Paris Hilton needs to shut up
Yeah, I know. This is too easy. Whenever Ms. Hilton opens her mouth, she needs to shut up. However, there wasn't a shortage of candidates. Here's a 17-year-old girl from Gilbert, AZ, who is going to be on the MTV series Made. She says she "didn't know how to do my hair or wear makeup." I asked my lovely wife this morning how she learned how to do that without the benefit of MTV. She said trial and error. Remember when style consultants didn't tell people how they should look? This girl needs to do her own makeup and shut the hell up.
And then there's Phil Jackson and Kobe Bryant. Jackson called Kobe "uncoachable" in his book, but I guess he thinks he can do it, because he's back in the Los Angeles saddle. Jackson says "it's a matter of trust, a matter of rebuilding the trust that we had," while Kobe says that Jackson is "a proven winner. [Choosing him] is something I support." Please. Jackson is schtupping the owner's daughter, and in a few years he'll be co-owner of the team and he will ship Bryant faster than Bryant can cheat on his wife. And that 10 million dollars Jackson will get paid for coaching probably goes a long way to making Bryant coachable, right, Phil? Shut the hell up, you two.
But Paris ... ah, Paris. How delightful it is that people still stick microphones in her face and encourage to spout inane things. Today she talks about her impending nuptials: In two years, she'll retire from the glamorous world of pseudo-celebrity and become a dutiful wife. Whatever shall we do? Here's the gospel, straight from America's Messiah:
"I don't enjoy going out anymore. It's such a pain. It's everyone saying, 'Let's do a deal! Can I have a picture?' I'm just, like, 'These people are such losers. I can't believe I used to love doing this.' " (Read Newsweek - yes, NEWSweek - out on Monday for more - I know you can't wait!)
Have another hamburger, Paris, and shut the hell up.
Krys is still in a holding pattern, by the way. My sister said she knew someone who was three centimeters for two weeks, so who knows when this thing is coming out. She's wanted to be out for two months, so I don't know what the holdup is now. She dropped and Krys is 60% effaced, so we'll see. Childbirth makes you use icky words like "effaced" and "dilated," so if you can't handle it, you might want to check back later!
And then there's Phil Jackson and Kobe Bryant. Jackson called Kobe "uncoachable" in his book, but I guess he thinks he can do it, because he's back in the Los Angeles saddle. Jackson says "it's a matter of trust, a matter of rebuilding the trust that we had," while Kobe says that Jackson is "a proven winner. [Choosing him] is something I support." Please. Jackson is schtupping the owner's daughter, and in a few years he'll be co-owner of the team and he will ship Bryant faster than Bryant can cheat on his wife. And that 10 million dollars Jackson will get paid for coaching probably goes a long way to making Bryant coachable, right, Phil? Shut the hell up, you two.
But Paris ... ah, Paris. How delightful it is that people still stick microphones in her face and encourage to spout inane things. Today she talks about her impending nuptials: In two years, she'll retire from the glamorous world of pseudo-celebrity and become a dutiful wife. Whatever shall we do? Here's the gospel, straight from America's Messiah:
"I don't enjoy going out anymore. It's such a pain. It's everyone saying, 'Let's do a deal! Can I have a picture?' I'm just, like, 'These people are such losers. I can't believe I used to love doing this.' " (Read Newsweek - yes, NEWSweek - out on Monday for more - I know you can't wait!)
Have another hamburger, Paris, and shut the hell up.
Krys is still in a holding pattern, by the way. My sister said she knew someone who was three centimeters for two weeks, so who knows when this thing is coming out. She's wanted to be out for two months, so I don't know what the holdup is now. She dropped and Krys is 60% effaced, so we'll see. Childbirth makes you use icky words like "effaced" and "dilated," so if you can't handle it, you might want to check back later!
posted by Greg | 8:46 AM
5 Comments:
3 centimeters for 2 weeks?!? Yikes. My wife is due Monday and is terrified of going past her date, along with being very frustrated by the waiting game at this point. I don't think I'll tell her that story!
Going past isn't that big a deal - my sister was two weeks late with her first kid. She shouldn't be terrified - I would imagine "annoyed with this huge leech-like thing" would be enough.
Are you going to tell us all about it? I will be reading to see ...
I actually considered that, Superman. This is, I think, the only time I ever mentioned her, and it will be the last, you can be assured.
Welcome, by the way. I hope you come back!
Good luck with the pregnancy, to you and Krys! I remember my wife's like it was, oh, 6 months ago. She went over by a week, and that extra week was tough. Every time I called home from work, I was prepared to spring into action, only to hear "No, not *yet.*"
I happen to find Paris Hilton fascinating!! I think she is sexy, brave and VERY rich! I wish her all the best in all her future endeavors!! Paris for President!
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