Let's skim through the news!

Items that have caught my eye recently:

The city of Birmingham (England) has decided to drop apostrophes from all its street signs.

Sigh. Just another assault on correct grammar, this time sanctioned by the government. Look, I'm a grammar and spelling enthusiast. I hate listening to people on the television and radio using poor grammar, because as much as I try not to judge, I always think they sound stupid. I'm also aware that grammar and spelling are largely fluid things, changing throughout the centuries. I get it. The reason this sucks, however, is that people are just giving up trying to learn things. Grammar and spelling aren't that difficult to learn, yet people just want to give up, and now it's gone up to the city council. It's part of the entire "dumbing-down" of life in general. Some choice quotes from the article:

Councilor Martin Mullaney, who heads the city's transport scrutiny committee, said he decided to act after yet another interminable debate into whether "Kings Heath," a Birmingham suburb, should be rewritten with an apostrophe.

"I had to make a final decision on this," he said Friday. "We keep debating apostrophes in meetings and we have other things to do."

It's not a debate. It's a rule. Yes, there needs to be an apostrophe. End of debate.

Mullaney hopes to stop public campaigns to restore the apostrophe that would tell passers-by that "Kings Heath" was once owned by the monarchy.

"Apostrophes denote possessions that are no longer accurate, and are not needed," he said. "More importantly, they confuse people. If I want to go to a restaurant, I don't want to have an A-level (high school diploma) in English to find it."

See? Idiots rule. "Waaah, waaah, I don't know how to find things because I'm so stupid!"

Mullaney claimed apostrophes confuse GPS units, including those used by emergency services. But Jenny Hodge, a spokeswoman for satellite navigation equipment manufacturer TomTom, said most users of their systems navigate through Britain's sometime confusing streets by entering a postal code rather than a street address.

She said that if someone preferred to use a street name - with or without an apostrophe - punctuation wouldn't be an issue. By the time the first few letters of the street were entered, a list of matching choices would pop up and the user would choose the destination.

A test by The Associated Press backed this up. In a search for London street St. Mary's Road, the name popped up before the apostrophe had to be entered.

British grammarians have railed for decades against storekeepers' signs advertising the sale of "apple's and pear's," or pubs offering "chip's and pea's."

I always like how people who want to get rid of apostrophes use them incorrectly all the time. If you never use them, fine. But to use them incorrectly and then bitch when people want to use them correctly? Shut up.

Okay, let's move on, staying on that side of the pond!

Britain's Royal Opera plans a show based on the life of Anna Nicole Smith.

Oh dear. Of course, there's been an opera about Jerry Springer, so why not Anna Nicole Smith? She started as a stripper, posed for Playboy, was the Playmate of the Year, married an octogenarian oil tycoon for his money, got embroiled in a law suit when he died and his family contested her portion, had a screwed-up later life, endured her son's death, and then died of a drug overdose. It's classic opera stuff! And no, I'm not being sarcastic. Come on, just because some operas are 100-200 years old doesn't mean they're not pretty lurid. Good on you, Royal Opera!


Anna Nicole Smith: Too buxom to live!

More news from England: He's 13. He scarcely looks 10. And according to a British tabloid, he's a father. Baby-faced and only 4 feet tall, the boy, Alfie, was just 12 when he impregnated Chantelle, now 15, The Sun reported Friday.

Oh dear. Oh my dear Lord.

Asked what he would do to support the child financially, Alfie asks in a small, high-pitched voice, "What's financially?"

Oh Jesus.

The Sun did not say whether any tests were conducted to prove the boy's paternity. The paper did not offer any immediate comment when asked whether it had paid the family for the story.

Police and child services in Eastbourne, in southeast England, said in a statement that they were "aware of a 14-year-old girl that had become pregnant as the result of a relationship with a 12-year-old boy," adding that they were offering support to both young people.

"Support." With our tax dollars! Or, I guess, pounds.

Alfie's front page picture has sparked renewed debate about teen pregnancy in Britain. The country has one of the highest teen pregnancy rates in Europe, and government figures show that about 39,000 girls under age 18 became pregnant in 2006. More than 7,000 of those girls were younger than 16.

That's sad. Not as bad as the U.S., though!

Britain had 27 births per 1,000 women aged 15-19 between 2000 and 2005, according to a report published by Population Action International. Comparable figures are 10 per 1,000 for Spain, 8 in 1,000 for France, and 5 in 1,000 for The Netherlands.

Britain's teen pregnancy rate, however, is still far below that of the United States, which registers 44 births per 1,000 women aged 15-19 and are more line with English-speaking countries such as Australia and New Zealand, which respectively have 17 and 27 births per 1,000 women between 15 and 19, according to the report.

U! S! A!

In a move last year to tackle the high teen pregnancy rate, British education officials announced they would start introducing sex education earlier in English schools. Beginning next year, children as in grades as low as kindergarten will be given basic sex education.

Tony Kerridge, of the sexual health group Marie Stopes International, praised the move, but local lawmaker Nigel Waterson said the pregnancy raised "huge questions" about whether British children were being educated about sex - at the expense of learning about healthy relationships.

Like the one between a 12-year-old and a 14-year-old? Yeah, those kind.

Chantelle and Alfie have reportedly pledged to raise the child as best they can.

"We know we made a mistake but I wouldn't change it now," Chantelle was quoted by The Sun as saying.

Alfie's father, Dennis - who reportedly has nine children - said his son told him it was the first time he had sex. He was reportedly allowed to sleep over at the girl's house.

At least we can't blame the parents!

"I will talk to him again and it will be the birds and bees talk," he said. "Some may say it's too late but he needs to understand so there is not another baby."

Yeah, good luck with that, Pops.

All right, let's move on to the United States! Things do happen here, you know!

Churches are beginning to accept evolution.

After a lifetime in the church, the Rev. William L. Rhines Jr. lately has started to question one of the Bible's fundamental teachings, that God created man. It's an especially touchy topic in his Wilmington, Del., congregation, where generations of black worshippers have leaned on faith to endure the indignities of racism.

But as the world marks the 200th birthday of evolution theorist Charles Darwin on Thursday, Rhines figures its time for even the most conservative congregations to come to terms with science.

Welcome to the 21st century, everyone!

"We're becoming more middle class, upper middle class, so we have more free time ... to ponder these eternal issues," said Rhines, who will encourage a discussion at Ezion-Mt. Carmel United Methodist Church.

I like that the implication is that low-class people are too dim to concern themselves with philosophical problems!

Participants say they're not abandoning the Bible's story of Adam and Eve. Rather, they want to blend theories in a way that helps today's faithful reconcile their modern world with Biblical teachings.

"We have to give God a lot more credit than we give him now - we need to give him the benefit of the doubt that his word includes evolution," said Mike Ghouse, president of the World Muslim Congress, a Dallas-based union of 3,000 Muslims that hosted its first ever Evolution Weekend discussion Friday.

God sure does deserve some credit, right?

Zimmerman argues the faithful can accept parts of creationism - the notion that a higher being created man whole - and evolution.

"Faith is related to one's belief system ... science, on the other hand, is in a different domain," said the Rev. Gerald Kersey, who planned a Sunday school lesson and discussion of Darwin's theories at Avondale Estates First Baptist Church in suburban Atlanta.

He blamed religious intolerance for causing many faithful to feel they must choose between science and the Bible.

"I'm presenting the idea that science or evolution is compatible with faith," he said.

The religious are never intolerant, are they?

Still, many Americans believe that God created man. A 2006 survey by the Pew Research Center's Forum on Religion and Public Life found 63 percent of Americans believed humans and other animals have either always existed in their present form or have evolved over time under the guidance of a supreme being.

That percentage is especially high among the nation's black churchgoers, who have been taught for generations to cope with everything from slavery to Jim Crow by using the Bible's teachings, Rhines said.

"We don't want to tamper with what grandma taught us - we've come this far by faith," Rhines said.

At one of the nation's oldest black churches, the First African Baptist Church in Savannah, Ga., the Rev. Thurmond Tillman doesn't oppose evolution.

But he argued black Americans have other social issues to address, and the faithful should focus on uniting mankind - not dividing his origins.

Well, that's a relief!

So, what else in the news? Nothing too important, I'm sure.

News from around our bizarro world

In lieu of real content, I link to strange news stories! And some commentary, I suppose.

A Baptist church in New York fires a Sunday School teacher for being a woman! She's worked there 54 years, but fuck you, Grandma! Their justification? The Bible says women should not teach men. I like how whenever "Christians" want to be all narrow-minded and ban something or disallow something, they quote the Bible - but never Jesus. In this case, it's Paul. Why? Because Jesus was a lot nicer than these pricks, and if they started using him, they'd have to be nice to women. Eeeewwww!

An Indian restaurant in Bombay (isn't it Mumbai now?) is named "Hitler's Cross"! The owner did it to attract attention, he says. India has only 5500 Jews, and Holocaust knowledge is limited. My question is, Why call it this if Hitler is only a "historical figure" in India and not seen as a monster? He wasn't terribly important to India. And it's not a German restaurant. This guy sounds like a tool.

You know who loves Paris Hilton's debut album? Paris Hilton, of course!

A postcard a mother mailed to her son in 1948 finally reached him. It only took 58 years. No jokes about the mail service, please!

Psycho killer raccoons terrorize Olympia, Washington! There has to be a low-budget horror movie in this, right? If you don't think so, let me repeat three words: Psycho. Killer. Raccoons.

A Swedish television station mistakenly shows a porn movie behind its news broadcast! Nothing fun EVER happens in the U.S.!

Al Sharpton wants black youths to resist "gangster culture." This is a bit more serious. I happen to agree with Sharpton, but maybe Roger or T., as black men who live in Sharpton's neck of the woods, can comment on this better than I can. Doesn't Sharpton cry racism any time a black man is accused of anything? How can he say "gangsterism" is keeping black men from achieving when his self-serving cries of racism might also be doing so? Or am I way off-base? I don't keep up with Sharpton as much as I would if I lived in New York.

Oh, and Pluto is no longer a planet. Our fine newspaper actually suggested a few weeks ago that astronomers were considering dropping Pluto because it had been discovered in Flagstaff in 1930 and not by some old stuffy astronomer in Europe. They were serious.

So there's some news for you as our world spins in the silent void. Aren't you glad you live on such a strange (for now) planet?

Monster Link Blow-Out! We will NOT be undersold!

Tough week last week - Mia got botox injections, and they were both here all the time with less therapy than usual. I have one more week with both of them before Mia goes back to school, so we'll see if I'm still marginally sane at this time next week. All of this meant fewer postings after Top Ten Week, but I hope this giant linkdump will make up for it! It includes some links that are a few weeks old that I never got around to putting up, so I hope you'll forgive me. The YouTube section is worth the price of admission alone!

Let's get right to it with the Land Down Under!

THE MADNESS OF AUSTRALIA. Those people live on the bottom of the world, you know - who knows what's going on in their heads?

A biker gang in Sydney is auctioning off a day with them. Who wouldn't want to spend a day riding, terrorizing, eating, drinking, raping, and pillaging? I don't get it - if you want to spend a day with a biker gang that much, why don't you just start your own?

A cross-dressing bandit (on skates, mind you) gets sentenced in Melbourne. We need more cross-dressing bandits, if you ask me.

TRUE CRIME. You know it's real!

In Connecticut, a man has been accused of blinding his wife ... with a carrot. It's not funny, but it is a bit bizarre. He says it's an accident. It would have to be, wouldn't it? How can you plan to blind somebody with a carrot?

You know what will bring the wrath of Johnny Law down on you? Growing sunflowers! Beware!

A 74-year-old woman is told her ten-year-old license plate is now obscene. I don't want to ruin what her plates read for you, but you will be scratching your puzzler as much as I was. Unbelievable, the stupidity in this country. I found the story at The Retread Ranger Station.

The U.S. isn't the only place where people overreact to stupid stuff, as three English kids were arrested, had mug shots taken, gave DNA samples, and held for two hours ... for climbing a tree. This is from Strike the Root.

Thomas wonders what's happened to America when a rapper getting shot only once isn't good enough. Where's the street cred, indeed, Thomas? He also talks about the benefits of being a lawyer. Warning: contains a**!

Jack the Ripper identified! For real, this time! I got this at the Historic True Crime blog.

POLITICS. And all the craziness implicit therein.

This is an interesting short article on the origins of the Vietnam War. The U.S., as usual, screwed up with Ho Chi Minh and drove him into the arms of the Chinese. Good job, Truman!

Rick Santorum is having some trouble in the Pennsylvania Senate race, so what does his Republican Party do for him? They give money to a Green Party candidate so he can get on the ballot, presumably to draw votes away from the Democratic challenger, Bob Casey. Now, Casey doesn't sound like much of a winner, either, but he can't be worse than Santorum, and it's fun to see that the GOP is so desperate that they would give money to a rival just to beat Casey. They should just admit that Santorum is, well, crazy.

Mel Gibson is a liberal, you know. Well, of course he is, now that he's done something stupid.

Speaking of which, hard core anti-Semites are disappointed with Mel Gibson's apology. I read a bit of the linked stuff, and it made me sick. There are a lot of people out there who think like this. Sad.

Oh, the irony! Jonah Goldberg says that comparing someone to Hitler and the Nazis is the worst hallmark of a terrorist, yet his new book is called Liberal Fascism: The Totalitarian Temptation from Mussolini to Hillary Clinton. Good job, Jonah!

Another war is brewing ... as Taiwan breaks off diplomatic relations with Chad. Oh, the horror!

Sonia has brief bios of the two porn stars running for office this year. Interestingly enough, they're both Republicans (well, the second one is running as an Independent, but she's a Republican). Because of the subject matter and because it's Sonia's blog, I should warn you about clicking over there. Beware!

It's all about the sex. Strong language caution! But very funny and pretty spot-on, especially about the fundamentalists who know more about gay porn than my gay friends. Strange, that.

Dictators that the U.S. government has been friends with. It's based on a set of cards that Bill Sienkiewicz did in 1989, so it's a bit out of date, but it's an interesting look at our history of cozying up to scumbags.

Speaking of which, this is a fine story getting no press here: The Bush Administration is refusing to hand over an ex-president of Bolivia so he can be tried. Charming. The taxpayers are paying for this guy to live in luxury.

Here's a quote by Herman Goering that we can easily believe coming from the mouth of Dick Cheney. Don't worry - I'm not calling Cheney a Nazi. I'm just pointing out what people in positions of power - in any power structure - believe. And they're right, unfortunately.

This was all over the Internet a few weeks ago, but I saw it first at Blah Blah Flowers: Ann Coulter on Hardball, which need to be renamed. Among other things, she "jokes" that Al Gore is a "total fag," says seriously that Clinton is gay, and thinks it might be a good idea to bomb the U.N. headquarters in New York. I don't have that much of a problem with that, because she's pretty much insane anyway. But Chris Matthews, the host, sucks her dick pretty much the whole way through and tells her how happy they would be to have her back. Jon Stewart is harder on liberals than Matthews was on the crazy person. No wonder she says shit like this!

GayProf has a long and interesting post about dumb conservatives, and he also provides a link to this story, in which Florida is trying to impose their view of American history on schools. Remember when only dictatorships tried to change the past to fit their views?

Where in the afterlife is Ken Lay's soul? This is very funny. I saw it at the Beast blog, which includes how it was censored. Censored! Some people can't take a joke.

I think this has been around for a while, but it's always good to remind people: George Bush runs against Jesus.

Wicked Boring points us to Fuck for Forest. Yes, you read that right. According to the website, they "use their sexuality and love to direct attention to and collect money for the earth's threatened nature." I checked out the site briefly (it's really not safe for work in any way) and I can't really figure out how they do this. It has quite a bit to do with porn, though. As pointed out in the original link, forest preservation organizations are a bit squeamish about taking their money. Because forest preservation organizations are apparently rolling in cash.

WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN? Stories of the little ones.

The latest issue of Babytalk, a free magazine, gets a lot of negative feedback. Why? It featured a breast on the cover. Not a titillating breast, mind you - a woman breastfeeding:

And most of the people who objected were mothers. People are weird.

E gets a purple nurple!

What pisses you off about your small children? I'm so glad someone had the balls to say it aloud!

Some fun random thoughts about pregnancy.

Not one, but two poop stories!

COMIC BOOKS. Live the nerd culture!

Oni Press will publish a series of comic books based on Stephen Colbert's unpublished sci-fi masterpiece, Stephen Colbert's Alpha Squad 7: Lady Nocturne: A Tek Jansen Adventure. Well, that should be interesting. I found the news item at the Newsarama Blog.

How to make a successful Watchmen movie!

People hating comics. Why so much anger????

Nik has a cameo in a comic book!

Dorian once again foolishly trolls the message boards to find reactions to Heath Ledger being cast as the Joker. When will he learn that no good can come of the message boards?????

Chris shows us how evil Cobra Commander really is. Prepare to be shocked!

Chris also explains why Blue Devil is awesome. Only part of it involves this:


This is an interesting post about the difference between DC and Marvel that I found at the Absorbascon.

The Avengers have some issues with Joe Quesada.

Models with superheroes:

Mike Sterling, of course, has more, including the excellent captions.

Scipio has an interesting post about breaking the fourth wall in comics.

Things we really need more of in comics.

RELIGIOUS KOOKINESS. Plenty to go around!

The creator of the Flying Spaghetti Monster has a site totally devoted to all the hate mail he gets. I thought I wasted too much of my time! I found this at Blah Blah Flowers.

Here's a fascinating post by a Christian woman about why women should not go to college. It's not just men who are living in the Dark Ages! I found this at Echidne of the Snakes.

Last week a San Antonio topless club planned a tubing trip featuring strippers. This flies in the face of new rules about rowdy behavior on the river, and has led to some controversy. The best quote, however, comes from City Councilman Ken Valentine: "I'm really disappointed that this is going to occur on Sunday when people should be in church." I guess if it took place on a Saturday, it would be okay. Hell, Mr, Valentine would probably sign up!

Kentucky has a natural history museum using the Bible as its foundation. Tell me again that we're not living in the Dark Ages.

PHOENIX INFORMATION. Why not?

A pelican in Phoenix? It's true!

This story is very interesting, and not just because it's from my little corner of the world. A family sells its farmland to developers, and one of its members designs the crops in a pattern like the future subdivision:

This comes to us from Blog for Arizona. It's just another thing that is horrible about this place. We keep selling off farmland for more developments, which has a negative impact on the weather and the ecosystem. But nobody cares. As long as they get their cheap houses!

PHOTOGRAPHIC FUN. Because the proof of it is right there!

This is a weird sign:

I found it here. It's a pretty cool blog, actually.

Advertisements were better back in the day:

I got it here, and they found it here.

I stole this from Will Pfeifer:

There's no context. That's why it's excellent.

Check out some cool statues, including this one:

I found the link here.

GEOGRAPHICAL MISCELLANY. Know your globe!

True facts about communities 35 minutes west of Portland and
more true facts about communities 35 minutes west of Portland. Some strange stuff is going on up in the hills!

Who says "pop" and who says "soda"? Not surprisingly, my home county is 80-100% "soda." This is from Various and Sundry.

From Various and Sundry, we get a redrawn American map with 38 states. It will never happen, but it's kind of cool to check it out.

Jules the Crazy is in Seattle, and she gives us fun things and places around town. In case you're in the area, don't you know.

The strange similarities between Stonehenge and New York City.

The first man-made palm-shaped island in Dubai is about to get its first residents! Dubai sounds wacky. The ruler is crazy and has more money than God. Go here if you're interested in living there:


Where in the world is ... Osama bin Laden?

YOUTUBE-A-GO-GO. Yes, I figured out to post videos here, and I mean to use it!

This is astonishing:

I saw it a couple other places, but got the link from The M Zone.

Subdivided We Stand is Penn State proud! Why should you care? Because the blog's author, Robert, found a weather report in State College:

If you missed it, I can't help you!

Darth Vader being a smartass. From Sarcasmo (who has a lot more fun links).


Is David Hasselhoff the greatest human being ever? You be the judge!

I found this at Repent Sinners!!!!

The geekiest love song in history:

I got this at Phillyist.

It took me about 90 seconds to figure this out. It's fun. I found it at Mr. Nice Guy.


George Washington: "Six foot eight, weighs a fucking ton."

I got this at The Disgruntled Chemist.

POP CULTURE WARS. Winning one for the Gipper!

This video is almost indescribable, but I'll try. It's a Norwegian band doing "Total Eclipse of the Heart." They use kitchen appliances as percussion instruments. Just watch it! When you see the guy's ass, it catapults into sheer genius territory. I found it at Toner Mishap.

Useless Twix info!

Eddie Van Halen is scoring a porn movie. How nice. I got this at The M Zone.

Bill Reed freaks you out!!!!

Someone has come up with a way for to write your very own Bill Simmons story! If you don't know who Bill Simmons is, it won't be funny, but if you do, it's hilarious. I got this from Basketbawful, where you can read an almost-perfect example of a fake Bill Simmons story.

George Bush versus John Kerry over who would be a better head of CTU. Plus: How close was Bush to guest-starring on 24?

Marionette points out an ad for Coke that is wildly offensive to women.

Laura points us to the top 50 movie endings of all time. I agree with some, and don't think others should be ranked as high. But lists are fun!

Byzantium's Shores links to where you can buy ... a Snakes on a Plane necklace. For $350, who is going to buy this? In fact, if I ever see anyone wearing this, I may have to punch that person.

I must warn you: there's nudity at this link. Sonia does this kind of often, and the interesting thing about this one is that it's Clémence Poésy, whom American audiences probably know as Fleur Delacour from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. I'm just surprised that Disney would hire an actress who appeared naked in a movie prior to the Harry Potter movie. Strange.

THE POOR UNCATEGORIZABLE STUFF. I tried, I really did. But where can you put the dead eel throwing contest? Where?????

People in New York City who need to be ... BLACKLISTED!

Did you hear that the village of Lyme Regis in England cancelled its giant dead eel-throwing contest? I know, it's horrible. Dry your tears, though - it's not worth getting worked up about it! The reason is predictably idiotic - almost as idiotic as throwing dead eels in the first place.

Patriotic Irony. Good stuff.

Sarcasmo links to the 25 most important questions in the history of the universe, including "Which came first, the can or the can opener?", "Where are the B batteries?", and "Why is it called 'blackmail'?" Fine stuff there!

The weirdness of sleeping sickness.

Someone has been waiting for a long time.

Disintegrating Clone postulates about whether or not England got hit by a meteorite in 1274.

Redeeming the passive voice.

Why do beautiful women marry unattractive men? They could just ask my wife.

A three-time Teacher of the Year nominee is fighting to keep her job after a peer review labeled her underperforming. Well, that's weird. I found this at Education Wonks.

Afe gives us a dialogue between ... the angry baby and the Yeti!

Lyle links to a long but interesting post about Confederate merchandise ... in New Jersey. Sad, but true. Where else can you get your kick-ass rebel boogie board?


Damn Interesting brings us the possibly true tale of Candy Jones.

Who's this and what is she leaning on?

Why, that's Britney Gallivan, and a few years ago she came up with some mathematical formulae by which she could fold a piece of paper more than eight times. Of course, the comments section points out that it's an 8.5 x 11 piece of paper that can't be folded eight times, but it's still a neat story.

Why are dogs not named Boner? Besides the obvious, of course.

A kitty gets busted! Man, those law-breaking cats. What are we to do with them?

Astrid washes the dishes and eats burgers. Trust me.

The Freakonomics blog, among other places, brings us the news that Malaysia has banned weird names. Oh, those wacky Malaysians!

Andy Martello has ten revelations about high-speed internet. As usual, they're very funny.

GayProf turned 32 and wondered about what others of that age had accomplished. Yes, it depressed me too.

Oscar Madison is a mite peeved at Volkswagen.

All about phone whores (and a bit about phone assholes). We all have experienced this!

FINALLY, POSSIBLY THE GREATEST THING EVER. Would I lie to you?

Bollywood action figures:

Bollywood action figures! You know you want one!!!!

Man, those are a lot of links. I hope I successfully distracted you from all your work that you were supposed to get done on Friday and now didn't get done on Monday. Wasting time at work - that's why the Internet was invented!