My one thought about the Academy Awards (with possible spoilers)

I saw only one film that was nominated for an Oscar this year, and that was No Country For Old Men. While it's a brilliant movie and I can't really argue with its awards, I will point out one thing that makes me think it's not as good as everyone says: The only reason Javier Bardem finds out about Josh Brolin (well, not Bardem, but his employers) is because Brolin goes back to the massacre site at least six hours later to take water to a guy whose guts had almost completely leaked out of his body the first time he saw him. Did Brolin really think the guy would still be alive? It's this act of monumental stupidity that alerts the bad guys to his presence. That and the fact that he should have taken the money out of the bag immediately, which is what any smart person would have done. Even though I loved the movie, all through it I kept wondering how someone as smart as Brolin proves himself to be could be that stupid. A guy I know who saw it says it was because of his sense of honor, but really - he was a soldier, so even if he made the guy a promise, he should have known that the guy was going to die real soon. Maybe if he had gone back immediately I would have bought it, but he waited quite a while. If something like this happens in a whimsical romantic comedy (not the exact situation, of course, because I doubt if there are many drug-related massacres in many whimsical romantic comedies, but I mean the absence of logic in the characters' actions), we call bullshit. Why does a serious movie get away with it?

That is all. It's still an unbelievably excellent movie. I wouldn't say it's really enjoyable, because it's so bleak, but it's riveting. I'm still dying to see There Will Be Blood, even though I hear it's even bleaker. That's how I like my movies, consarnit!

Bestiality, Jon Stewart destroys America, evil Mark Trail, and furry crustaceans - the links will drive you mad!

Before we get to the magic and mystery that is This Week On The Internet, I thought I should tell you about what I did yesterday. Or, more accurately, what I had done to me. I went to the salon where Krys gets her hair cut and received a professional shave. I had been interested in getting one for a while, and Krys got me a gift certificate for Christmas, so I made an appointment. I have a pretty heavy beard, and hate shaving (which is why it's nice to have no job - less shaving!), so I figured it would be fun to try it.

I was disappointed.

The experience wasn't awful. The hot and cold towels were nice, and the lotions the shaving dude put on my face were nice, but the actual shaving (with a straight razor, of course) was a lot more painful than I thought it would be (it wasn't that painful, but it was more painful than when I do it at home) and the shave just wasn't that close. I thought I might be able to go a few extra days without shaving, but I think I'm going to have to break out the Mach 3 tomorrow, which is when I usually do. So it wasn't that great.

The salon I went to is part of this whole "male spa" trend (the Republic just had a big story about them, and the place I went is mentioned). I'm certainly not the most "manly" man in the joint, but I just don't understand the whole thing. I do love the guys in the article who don't want to be called a metrosexual - even as they're getting a manicure and a back wax. Hey, I get manicures and pedicures every once in a while - they feel great! - and I don't really care what people call me. Deal with it, guys - there's something a tad effete about manicures and exfoliating. It's okay!

I'm going back there today for a hair cut because Krys wants me to. When we lived in Portland, I went to the same salon she did because the woman who cut my hair was very cool. Since we've lived in this house I've been going to the barber shop at the big intersection near my house, where the old Russian couple from Khazakstan cuts it for 12 dollars. That's not good enough for my wife, apparently. We'll see if the cut I get today is decent. Maybe I'll start going there.

For now, let's get to the links!

HITTIN' THE "NEXT BLOG" BUTTON IS ALWAYS EXCITING!

Okay, maybe not. This is the first blog I came to. It has one entry - today's. Moving on!

Here's a blog about a wife of a police officer and mother of three. If that's your thing.

Funny pictures. I guess so. Some are.

This is a blog about a girl obsessed with riding her bike. Good for her!

And lastly we have a chronicle of a guy in Argentina. I'd love to go to Argentina. Just to visit, of course - if I lived there I'd probably get thrown out of a plane eventually.

THINGS THAT MAKE BABY JESUS CRY.

There's a resolution in Missouri to make Christianity the official religion. Nice to see a bunch of Christian types come out of the woodwork to blast this. I found this at Donklephant.

T. links to this horrible story: A woman shoots herself in the stomach to cause an abortion. I'm angry at the woman, but I'm also angry at the people around her, who seemed to know she was very mentally disturbed and probably shouldn't be bringing a child to term in the first place. This is one fucked-up world sometimes.

Speaking of which, everyone should know by now that the governor of South Dakota signed their new abortion law. It should be a fun few years until this gets to the Supreme Court, which is the whole point of it anyway. What happens if the Court reaffirms Roe v. Wade? What will the anti-choicers do then?

The Rude Pundit, however, in his typically vulgar fashion, explains how to get abortion back in South Dakota. With the blessing of the legislators!

The fire chief in my lovely town of Mesa was arrested this week for ... allegedly having sex with a lamb. Yes, you read that correctly. I'm so proud to live here.

ACADEMY AWARD BLOGGING.

Dave Barry gives us all of the important updates.

Sleestak blogs the only portion of the Oscars that he thinks mattered:

That's right, the part with Salma Hayek.

And, of course, Tom the Dog live-blogged the pre-show and the whole show, because he's crazy.

SAN NAKJI COMIC STRIP FUN.

San Nakji was having so much fun with comics this week, he gets his own category! Here is a fun flirting comic, here is a White Ninja comic (which he found at White Ninja Comics, appropriately enough), here is his laser-eye cat, here he wants to be a pirate, and here he finds out that sharks do not vote. Good fun all around!

POLITICAL NUTTERY.

This column avers that Jon Stewart is destroying the progressive movement in America. Yeah, because he has so much power. This post breaks down the idiocy. I found that link at Ahistoricality.

A few weeks ago, Abraham Lincoln and William Sherman were lynched in effigy in South Carolina. Here's the official site celebrating the event, where you can find pictures:

Explain to me why, when these people seceded, fighting a war to bring them back was the right thing?

You think I'm kidding about that? Perhaps you should check out the Republic of Texas interim government web site or maybe you'd like a Texas passport. I am sure these people aren't joking.

A teacher was put on leave after comparing elements of the State of the Union speech to some of Hitler's speeches. He has been re-instated. Interestingly enough, no parents actually complained - the school just freaked out.

Here's an interesting post about when abortion bans are okay.

COMIC LINKAGE.

Ian bring us the news that George Clooney says he played Batman gay. Substitute "badly" for "gay" and you might have something there!

Mark Trail uses his powers for evil rather than good. For shame, Mark!

Some interesting thoughts about death in comics and why we should all shut up about it.

Tom explains why he would write Wonder Woman for free.

Scott looks at getting frozen solid in comics.

Jake points out the X-Force/Spider-Man crossover in which the World Trade Center was knocked down. It's from 1991. I actually own those issues.

Marvel solicitations gone horribly wrong, including one about the adventures of a young May Parker:


ERUDITE MISCELLANEOUS.

This is a neat dictionary I found on Donklephant. It updates as you type - not need to click a button. And it has a cool suffix to the web address.

Here's an interesting question: Is raising the minimum wage a good idea? The nice thing about it is that it's not just a reactionary spouting off about the good old days of Standard Oil. The author wants to discuss it seriously. I got this from Heretical Ideas.

THE ANIMAL KINGDOM.

I'm sure you heard about the new crustacean that was discovered. If you haven't, for shame! Here's a picture of it:

How cool-looking is that? I found this link at Pharyngula.

Hey, guess what? The Laotian rat-squirrel is not extinct! I know you can all sleep better tonight.

TALES OF THE NEW WEST.

Latigo Flint gives us two fine stories this week: The Tale of the Assistant Beekeeper and a short synopsis of his novel about a heroic otter.

PORTLAND MISCELLANEOUS.

That's a nice specific category, isn't it? Welcome to Blog gives us 25 things every Portlander must do. I have not done them all. I suppose I must move back to Portland.

MISCELLANEOUS MISCELLANY.

Afe explains why babies are evil. But they're so cute!

Get your blog bitch-slapped! You can submit it to these people and they will tell you what's wrong with it.

Cool ways to die. And: More cool ways to die.

Woody! points us to a slogan generator. Put something in, get a slogan for it!

Do you want a secret passageway installed in your house? Sure you do! Heretical Ideas links to this site, where you can hire people to come in and install one. How cool - I would love to do this.

This is a great story for so many reasons. First, the headline: "Man says stripped delivered rob-o-gram." Then, the word "Bible study" appear in the story. And the guy's "defense," such as it is, is quite funny, too. So is the name of the business. Lots o' goodness!

Give spam a chance! (The junk e-mail, that is, not the strange food.)

Thomas is onto something: Blog franchising!


Who's that handsome devil? Yes, it's Bill O'Reilly, from 1975! This is from The Smoking Gun via Superfrankenstein.

Scott unveils his ... haiku against teen angst!

Do you love Lost so much you want to wear clothing advertising that fact? The tart shows you where to get it!

A letter from "Jeremy," the most understanding man in the world. Would I lie to you?

Sarcasmo points out movie posters and stills with babies instead of adults. My favorite, I think, is this:

She also links to a Trojan War blog. I haven't read it yet, so I don't know if it's any good, but we're reading the Iliad to Mia right now, so I thought it might be interesting.

Finally, styrofoamkitty points out the best part of Ultraviolet:

Yes, it's Milla Jovovich's ass. How sad. It's still better than xXx, in which Vin Diesel was out-acted by his coat.

That's all for this week. I hope you enjoy them! I'll be taking next week off, because this week is Spring Break (and if you think the idea of elementary and pre-school kids needing a "spring break" is laughable, you and I will get along just fine) and I have both kids with me, so my time will be limited and my sanity may be in question rather quickly. So I won't have time to surf. I'll still post, because that doesn't take that long. Wish me luck!

It's only a movie

One of the reasons I occasionally get burned out by surfing the Internet is the asinine opinions. Actually, it's not really the asinine opinions that bug me - I'm certainly aware that I myself probably hold several opinions which might be classified as such - it's the sheer vehemence with which some people on the Internet express and defend such opinions. If you, for instance, think my list of great songs is asinine, so be it - this is America, and I'm not forcing you to like them. But a lot of people think that their opinion is the only one that matters, even if it's stupid.

Case in point: the Academy Awards. I watched the ceremony because I like Jon Stewart. He was fine, but not as funny as he is on The Daily Show, but that's okay, because I didn't expect him to be. I didn't really care one way or the other which movie won or even why they were nominated in the first place. I didn't care if George Clooney, despite a relatively classy (to use Krys's word, which fits) acceptance speech, came off a bit smug about how people in Hollywood are better than everyone else. It just didn't matter to me, and then the moment was gone, and it was over.

Then I read some blogs yesterday - specifically, conservative blogs. Jesus, do some people take the Oscars waaaaaay too seriously. First, Brokeback Mountain. I haven't seen it. Whatever. I read one right-winger claiming that if this had been a "straight" western and Kevin Costner had uttered the dialogue, the critics would have savaged it. Well, maybe. I don't know. I do know that Costner won an Oscar for a western, and that he was also in another (Silverado, a far superior movie to Dances With Wolves) in which he uttered some pretty stupid dialogue, but I didn't care all that much, because, well, it's only a movie. The blogger also points out that Brokeback Mountain isn't about cowboys, it's about shepherds. What the hell does that prove? I guess shepherd is a less "manly" occupation than cowboy, so it's okay if they're gay - but leave my cowboy icon alone!

Then there was Crash. This was the only movie nominated for any of the big awards that I have seen, simply because it's been out long enough for the DVD to be out, and I bought it. It's okay. It's certainly not the greatest movie ever, and I got sick of how every character is racist in some way, but it addressed racism and the differences between races in a way you rarely see in movies and hardly ever in real life, so that was nice. I don't know if it deserved the Best Picture Award, but I don't really care. It's only a movie. It's not going to change a thing, and it's not going to influence anyone. Racists aren't going to see it and say "Hey, people are people, so why should it be you and I should get along so awfully?" Then, of course, I read right-wing blogs, which tore it to shreds. "My Los Angeles looks nothing like the one in Crash!" "Who is this director talking about when he says 'We don't know how to deal with other races'? I'm not part of his 'we'." "I'm a police office in Los Angeles, and everyone I have worked with is super-fantastic to everyone and helps all people, regardless of race!" We'll, that's great for you. I read a conservative blog written by a black woman who implies quite often that racism no longer exists in America. I'm sure you can find a million black people in America who claim racism no longer exists. That doesn't mean it doesn't. I would say to these people who had an issue with Crash: it's only a movie. It's fiction. FICTION! Of course the coincidences are overwhelming. Of course the characters all go through life-altering events in the space of 24 hours. Of course the irony is thick. Paul Haggis was trying to make a point. You can argue that he doesn't make it well, but don't argue the point. That's just stupid. It's the same thing with Munich. You can argue that Spielberg made a bad movie, but I'm sick of people bashing him because he dared suggest that killing someone might make you a little less human. Horrors!

Of course the Academy is political. So what? How much power do they actually have? When have Oscars ever been socially relevant? If George Clooney says something, do the politicians in Washington really jump up and do what he says? I don't know, but I doubt it. And of course the Academy doesn't give out awards to the "best" pictures. So what? They give out awards to movies they think are important and make them feel good about themselves, and that's their prerogative. Why is everyone making such a big deal about the awards? We have to eliminate a good, what, 70% of the movies released every year anyway, not because they're crappy movies, but because they don't fit with what the Academy considers "important." The last time a comedy won the Best Picture Award was Annie Hall in 1977. The last time anything remotely resembling a comedy won was Shakespeare In Love in 1998, and I think we can all agree that it was a mistake. In 1999 Eddie Murphy should have been nominated (and I think he should have won) for his dual role in Bowfinger - he was funny in both roles, in completely different ways. Science fiction is out, too. Some truly great movies have been considered "sci-fi" so they're completely disregarded. In terms of influence and sheer mind-blowingness, The Matrix should have been nominated. The fact that a fantasy movie won a few years ago is pretty stunning, if you ask me. But it won't set a trend.

So who cares about the Oscars? Why make such a big deal about the horrible liberals celebrating evil degenerate movies that teach our kids that fags are human and some people don't like each other based only on race? This is why the Internet bugs me occasionally. It's only a movie, after all.

Blog entries, nothing but blog entries!

I had little time this week to surf the web, as I had no computer for a few days and then have spent a lot of the week trying to restore our programs, not mention burning CDs. So I decided to give you links, but I'm just going to link to blog entries I like. I'm not going to look at the various news blogs I go to, where the rabid pundits simply link to news stories they either like or dislike. It's all about what people are personally writing on their blogs. And I'm going in alphabetical order. No categories this week!

Chris writes about what's wrong with Superman. The first in what he promised would be two posts, but the second has yet to appear!

Scipio always delivers out-of-context Batman panels.


Speaking of Superman, Scipio offers his own advice.

Afe asks a crucial question about this "woman":


Ahistoricality looks at flight delay information.

Astrid went to London for a day and made us all envious.

Layne's back! Yay!

Andy rants against Ash Wednesday and uses bad language and comes up with what I think is a better solution - see what it is!

Top Ten Bad Self-Help Books.

I just bought "London Calling" because Gordon told me I should. No, I didn't own it before. Shut up. Happy Birthday, Gordon, by the way.

Laura details her bad experience with a chain letter.

GayProf explains what gay men are really saying at clubs - be warned: apparently, they like to talk about roosters a lot.

Chris tells us why Incredible Hulk #300 is awesome.


The Ten Worst Americans of All Time, with links to a bunch of others.

How the press got Lizzie Borden acquitted.

The Disgruntled Chemist attended a meeting. It was sponsored by the College Republicans at UC Irvine and it was ostensibly about whether American Muslims are doing enough to support the War on Terror. It went downhill quickly, apparently. He breaks up his experience into four parts: One, Two, Three, Four. He then sums up his feelings about the meeting. Some well traveled sites linked to him, apparently, because he's approaching 250 comments on that last post, and whether you agree with him or not, the comments are wild. There are some crazy people in this world. They really go nuts on him.

Why Ted and Sally Forth have a good marriage.

Do as I say, not as I do!

Sleestak shows why Star Trek is racist, plus he gets in a shot at Christian Slater!

Literally, a Web Log shows inappropriate uses of the word "literally".

MC Hammer has a blog, by the way.

Roxy goes to the doctor, and it's as scary as you might think.

In praise of the 1960s Doom Patrol.

Why Thomas doesn't have a blog.

Tom liveblogs the Oscars!

Jake imagines a new Hostess Fruit Pie ad, with bizarrely hilarious results.

That's it for this week. I got a bit tired at the end, so I apologize to people lower in the alphabet. But halfway through my computer went a little wacky (it locked and wouldn't let me unlock it, even though it said I was the only one who could), so I lost some of the post, and now it's bed time for the kids, so it's getting late. I hope you dig what's here!

No pictures tomorrow. We still haven't re-installed our printer/scanner. I'll get around to it, I swear!