liking the first movie is really a guilty pleasure, because it's a fun, goofy comedy with a nice, fresh feel to it. But the sequel? More of the same, and even though the joke has worn thin, I still love it. How can you not love William Sadler as Death? And instead of playing chess with death a la The Seventh Seal, they play Battleship! Awesome.

5. Keanu movies in general. I have spoken of my man-crush on Keanu before (along with my man-crush on Brad Pitt), and I have to defend my boy. Despite being a mediocre actor, Keanu shows up in some very good movies in all genres. River's Edge, Dangerous Liaisons, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, Parenthood, I Love You to Death, My Own Private Idaho, Much Ado About Nothing, Little Buddha, Speed, The Devil's Advocate, The Matrix, The Gift, A Scanner Darkly ... some better than others, obviously (he does a very good job in River's Edge and My Own Private Idaho, two great movies), but all starring Keanu. It's bizarre. Whenever someone bashes Keanu, I feel the need to step in, even though I can't defend his acting. Strange.

6. 24. Yes, Kiefer's show is beloved by many, even highbrow critics, but come on - it's pretty much trash. Ridiculous threats to America, a hero who tortures, a body count in the thousands (and that's just this season!), corrupt politicians, a mole inside CTU every single season ... if this were a comic book, people would be complaining about how stupid it is. But because it's on television and stars Kiefer, everyone loves it. Including me. But it's still idiotic.

7. Dazzler. Comic book geeks all have their favorite characters that almost everyone else thinks is stupid, and Alison Blaire is mine. As with almost every comic book character, it's not that she's irredeemable - she converts sound into lasers, wants to be a singer, starred in a movie, fell in love with Longshot - it's that writers don't do very much with her. Her stint in the X-Men is still one of my favorite times for that group. I have to go buy her solo series, which apparently sucked but, you know, features Dazzler!

8. The White Rabbit. I don't know very much about the White Rabbit except that I know she's lame and she just showed up briefly in the latest issue of She-Hulk. I DO know that I have a great idea to use her, and when Joey Q gets his head out of his ass and lets me write the X-Men, she'll be prominently featured. You heard it hear first!

9. Michael Slade novels. I have written about my love for these blood-soaked police procedurals before. The first book, Headhunter, was a great book. The subsequent ones have varied in quality, but I keep reading them because they do a good job of showing how cops go about their business (I assume; the writers are lawyers, so they know a bit about it, one hopes). And they're entertaining. And the twisted ways the criminals go about committing horrific murders are fun. But they're pretty crappy books in the harsh light of day.

10. Pedicures. Before you criticize me for being less than a manly man, I'd ask you: have you ever gotten a pedicure? Or a manicure, for that matter? Judge not unless you have walked a mile in my shoes (or not in my shoes, as the case may be with pedicures). I even get my nails painted occasionally. But damn, they feel good. Go get a pedicure, you manly men out there, and then condemn me! You won't be able to, because your feet will feel too relaxed for you to care!

Anyone have any guilty pleasures they'd like to share? Don't be shy - we're all friends here!

Worst. Lyrics. Ever.

The category: Pop Music. The question: What is the lamest line of lyrics ever?

My answers:

"I feel a hunger, it's a hunger" by Eddie Money in "Take Me Home Tonight" and "Only time will tell if we stand the test of time" by Van Halen in "Why Can't This Be Love?"

I think Sammy takes the crown because there's a bit of disagreement about what Eddie Money is actually saying. He mumbles a lot, don't you know.

What's your worst line of music ever? All five of my loyal readers, chime in!

Some links I had lying around

For the past few weeks, I have been able on Mondays and sometimes Tuesdays to surf the Internets for those links we all love, and then I read comics on Wednesday afternoon and other things come up later in the week, and I don't end up with many. Well, I've been doing that so often recently that I have quite a number of interesting things. So, in order that they don't get too old, I thought I'd throw them out there and see what you think. Maybe something in them will interest you!

THE INSANITY OF THE UPTIGHT.

Just when you were starting to formulate reasons Arizona isn't the dumbest state in the nation comes this story from Saturday's newspaper. Eight statues of lions with rams trapped underneath them are being removed from the entrance to a children's water fountain park. Not because there's no reason for lions about to devour rams to be featured at a children's water park, but because some people have complained that the position of the animals is too sexual. Yes, you read that right. I'm dying to see if the little ones are upset by things that adults deem too sexual. As someone in the article states, adults with their minds in the gutter are the only ones who seem bothered by this. I think that lions pinning rams to the ground is kind of a weird thing to put there, but not because it's sexual. People are bizarre.

DEPRESSING TRENDS.

Here's a new blog: A Woman Was Lynched Today. It's sad that it is necessary to track crimes against women.

COMIC BOOK STUFF.

Brian Hughes is re-reading Flex Mentallo. Holy crap, is Flex Mentallo excellent. Here's his take on issue #1, and here he looks at issue #2. He hasn't gotten to issue #3 yet.

I'm stealing this picture from Kevin. I hope he forgives me. It's just too glorious:


I found quite a weird story here: the city of Gallatin, TN, is upset because scenes from a movie - Thong Girl 3 - were filmed in the mayor's office. Two things are interesting about this: it's not necessarily the nature of the movie, just that it's prohibited without the city council's approval; and that this is the third Thong Girl movie! And, of course, this wouldn't be the 21st century unless the filmmaker has a blog (with no bad pictures, trust me!) and you can always go the films' official website. Hey, look! Here's Thong Girl right now:

Fightin' crime ... while wearing a thong.

Chris Sims reads Tarot: Witch of the Black Rose so you don't have to! In case you don't know anything about this comic book, this is a typical panel:

In fact, that might be a bit tame for this book.

Speaking of Chris, he also delves deep into the best-selling comic book of all time: X-Men #1. Wow, I own this book and enjoy it, but he's right - it's kind of goofy.

Dave Campbell looks at X-Statix #24, which features Iron Man and Mr. Sensitive fighting each other ... naked. Whoo-hoo!

Scipio brings us ... octopus love!

Oh, Alan, how could you?

Scipio has also managed to interview Aquaman. Not to be missed! And, he gives us the grooviest Aquaman panel ever:


Jake shows what happens when Green Lantern meets Freddie Mercury!

POLITICAL NUTTERY.

Should we partition Iraq into three parts? I'm sure the president doesn't want to hear that!

Speaking of the War on Terror™, remember Afghanistan? Yeah, it's going into the shitter. Good to know that we care.

Sadly, until the election in a couple of weeks, you are not allowed to criticize incumbent politicians. Welcome to America!

In the wake of the Mark Foley scandal, there's only one thing to do: Shut down the page program. Sure, because it's their fault.

Dick Cheney gets grumpy. I know, shocking.

What you don't know about your prescription drugs might kill you. How nice.

One of Andrew Sullivan's readers spotted a bumper sticker. Here it is:

Spotted, of course, in Portland, OR. I miss my old town!

Keith Olbermann is a shameless Clinton apologist, but other than that, he makes some very good points, like here, when he rips Bush a new one:


I'm sure lots of people have already seen this, but it's still worthwhile: the murder of habeas corpus.


Speaking of which, Glenn Greenwald shows why Bush just doesn't get it with regard to the loss of habeas corpus. Silly man. And, of course, Fox News lies to its viewers about the act. Naturally.

Bush Republicans are all for torture! Good to know. This comes from Andrew Sullivan.

Daddy Dialectic had some interesting posts a while back. Here's one about conservative parenting techniques, one about corporal punishment, and one about why conservatives just don't get it when it comes to kids. It's a very interesting blog all around.

And while we're caring about the children, parents in Kansas are concerned about showing pregnant teens and other bad folk in a high school yearbook. Oh, the horror! The kids will be warped if they see girls getting pregnant! I found this at Education Wonks.

Lots more education links here, including a teacher getting hacked to death in Mexico for opposing a teacher strike. That's just wacky.

The United States gets tough ... on space. Take that, space! Dear Lord. I found this at Wicked Boring.

Wicked Boring also links to this, in which a Democrat is forced to apologize for using the word "slavish" to describe a black Republican's devotion to his party. Because people are just so stupid.

You may have already seen this - the new government signs about what to do in terrorists attacks. Funny stuff. I found this here.

ROCK AND ROLL KOOKINESS.

I found this here: Rock album covers go to war! Someone has too much time on their hands!


INTERNATIONAL DUMBASSERY.

As What Would Tyler Durden Do? points out, the government of Kazakhstan gets grumpy because Sacha Baron Cohen, in his guise as Borat, makes fun of them and calls them stupid. They want him to knock it off! They probably shouldn't spell the word "bank" incorrectly on their currency, then.

Thai lingerie workers wave bras to defy martial law! Those kooky Thai lingerie workers! I found this at Dave Barry's blog.

BLOGGING ABOUT BLOGGING.

The GayProf was tired of blogging for a while (he's back), but in the meantime, he listed some fun things you blog about when you're tired of blogging. And there are videos!

Ragnell makes a good point about blogs.

RANDOM WEIRD BLOGS.

I can't remember where I saw this, but check it out: Hot Chicks on Bikes. Totally work safe, I swear. Not enough posts, though. Let's go!

PRODUCTS YOU WANT TO SPEND MONEY ON.

I know you're dying to buy ... Jesus bandages! If you're dead and you slap one on, do you come back to life? It also comes with a Jesus toy. Who wouldn't want that?

Andy Martello found this:

How can this not be the greatest thing ever?

HALLOWEEN MERRIMENT.

Andy also gives us ten Halloween costumes you can make with the old suits in your closet. My favorite one is the retarded monkey!

Is this a brilliant Halloween costume? Deb Geisler thinks so.

MORE MISCELLANY THAT FITS NOWHERE ELSE.

Mr. Gisby's Totally Gay Pet Shop. Yeah, I'm a bit scared as well. Look around the site!

From YesButNoButYes we get: this web site, where you can put your name in and find out how many people in the country share it. I am the only "Gregory Burgas" in the country! You can also go here, which has an astonishing collection of melons. Yes, melons:


YesButNoButYes also points us to unintentionally sexual video games. Lots of fun stuff.

FINALLY, THE CONTINUED SUBTLE EXPLOITATION OF WOMEN ... WITH CHEESECAKE PICTURES!

Gregg Easterbrook is always entertaining, and in last week's column he featured his cheerleader of the week, Laura of the Minnesota Vikings. Two things are interesting about Laura and her web page. First, she claims she is NOT six feet tall ... she's 71 inches. Okay, Laura. Second, click on the link and look at the URL to see how the Vikings feel about their cheerleaders. Interesting. This, of course, gives me an excuse to post her picture:

Yeah, I'm a hypocrite. But at least I'm not a powerful organization like the Minnesota Vikings!

That's all she wrote for this week. Have fun with the links, and we'll see what transpires over the next few weeks before I leave. It's always a fine thing to revel in the madness of the web!

Top Ten Day: My favorite albums

After the runaway success of "Top Ten Week," I had planned on doing a Top Ten Day each week, because I have plenty of things I can make lists out of! Things got in the way, however, and although I started this post a month ago, I haven't had a chance to finish it. It's tough making a list of your favorite albums! So I hope I will be able to do a Top Ten Day every week, either on Thursday or Friday, because lists are p-h-u-n! Let's get started!

I suppose saying "albums" is anachronistic, as I don't own any actual albums anymore (well, I suppose my parents probably still have a few - I used to have Cargo by Men At Work on vinyl, as well as Buckner and Garcia's Pac-Man Fever - the entire album!), but I don't know what else to call them. I also understand that even CDs are becoming passe, as iPods take over and make it easier and easier to customize anything you listen to and skip the songs you don't like. Well, I don't own an iPod, and I love entire albums! So here are my ten favorite. As usual, I don't claim that these are the best albums out there - I probably own several that are more technically proficient and lyrically stronger than these. But these are the ones that I know practically every lyric to, the ones I might be able to sing completely through by heart, the ones I spontaneously sing occasionally when I'm not thinking. In other words, my favorites. If you've ever read any of my greatest songs lists, you should know that you should tremble in fear! So, in no particular order (except the first one, my favorite album EVER):

1. Marillion, Misplaced Childhood, 1985. I know people who read this blog regularly are sick of my love of Marillion, but I don't care. Ironically, I was introduced to them in 1985 when my sister, of all people, came back from Germany with two of their albums on tape, including this one (I say "ironically" because, according to me, my sister has horrendous taste in everything). I liked the album enough to get it for myself. It's a concept album, but most of the songs stand on their own. The music is beautiful and haunting, and Fish's lyrics, which occasionally drift into the completely oblique (as happened on their previous release, Fugazi), stay grounded in the story of lost love and innocence. Some of the songs are classics - the album begins with the trifecta of "Pseudo Silk Kimono," "Kayleigh" (one of the best love songs ever, in my humble opinion), and "Lavender," and ends with "Childhoods End?" and "White Feather," in which Fish brings his journey through life and dealing with celebrity and disappointment with politics back to the theme of the album, which is how we lose a certain kind of innocence when we grow up but that we need to remain idealistic, if not innocent, in order to become truly happy. It's ultimately an uplifting album, and pulls together everything I love about Marillion. I still listen to it often, and know every single word and nuance.

2. Jesus Christ Superstar soundtrack, 1971. Krys laughs at me whenever I listen to this (I taped the original cast album from the 1970s, although I want to get a CD of one of the newer versions) because I cannot be interrupted the instant the singing starts: "My mind is clearer now ..." says Judas, and from there we're off. I could do a one-man show of this musical, I think. Not only is it good early 1970s-acid rock, it has a very nice love song ("I Don't Know How to Love Him"), the creepy premonitions of Pilate (the sad "Pilate's Dream"), Jesus and his doubts (the powerfully angry and ultimately tragic "Gethsemane"), the two songs between Jesus and Pilate ("Pilate and Christ" and "Trial Before Pilate" - to me, the two best songs on the album), and Judas' angry contemplation of why Jesus did what he did ("Superstar"). The movie added "Could We Start Again Please," which is a nice song about the doubts of Peter and Mary, and included the astonishing imagery of various artistic interpretations of Christ on the cross during "Gethsemane," but for the most part, the album's music and words stand on its own. This remains my favorite musical.

3. The Horse Flies, Gravity Dance, 1991. I have talked briefly about my love for this album before, and it remains one of my favorites. I don't know why I bought it back in 1991 - it was during the time when I would go into record stores and simply buy tapes and CDs by bands I had never heard of but thought sounded neat. Occasionally I would get a clunker, but I did find some great bands that way, and this is one of them. It includes the wildly fun tune "Roadkill," which is about, yes, eating things off the side of the road, and "I Need a Plastic Bag (to Keep My Brains In)," but it also includes the unbelievably beautiful "Two Candles" and a touching tribute to resisting oppressive governments, "Time is Burning." The Horse Flies are a weird pseudo-folk band with lots of other influences - some calypso rhythms, some zydeco - but they blend these things well and come up with brilliant off-the-wall lyrics. They never released another "real" album - they did a couple of soundtracks and a live album - but apparently they're out there somewhere kicking up some fun shit.

4. Mother Love Bone, Apple, 1990. You could call this grunge, I suppose, but MLB's only album (before lead singer Andrew Wood overdosed on heroin and a couple of the members formed Pearl Jam) is a brilliant piece of late 1980s hair metal with all the pretention drained out of it. The guys looked like they should be in Slaugter, but Wood's psychedelic lyrics and Stone Gossard's Led Zeppelin-esque guitars meant they were so much more than just metal. From the grind of "This is Shangrila" to the rocking goofiness of "Holy Roller" (with Wood intoning "The boys from Mother Love Bone are like ... soup ... they're like ... nothing bad ..."), to the transcendent majesty of "Stargazer" and pained yearning of "Crown of Thorns," Apple never fails to shine. It's out of print, but it's available as a compilation with their EP from 1989, Shine, which is pretty good too. As much as I like Pearl Jam, I always wonder what would have happened if Wood could have stayed off the junk.

5. Beastie Boys, Paul's Boutique, 1989. A while ago someone mentioned that he liked Licensed to Ill more than this. That's his opinion, but he can't say it's a better album than Paul's Boutique, and I still like this one more. Licensed to Ill is frat-boy rap, and it's perfectly fine, but I hear something new whenever I listen to this, and that's even when I can recite almost the entire album by memory. Not only is this album magnificent lyrically ("Excuse me young lady I don't mean to trouble ya but you're lookin' mighty fine inside your BMW"; "Like Sam the butcher bringing Alice the meat, like Fred Flintstone driving around with bald feet"; "Long distance from my girl and I'm talking on the cellular, she said that she was sorry and I said yeah the hell you were"), but somehow the Boys and the Dust Brothers cram in the most samples you could ever hope to hear, seamlessly. It's astonishing to hear all the little things they stuff in and keep the flow going so smoothly. I absolutely love this album. It's far too much fun for its own good.

6. Pearl Jam, Ten, 1991. I suppose that Vs. and Vitalogy are "better" albums in that they are musically more interesting and the boys are more daring on it, but for sheer kick-assery, you really can't go wrong with Pearl Jam's first album. From "Once," the first song, when Eddie screeches, "Once upon a time I could control myself ..." to the powerful beauty of "Black," with the plaintive cry, "I know you'll be a star in somebody else's sky, but why, why, why can't it be, can't it be mine ..." to the astonishing build up of "Release" and its final primal scream, this is a true gut shot of rock and roll, with more coherence from Eddie than we've seen on later albums and the raw emotion that makes music so good. When I saw Pearl Jam at Penn State in 1991, before they really went huge (they played with Red Hot Chili Peppers and Smashing Pumpkins - now that was a show!), they played every song on this album ... except "Black," which was and still is my favorite Pearl Jam song. Stupid Pearl Jam!

7. Led Zeppelin, Physical Graffiti, 1975. I could have thrown a dart at the wall with any of Zep's first six albums on it and gotten a winner, but the more I thought about it, the more Physical Graffiti came through. To me, this is the apotheosis of the Zep form - it comes after they had honed their skills on blues stuff that was fantastic but derivative, and before they went a little nutty. Here they strike a perfect balance between just jamming ("Custard Pie," "Trampled Under Foot," "Black Country Woman,") and that ethereal stuff that makes you think Plant was reading way too much Tolkien while he got high ("Kashmir," "In The Light"). All of the songs show off the band's chops, with Page the obvious hero but Bonham making a strong case for greatest rock drummer of all time on "In My Time of Dying." Fans of Keith Moon should listen to that song and suck on it! It's a great album because it shows how brilliant Zep could be even as they sung about love and sex and little else of consequence. A double album that earns it, which is a difficult thing to do.

8. Prince, Purple Rain, 1984. Unlike a lot of people, I know that Prince did not visit a South Pacific island between 1992 and 2004 - he kept making music, and some of it (The Gold Experience) is excellent. However, of his many peaks, Purple Rain stands above them all. He really put it all together on this album, from the opening blast of "Let's Go Crazy" to the majestic title track at the end. "The Beautiful Ones" is as piercing an indictment of spurned love as you'll ever hear (and one of the brilliant scenes in the movie), "When Doves Cry" is a nasty stab in the heart, "Darling Nikki" earns the scorn of Tipper Gore and her fascist buddies, even 22 years later, and "I Would Die 4 U" and "Baby I'm A Star" are joyous celebrations of love and celebrity and music. Part of the reason why this album is so good is that Prince resists adding one of those treacly love ballads which often break up his otherwise excellent work, and here, the tightness of the tracks and the blending of the screeching guitar with the rest of the band is brilliant. Too bad he went all ego on everyone, because he's done very good work since then, but never as joyful.

9. Genesis, Duke, 1980. My favorite band used to be Genesis, and this remains my favorite album. I thought about which album by Genesis was my favorite, and rejected the Peter Gabriel stuff because, although there are many great songs on the early stuff, too often there were some dogs, too. For every "Supper's Ready" on Foxtrot there's a "Can-Utility And The Coastliners." We get "The Musical Box" on Nursery Cryme but then we get "The Return Of The Giant Hogweed." So I thought about the post-Gabriel stuff, and Duke straddles the line between the weird, prog-rock of the 1970s (which produced some very good Phil Collins-as-lead-singer albums) and the stadium rock of the 1980s (which produced Invisible Touch, and the less said about that the better). Duke begins with "Behind The Lines," which contains a long musical segment, and then Phil comes in with a sweet tale of love that segues into "Duchess," a bitter song about a singer losing her looks but remaining strong. The pop singles of the album ("Misunderstanding" and "Turn It On Again") are complex musically and wistful lyrically, and I have recently mentioned how much I like "Heathaze." The album ends with a bit of a reprise of the musical themes of the first three songs, and a triumphant (as opposed to sad) restating of the lyrics in "Guide Vocal." A very nicely done album that shows how good AND accessible Genesis could be.

10. Jane's Addiction, Nothing's Shocking, 1988. Jane's had a very brief career (and their comeback album, Strays, doesn't count), but they had a HUGE influence on the rock landscape. This album, their second, is not as ambitious as their "last," Ritual de lo Habitual, but for sheer rock, this album kicks a great deal of ass. "Ocean Size" is a scream of defiance from a battered soul, "Had A Dad" is a snarl at God, "Ted, Just Admit It ..." is a savage attack on the cult of sex and violence that the news peddles, and "Pigs In Zen" rips the upper crust a new one. Even with all this anger, Perry Farrell still gives us "Jane Says," a tragic tale of a girl with no direction, and "Summertime Rolls," a beautiful love song about a more innocent time. It's a wonderful album for the lyrics and Dave Navarro's truly brilliant guitar playing, and Stephen Perkins on drums keeps the tempo zipping when Farrell wants to drawl, while Eric Avery's rumbling bass provides the perfect slightly funky foundation for the hard rock going on above. Excellent stuff.

This was a hard list, because a lot of albums I love missed the cut. You'll note that there are no ABBA albums on this list, even though I love ABBA. Well, ABBA albums, for the most part, are not very well constructed. They have lots of great songs on them, but I think of ABBA as a singles band more, so I concentrate on the songs. If I had to choose, I would probably say Arrival is my favorite, but I don't have to choose!

Any thoughts? What are your own favorite albums? That's what we're all about here -sharing!

Sing along!

Come on! You all know the words!

Resegregating schools, evil feminists, book banning, my stripper song, what David Bowie thinks of you, and a new religion - all in the links!

Well, it's been a week in which I was able to cruise this wild and wacky world we call the Web, and I thought I would bring you all the goofiness I can stand and let you waste more hours on the computer than you really should. Before we begin, however, make sure you all go ask Kait how her dissertation is going. I'm totally envious of Kait - she is studying at Oxford and becoming a doctor. Here I am raising two kids like a sucker!

Moving on, we'll start with the serious stuff and slowly get weirder. Although politics, I suppose, is weird enough.

"WAS IT OVER WHEN THE GERMANS BOMBED PEARL HARBOR?"

The latest issue of Rolling Stone asks the question: Is George Bush the worst president ever? It's a pretty interesting read. I found the link at Shakespeare's Sister.

Wow. The Republicans are blatantly lying to Hispanic voters. Interesting. Why would they lie so obviously? Do they think Hispanics are that stupid?

Here's a story about a black state senator from Nebraska who wants to resegregate the schools in Omaha. Interesting. Well, if the various races never came in contact with each other, there'd be no racism, right???? I got this from Donklephant.

Speaking of racism, white kids are threatened by other kids - presumably black, but the article doesn't say - and the school district does nothing. I hate to sound like a right-wing crazy, but shouldn't we fight against racism in ANY form? It's never going to get better unless we're willing to call out any racist activity. I read this at Rhymes with Right, a conservative blog I don't read but was led to by Donklephant.

In the wake of the arrests of two Duke lacrosse players (and yes, they are innocent until proven guilty, so I'm not going to comment on it), we get yet another person blaming the obvious reason that women get raped: feminism. Ah, it's all so clear now! I got this from Echidne of the Snakes.

It's been a while since Harry Potter was cited as the cause of why everything in America is going straight to hell, so let's get it fired up again: A woman in Georgia wants them out of the public school library because they're destroying the youth of America! She hasn't, of course, read them. And a 10-year-old girl faxed a letter supporting the books to the school board, saying something interesting: "Never at any time did I think the books were true." Wow - kids can tell the difference between fiction and reality? Shocking! I got this fun nugget at Homo Sum.

And because censorship is all-American, a quite graphic book about manga has been banned from a public library. Charming. Instead of shelving it in the adult section, it just gets banned. This is from Dave Ex Machina, although I've seen it elsewhere too.

Here's an interesting post about how the media hated Al Gore and cost him the election. Lance makes the point that they still don't like Gore, even after they've seen what denying him the presidency illegally has done to the country.

Nuclear energy is excellent! It's pretty interesting. We have one incident twenty-five years ago that showed how well the security precautions worked, and we stopped building reactors. Strange.

Well, isn't this nice: Atheists are denied from holding public office according to several state constitutions. How fun. Good to see we don't force people to worship God or anything. I got this at Respectful Insolence.

This is kind of sad: People are using sex offender lists to find people to kill. Look, sex offenders are vile and disgusting people, but using the registries as a hit list? That might be even worse. Good thing we're protecting the children by allowing them to be killed.

Is the United States turning into the Soviet Union? Hmmm.

We all know about the Flying Spaghetti Monster, right? It's the symbol of those who think intelligent design is a bunch of hogwash - why not teach that the universe was created by the Flying Spaghetti Monster? Well, now comes news that a picture of the Flying Spaghetti Monster hanging in a Kansas school has offended a school board member. Can't have people mocking your unscientific and superstitious biological classes, can you??? I saw this at Shakespeare's Sister.

This is an interesting story about medical studies of marijuana and how the FDA doesn't want to hear about it. It's kind of sad how everything is influenced by politics and what people perceive about a topic rather than facts. Oh well.

Speaking of which, it's a good thing the criminal justice system isn't racist and classist, isn't it?

"WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!?!?"

These are interesting pictures. They're not safe for work, but they're not too bad. More interesting than outrightly pornographic. I found this at 2 Blowhards.

Exactly what is being implied here?

I found the picture at The Great Motorcycle Pizza Tour by way of Dancing the Polka with Miss El Cajon. Actually, that second link has a great conversation between Chris Cope's brother and a Nebraska State Patrolman. Very funny.

Some interesting thoughts about how women are portrayed in advertising (in women's magazines, mind you, which I've often talked about, because they're so sexualized in magazines not marketed to men), with a link to an essay about the ways women pose in ads.

I found this at Republic of Replicants:

Your Stripper Song Is

Closer by Nine Inch Nails "You let me violate you, you let me desecrate you You let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you Help me I broke apart my insides, help me I?ve got no Soul to tell" When you dance, it's a little scary - and a lot sexy.

What Song Should You Strip To?

Thomas discovers something in his pants.

Sarcasmo comes up with her own swear words.

Gaze ... gaze upon the scantily-clad hotties ... You must ... gaze ...

Okay, now that you've done that, I can sell you something and probably rip you off. Yes, the sight of an attractive woman will affect a man's judgment. Shocking, I know. More here and here (which is from where I stole the picture).

Just read the headline. I bet Laura's happy. This is from Shakespeare's Sister.

"THE GUYS AT THE COMIC BOOK STORE ARE NEVER GOING TO BELIEVE THIS."

Killer Moth's tools for stopping Batman! They include:

Pussies.

Jake breaks down a comic book called, I kid you not, The Cross and the Switchblade. It includes this awesome panel:

Nicky is awfully full of himself, isn't he?

"THEY SHOULD CALL IT ROUND-TINE."

Laura Bush scares the children at the White House Easter Egg Hunt. Tom Peyer brings it to us and gets mean and nasty comments from conservatives.

You know what? David Bowie judges you! And so does he. I got this from Blah Blah Flowers.

As I surfed around, at Clew's Blues I found a link to You Drunk As Hell: pictures of drunk people with funny captions. Awesome. Like, for instance:

"When the front door is just too fucking far."

From Drink at Work, we get the actual front page of Friday's New York Post:

How can you not love the New York Post?

Help fight the War on Horror! A sample:
"Immediately following the clearing of the body which was notable for its complete transformation back to its human state, a bi-partisan bill entiteled the Freedom of Inquisition Act was hastily drawn up and passed nearly unanimously in both houses, minus three forced abstentions. Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), Edward Markey (D-MA), and Senator Edward Kennedy (D-MA) were arrested moments prior to voting and tested on-site for their suspected vampirism by having wooden spikes thrust through their hearts. Federal coroners confirmed that the corpses did not disintegrate into infernal ash, but stated that the politicians' not surviving was evidence enough of their [former] undead status."
There are posters, too!

It's the first picture of Suri Cruise! Be afraid ... be very afraid. It will rule us all soon!

Reasons to change the channel.

From Slactivist we get a handy reference to help you find out if this week's episode of Lost is a rerun.

Haiku about movie characters. Succinct and spot-on.

I can't remember where I found this, so if it was you, sorry for not giving you credit: The New Adventures of Queen Victoria. Damn it's funny.

I found something at Dave Barry's blog. I don't want to ruin it for you. Just check it out.


Bwah-ha-ha. I found it here, but he found it here.

This is a funny story: A man discovers a gift fruit cake from 1962. And in perfect condition!

Tom Peyer linked to this somewhat old but very funny post about, well, it has something to do with this:

That post led me to a follow-up post, which is also funny, but it had a link that I don't think is fake and is definitely not safe for work, but is weird because I haven't heard anything about it, and the person is famous enough that I thought I would have. I'm not going to post it because I have some decorum, but you can go check it out! Anyway, the original posts are very funny.

Here's a letter to this guy's (fictional) ten-year-old son explaining puberty. He has a good reason for writing it, trust me.

Lyle shows us a web page listing all the great things about marriage. Not what the authors intended, probably.

Horrible news segues, courtesy of local anchorman Clive Rutledge.

"I LOVE THE SMELL OF NAPALM IN THE MORNING."

An Oregon man complains of a headache, and doctors discover 12 nails in his head. He survived, by the way.

T. points out some new jewelry:

You see, that's a living cockroach. On that woman's hand. Oh dear. The story about it is here. And you can of course buy it here.

Did this poisoned wife predict her own death? If so, what an awful story. Red Hot Mamma has some thoughts.

"FAT, DRUNK, AND STUPID IS NO WAY TO GO THROUGH LIFE, SON."

I read about a couple of cool sites on Catallarchy: NationMaster and StateMaster. On these sites you can find all kinds of statistics about world nations and American states. From them I discovered that the largest city in Lesotho is Maseru, you're more likely to fall from a cliff in Austria than anyplace else, and Arizona has the second-highest student-to-teacher ratio in the country. I could spend a lot of time at these sites, let me tell you.

More schools are eliminating recess. Sad. I've said it before - kids need recess. It burns off excess energy and makes them less obese!

How we would look if we were designed intelligently. This is from the Anti-Corporate Patriot.

Roger has found a list of words we all need to know: animal adjectives. Don't say Bush is quite like a weasel - say he's "musteline." Impress your friends!

In case you're interested, here's some interesting stuff about the Gospel of Judas.

This is a neat post about whether Jesus actually existed.

"A NOBLE SPIRIT EMBIGGENS THE SMALLEST MAN."

Remember the sculpture of Britney Spears giving birth? Sure you do! What Would Tyler Durden Do? gives us the other view - from the back! I'm not about to put the picture up here, but you can check it out here. It's really not that bad, just ... bizarre.

What the hell is this?

Yes, it's a Kate Moss yoga sculpture!

"MISCELLANEOUS."¹

Here's a fun story: The police arrested a carpenter who likes to work naked. A homeowner came home early and found him in the buff. Man, these people cracking down on the nude carpenters! What would that most holy of all carpenters say? I bet he worked in the nude, too.

On 19 April 1927, Mae West was jailed and fined for putting on a play that "tended to corrupt public morals." I don't believe in censorship, but can't we level some of that olde-tyme morality at, say, Paris Hilton? I found the site at Historic True Crime Blog.

You're dying to buy this book:

Actually, now that I know it exists, I'm dying to buy this book. I found it at an older post on The Columnist Manifesto.

Here's a list of the 50 Worst Albums Ever. Unlike the list of the best albums, I'm not going to comment, but I do own two of them - To The Faithful Departed by The Cranberries (which certainly isn't great, but it's not rip-out-your-eardrums awful) and Midnite Vultures by Beck, which is a very good album and its inclusion on this list makes it all very suspect.

Well, this is weird: Swedish authorities found a man floating on a raft in the Baltic Sea and they can't figure out who he is. The guy is talking, either. Bizarre.

FINALLY, A NEW RELIGION WE CAN ALL AGREE ON.

There is a Goat. There is a Pole. The Goat is on the Pole. I found this at Dave Ex Machina.

So that's all for this week. I hope you enjoy wasting your time as much I enjoyed wasting mine! It's the American Way, after all!

¹ Sorry, I just couldn't think of any good quotes to encapsulate the miscellany.

Blog entries, nothing but blog entries!

I had little time this week to surf the web, as I had no computer for a few days and then have spent a lot of the week trying to restore our programs, not mention burning CDs. So I decided to give you links, but I'm just going to link to blog entries I like. I'm not going to look at the various news blogs I go to, where the rabid pundits simply link to news stories they either like or dislike. It's all about what people are personally writing on their blogs. And I'm going in alphabetical order. No categories this week!

Chris writes about what's wrong with Superman. The first in what he promised would be two posts, but the second has yet to appear!

Scipio always delivers out-of-context Batman panels.


Speaking of Superman, Scipio offers his own advice.

Afe asks a crucial question about this "woman":


Ahistoricality looks at flight delay information.

Astrid went to London for a day and made us all envious.

Layne's back! Yay!

Andy rants against Ash Wednesday and uses bad language and comes up with what I think is a better solution - see what it is!

Top Ten Bad Self-Help Books.

I just bought "London Calling" because Gordon told me I should. No, I didn't own it before. Shut up. Happy Birthday, Gordon, by the way.

Laura details her bad experience with a chain letter.

GayProf explains what gay men are really saying at clubs - be warned: apparently, they like to talk about roosters a lot.

Chris tells us why Incredible Hulk #300 is awesome.


The Ten Worst Americans of All Time, with links to a bunch of others.

How the press got Lizzie Borden acquitted.

The Disgruntled Chemist attended a meeting. It was sponsored by the College Republicans at UC Irvine and it was ostensibly about whether American Muslims are doing enough to support the War on Terror. It went downhill quickly, apparently. He breaks up his experience into four parts: One, Two, Three, Four. He then sums up his feelings about the meeting. Some well traveled sites linked to him, apparently, because he's approaching 250 comments on that last post, and whether you agree with him or not, the comments are wild. There are some crazy people in this world. They really go nuts on him.

Why Ted and Sally Forth have a good marriage.

Do as I say, not as I do!

Sleestak shows why Star Trek is racist, plus he gets in a shot at Christian Slater!

Literally, a Web Log shows inappropriate uses of the word "literally".

MC Hammer has a blog, by the way.

Roxy goes to the doctor, and it's as scary as you might think.

In praise of the 1960s Doom Patrol.

Why Thomas doesn't have a blog.

Tom liveblogs the Oscars!

Jake imagines a new Hostess Fruit Pie ad, with bizarrely hilarious results.

That's it for this week. I got a bit tired at the end, so I apologize to people lower in the alphabet. But halfway through my computer went a little wacky (it locked and wouldn't let me unlock it, even though it said I was the only one who could), so I lost some of the post, and now it's bed time for the kids, so it's getting late. I hope you dig what's here!

No pictures tomorrow. We still haven't re-installed our printer/scanner. I'll get around to it, I swear!