Delenda Est Carthago

Why not delve into a twisted mind? Thoughts on the world, history, politics, entertainment, comics, and why all shall call me master!

Name:
Location: Mesa, Arizona, United States

I plan on being the supreme dictator of the country, if not the world. Therefore, you might want to stay on my good side. Just a hint: ABBA rules!

3.12.05

Episode VI: The Return of the Links!

It's been a while since I've done this, and I'm reminded again how hard it is. You scamps out there better appreciate all the surfing I do for you so you don't have to!

Anyway, sign my GuestMap! It's been over a month since anyone did. The last person to do so was Ahistoricality, and Pilgrim-Heretic. I don't even know if they come here anymore, but hello, and thanks! Don't be shy - put your name on the list!

As I was typing this, since the UCLA-USC game sucked, I was flipping around the channels. On the Sci-Fi Channel they were showing Chupacabra: Dark Seas, starring (unfortunately), John Rhys-Davies (oh, Sallah, how could you?) and Giancarlo Esposito (hey, didn't you once show up in Spike Lee and Bryan Singer movies?). At one point, Sallah tells the hunky hero guy to make sure that his daughter (whom the producers obviously thought was a lot hotter than she actually is) gets safely back to her cabin. She asks the hunk, "Insurance salesman, huh?" (I assume hunky hero guy gave her some song-and-dance about who he was.) He says, "I'm all the insurance you'll need." Now that's writing! And here I am, unemployed. There's no justice. (Giancarlo Esposito is evil, by the way, and pays dearly for his evil, but hunky hero guy, Sallah, and his vixen daughter survive.)

Let's start with the politics. Because then we can cleanse our palates of it.

Liechtenstein has rejected an anti-abortion referendum. Yes, I know it's freakin' Liechtenstein and who cares, right? But they're a very Catholic country and they're still more enlightened that we are.

Andrew Sullivan points out that South Africa approves same-sex marriage. Yes, the country that until fifteen years ago was still living under apartheid is more enlightened than we are. U! S! A!

Donklephant links to this survey, which gives us this map:
 
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President Bush's approval ratings! I know you can spin the numbers any which way (and most people do), but this is still fun.

Here's a charming story about a school in Tennessee censoring the student newspaper because it contained stories about birth control and a student's tattoo. Nice. I found this, as I do most school stories, at Education Wonks. By the way, here's the 1988 Supreme Court decision siding with the administration.

Speaking of censorship, a Minnesota high school has banned "bondage" pants. Yeah, I didn't know what they were either. Read up on it!

Why the Left hates sex. Good stuff. Sample quote:
"Studies show that people who embrace gender equality are likely to be upset by the arrival of their first child. Because of their deep commitment to equality, they often become angry at their partners and ultimately at themselves. Unless they can surrender their rigid Leftist gender ideology, their marriage is headed for divorce and they are headed for misery." I'll have to tell Krys that we're headed for divorce. She'll be so ... sad? I found this at the Disgruntled Chemist, who breaks it down much better than I ever could.

Echidne of the Snakes linked to this, which showed the comments for these two posts, which are so virulently anti-woman it's amazing (and disgusting, to be sure). Read the comments men make about the "rape myth." If your stomach can handle it.

The University of Kansas has cancelled a class debunking creationism. Read the stupid reason why!

More fun stuff from the center of the country: Thought control in Kansas. I know, shocking. This post, which is quite rude (it's the Rude Pundit, after all), has links to the group that wants to ban books, a list of "good" books, and, of course, a list of high school blogs that should be banned.

Hey! The FCC wants more censorship! The money quote: "You can always turn the television off and of course block the channels you don't want but why should you have to?" Excellent. This is from Catallarchy. Dorian has his own fun take.

This has been making the rounds, but why not: this story says that torture worked on John McCain, so he shouldn't talk about it not working. Yes, this is very sad. Don't you wish McCain would go medieval on these people?

And, of course, conservative blogs have to defend torture!

Guess who decides who has a legitimate gripe? That's right, Donald Rumsfeld! This has been around, but I first saw it on Catallarchy.

Also from Catallarchy, the FDA is denying drugs to dying patients. Because if they take the drugs, they might, you know, die.

Here, from Andrew Sullivan, is an enthusiastic response to Bush's speech this week. The best line? "President Bush has articulated his policy vision more consistently and more eloquently than any President since Lincoln." Now that's enthusiasm!

I know I'm liberal, but when Democratic politicians say stupid things, I must link to it: Senator Feingold talking before and after Bush's speech.

Yet more intelligent design nonsense, with a link to the transcript.

Tom Peyer, as he does weekly, explains the news with comic book covers.

According to the White House, the death penalty deters crime. I know, of course they're going to say it. I just thought it's worth mentioning. Again.

Bush (and the culture, to be honest) is causing a brain drain from the United States. Sigh. This comes from Pharyngula.

Some comic book wackiness. Because we could all use more wackiness.

What's going on with these wholesome-looking supervillains? Marionette goes into the evidence that Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy are a couple.
 
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Scipio at the Absorbascon had a theme going for a while last weekend. He was giving thanks! (It was Thanksgiving, after all.) Go check out why he's thankful here, here, here, and here. A few things other things he's thankful for: He's thankful Superman isn't his cousin, and who can blame him?
 
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And he's thankful that Superman and Batman are no longer allowed to do PSAs about STDs.
 
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This is a few weeks old, but Jason shows us why you should buy comics: you never know when this young lady will show up!
BlueWaterFan

Chris Sims discusses the Legion of Monsters. As usual with the Invincible Super-Blog, it's funny stuff.

Chris also brings us ... Nazi monkeys!
 
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And why not direct you to more fun from Chris? Here he proves that Batman and Superman are totally gay. As if we needed more proof!

Sorry, but I have to point you to Chris Sims one more time, as he turns the spotlight on the Haunted Tank. Brilliant. Tell Chris to stop being so damned funny if you don't want me to link to him so much!

Marc Singer asks: Is V a terrorist?

Scott breaks down All-Star Superman scientifically here, here, and here.

Speaking of All-Star Superman, Scipio really doesn't like it.

Have you ever wanted to know the religious affiliations of your favorite comic book characters? Sure you have! Discover them here! I got this from Heidi McDonald.

Sleestak points us to Strange Adventures #79. Why? Because it's sheer brilliance.
 
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You knew it was coming: a site devoted to bringing back Ted Kord, plus a blog to support it. This is from Your Mom's Basement.

Harvey examines some disturbing Jerry Lewis comic book covers.

Dorian figures out why Brian Michael Bendis likes Spider-Woman:
 
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(Click to enlarge, because he dialogue is priceless.)

Mike shows us why comics rule:
 
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Princess Leia stuff. Yes, you read that correctly.

Woody linked to a web site devoted to women wearing Princess Leia's metal bikini. Like this lovely lady:
 
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Say "hi" to Christy!

Jim Balent got married recently, in full Star Wars style:
 
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If you don't know who Jim Balent is, he's a comic book artist. He likes women with big breasts. Seriously.

Christmas is here! There's a war on about Christmas, you know, and we must examine it!

Are you a poor, persecuted Christian? If you live in the United States, you sure are! Go here to share with others like you. I found this at Pharyngula.

Slacktivist discusses the false war on Christmas that certain conservatives would have you believe exists. Speaking of the war on Christmas (and Commies like Slacktivist obviously don't know what they're talking about), my mom, a very good Presbyterian, didn't even realize there was one! Those damned liberals have made their war invisible, so God-fearing Americans don't even realize it's happening!!! Oh, their evil is insidious!

See? Read the chilling truth: Once upon a time when America had Christmas! This, like a lot of religious nuttery, comes from Pharyngula.

Thank God for Bill O'Reilly, though, as he teaches us the true meaning of Christmas. This is from Balloon Juice.

Even though there's a war on Christmas, you still have to set up your tree before the liberals come and tear it down, right? So pick up some FOX News ornaments. You know you want to!
 
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You can also buy these:
 
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Yes, they're ugly, but they commemorate Hurricane Katrina, so it's all good, right? Buy them here. Of course, they cost $39, a whopping $4 of which goes to victims. Just donate forty bucks to hurricane relief, for crying out loud! I found this at Tuesday Morning Quarterback, which, as I've said before, every football fan should read every week.

After you set up your tree, I'm sure you'll all be interested in buying adult-themed Christmas wrapping, right? Buy it here. Seriously - not for children or the easily-offended. I found this at YesButNoButYes, which is also not for children or the easily-offended.

After I buy my adult-themed wrapping paper, I'll need the perfect gift. YesButNoButYes provides the gift no one can live without:
 
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Yes, it's a stripper pole! Get yours now! Krys will be so pleased with hers, I'm sure.

Liberals hate Santa so much, they're willing to kill him:
 
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Congress has nothing better to do, you know. Your tax dollars at work!

Senator Arlen Specter of Pennsylvania thinks the NFL and the Eagles acted contrary to anti-trust statutes in the Terrell Owens case. He backed off later, but still.

It's not the Senate, but it is Owens-related: Deion Sanders defends both Michael Irvin and Terrell Owens. I still don't know about the Irvin thing, but why doesn't someone say to these people that Owens is getting paid over a million dollars to sit around! How is that infringing his right to work? I wish someone would pay me that kind of money to sit around. Jaysus.

And because Terrell Owens isn't enough of a time-waster, a Texas Republican now wants to investigate the Bowl Championship Series and how college football chooses its National Champion. Look, I think the system is stupid too, but a Congressional investigation? Really?

Now that we're sick of politicians, let's get happy!

 
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Don't you love this picture? Don't you want your picture superimposed on one with Jesus? Sure you would! Go to Heavenly Images and find out how! This, of course, comes from Tom Peyer.

Speaking of Our Lord and Savior, even though he sits at the right hand of God, he still needs a job, right? Mr. Peyer, always helpful, links to Jesus' résumé. I'd hire him!

Rules for tourists in New York City during the holiday season. And then, a day later, we get more rules.

Life lessons we all need. Sample: "Demonic possession" is not considered to be the optimal answer when filling in the question "Why are you applying for this job?" on the application.

It's military wisdom! Sample: "Aim towards the enemy," which is printed in the instructions for a U.S. Rocket Launcher.

How, oh how can we get the kids to suppress their raging hormones? Iowa has the right idea: Use their hip-happenin' lingo!
 
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I found this at Andrew Sullivan.

The waiter seduces women. Oh, come on, this is a family blog - he seduces them with dessert.

Chris Cope succumbs to road rage. But he still wears a Pooh watch!

Unrestrained anger at Hot Topic. The way-cool store, that is.

Strange similarities between The Wiggles and ... well, you'll just have to see.

Excellent letter to the editor. With a relevant cartoon:
 
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Thomas gives us this:
 
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This has been making the rounds, but it's still fun: 30 random facts about Chuck Norris. One random fact: Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya." You know it's true, suckers!

The Disgruntled Chemist found this hilarious story. Not for children! It's already famous!

Chris McLaren gives us the actual formula for beer goggles!

Ah, the secret war between spouses. There will be no survivors!

Danielle learns three things about Oprah. Fearful things, mortals!

Kansas endorses intelligent design! Yeah, we all knew that, but it's not the state!
 
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Larry King and Barbara Walters get kinky! Would I (or Tom Peyer) lie to you? It's right there in the transcripts, people!

Can you ever go wrong with Hooters chicks?
 
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Read all about the universal language of groove.

What Scott Adams thinks of cloning.

What's the big deal about having a baby?

There's always room for miscellaneous!

Remember when, as a public service, I pointed out Elisha Cuthbert's blog? Sure you do! If you really need to read it, the link is at the post. Well, another celebrity is writing a sports blog. Yes, Urkel is writing an NBA blog. He still looks like Urkel, too - he can't hide behind the moustache!

Oscar Madison fears for the country. Can you blame him?
 
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Wal-Mart shoppers rush the store on Black Friday!

Speaking of wacky people, I'm sure you've all heard about the believers flocking to the statue of the crying Virgin Mary?

This is an interesting (and long) article about a non-traditional school that works. It's from Education Wonks.

Jim gives good advice to football teams. He's addressing the Washington professional football team, but it's universal!

A lingerie store in Maine is using live models. Now that's salesmanship! There's only one picture, however, and it's not a good one.

Dave Barry's blog is fun. Here he links to something you need to know: Can you shoot a lock off, like so many cool guys in television shows do? And here he links to an Ohio State University study that shows hamsters affected by seasonal depression and anxiety. I knew there was a reason I have no respect for the Buckeyes.

Chris McLaren tells us exactly how to make a club sandwich. Because we all need to know.

Beautiful early morning photographs. Yeah, I know I usually steal examples of photographs, but these are so nice you should go there yourself.

This post is about the recent baseball transactions, but I link to it because it gives us a picture of Shannon Doherty watering a surfboard, and I don't know why:
 
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San Nakji gives us many beautiful pictures of Algeria. I stole a few, but check more out here and here.
 
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Sarcasmo wants a vacation from herself. She has some interesting ideas about what she could do.

Why it's South Dakota: A Sioux Falls demolition crew tries to blow up the state's tallest building - and fails.

Are you looking for someplace to get some higher education? From Tuesday Morning Quarterback comes an endorsement for Furman University, where they actually advertise that dorm livers can go "fountain hopping." Wha ... huh?

Here's a fun article about competitive eating. It includes a link to Sonya "The Black Widow" Thomas's web site. It also includes pictures of competitive eaters. I got this at Matter-Eater Blog.

Who knew that it's against the law to dance in New York City.

Buy this book: Pray and Be Rich. Because God wants you to be rich! This is from Echidne of the Snakes.

Texas tax officials aren't allowed to marry each other. It makes sense, it really does, but it's still unusual.

It's not that hard to make fun of the Olsen twins, but what the hell:
 
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From Welcome to Blog comes this photo set shows all the tasty things to eat in Tokyo. Lots of weird shit there.

A lot of liberals have been having fun with conservative commentator John Derbyshire and going after his wife, which is mean, because he's apparently happily married. Of course, if he's happily married, he probably shouldn't have written this paean to teenaged girls. Scroll down a bit to see it. He starts by claiming that Jennifer Aniston, at 36, is too old for him, and it goes on from there. Eeewwww.

Chilling stuff. People can find your cell phone records on the internet. It doesn't cost that much, either. This is from Mah Two Cents.

YesButNoButYes introduces us to ... chessboxing!

Speaking of chess, those rowdy chess players are getting chucked out of a mall. Damned loiterers!

I'm not going to steal any seedy photos, but if you're a voyeur, you can check out celebrity nipple slips. Always fun!

A school in Connecticut is fining students for cursing. I love this.

Juri hates Wal-Mart. Find out why!

Dave Barry points out that for her new movie, in which she plays a transsexual, Felicity Huffman named her prosthetic penis Andy. Celebrities should, I believe I've mentioned before, shut up.

Heretical Ideas has found the shocking story of the year: Does J.K. Rowling actually exist?

This is a weird, surrealist blog that I found at Mr. Snitch. Browse for hours until you go insane!

Once again, I'm not featuring any pictures from this site, because most of them are not safe for work or, you know, normal people. If you're a sicko, go check it out - it has dozens of pictures of photoshopped pictures of women that have been turned into conjoined twins. Very weird. Very bizarre. I found it here, which has one of the less objectionable examples. And people say I waste time on-line.

Post-Thanksgiving horror! This is not only a fun story, but I know exactly where in Portland this occurred. Nice intersection. Damned kids!

Wasn't that a fun way to waste a Sunday? I hope you enjoyed them all as much as I enjoyed putting them together. Crap, that's a lot of links!

7 Comments:

Blogger Chris Sims said...

Greg, you're a peach as always. And you're totally going to murder my Sunday afternoon whenever I decide to get up.

4/12/05 2:39 AM  
Blogger Woody! said...

First off, thanks for the link love. Second, how the hell did Jim Balet pull off that wedding? I don't know a single woman who would want a sniff of Darth Vader on their big day, let alone the entire theme. And sporting the Slave Leia bikini instead of a white wedding dress? Brilliant.

4/12/05 11:13 AM  
Blogger Gary said...

Loved the links, but I guess I'll tiresomely play Devil's advocate a little bit.

Removing the University of Kansas professor was the right thing to do. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that a professor should not try to build a fanclub where he can denounce anyone who disagrees with him. A biology professor should teach biology. If I spend a few thousand dollars on an education in the University of Kansas' Biology Department I do not want to hear one word religion. Not even in critique. It's distracting and has nothing to do with the course. If he wants to discuss Creationism put him in the Theology Department.

And curiously, I have no problem with the list of books they're trying to keep out of the classrooms. I've either read or know of most of them and I'd have no problem wiping them off the course lists. I really believe that the reading levels are too low and the subject matter taught is so irrelevant it's ridiculous. It'd be more valuable to be reading Eric Schlosser's Fast Food Nation or Noam Chomsky's Understanding Power in high school than Jane Austen or Shakespeare.

4/12/05 11:50 AM  
Blogger Greg said...

As, I believe, Chris pointed out, Woody, it's even creepier when you consider that Balent as Darth Vader is marrying "his daughter" Leia. Eeeewwww! And anyone who still wants to marry Balent after seeing what his idealized women look like probably doesn't have a big problem with a Star Wars wedding.

Gary, you make some good points - but the professor, if I remember, was removed for bashing creationism in preparation for teaching a class why creationism is wrong. In college I have no problem with teaching these kinds of things, and I suspect the University was looking for an excuse to cancel the class and used the professor's admittedly idiotic e-mails to do so. I could be wrong.

And there's nothing inherently wrong with keeping books out of high school classes. There are some books kids shouldn't read. However, whenever parents want to ban books, it seems like the books they want to ban are:
1. "Un-American," meaning they can't question American hegemony IN ANY WAY;
2. "Violent," meaning they show the consequences of violence and don't celebrate good, wholesome violence (why are Vietnam books not allowed but Civil War books allowed?);
3. "Liberal," meaning they might question authority.

I know this is a standard "liberal" thing to say, but why don't parents who want to ban books keep their kids from reading the Bible? Murder, slaughter, adultery - it's all there!!!! That's the issue I have with it - parents want to ban books not based on their literary value or their appropriateness for kids, but based only on what might upset them.

4/12/05 2:32 PM  
Blogger Jacob said...

Liechtenstein more "enlightened" than America on abortion? Sorry Greg, I don't buy it. Liechtenstein voters had to choose between fully banning abortion and banning it only under some circumstances. They decided to legalize it for the first 12-weeks of pregnancy (i.e. the first trimester). But American abortion laws often allow abortions into the other trimesters.

Also, à la carte cable is good liberal idea. Matthew Yglesias has a speech he wrote up for Democrat's trying to reseize the idea of "family values" that has a good bit on it (just scroll down).

4/12/05 7:45 PM  
Blogger Greg said...

Sure, Jacob, go ahead and read more about Liechtenstein's abortion laws. Sheesh, you people and your research. That's interesting - I didn't know that.

And I have no problem with a la carte cable. It seems like the FCC wants that and, failing it, to start regulating premium cable channels like HBO and Showtime. That's what I don't like - if you don't want those channels, don't buy them.

4/12/05 8:35 PM  
Blogger Ahistoricality said...

Well, you can always get my attention with a link. Kind of like the Bat-signal for bloggers.... which tells you what, out of this whole batch of stuff, I actually read.

I pinned a couple of people's maps, but haven't heard much from any of them if the exercise took off or if it was kind of sad....

4/12/05 10:35 PM  

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