As Randal might say: "Bunch of savages in this town"¹
A few nights ago, Krys came home and said, "Where's the wreath on the garage?" I said, "I don't know." She paused and said, "Someone stole the wreath. It's not there."
I'll let that sink in, good readers. Someone stole the Christmas wreath that Krys had hung from our garage door. We have some garlands around the garage and a wreath on our front gate and garlands and a wreath around the windows to the kids' bedrooms. Krys made the stolen wreath herself the first year we were married (1994) and we've hung it outside, without incident, ever since.
Some motherfucker stole the wreath off of our garage door.
Motherfuckers. Fucking Christmas. Next year I've decided to have the most offensive Christmas and holiday decorations ever outside. If there's a CD of punk rock bands mangling Christmas carols, I will find it. If there's a Nativity scene where Mary and Joseph accidentally impale the baby Jesus on a stake, I will find it. If there are klieg lights that will light the night as bright as the day, I will find them. If there are Wise Men dressed up as the Village People, I will find them.
Motherfuckers. Merry fucking Christmas, everyone. May I be the first to tell you to look out for the goddamned thieves!²
¹ That's Randal of Clerks "fame." Poor guy can't even get a picture on IMDb!
² I'm not that bitter about the whole holiday season, really. I'm just stunned that someone would be that gauche. What a tool. I hope he or she is allergic to whatever it's made out of and dies a horrible, lesion-filled death. It's all about the Christmas spirit here, people!
I'll let that sink in, good readers. Someone stole the Christmas wreath that Krys had hung from our garage door. We have some garlands around the garage and a wreath on our front gate and garlands and a wreath around the windows to the kids' bedrooms. Krys made the stolen wreath herself the first year we were married (1994) and we've hung it outside, without incident, ever since.
Some motherfucker stole the wreath off of our garage door.
Motherfuckers. Fucking Christmas. Next year I've decided to have the most offensive Christmas and holiday decorations ever outside. If there's a CD of punk rock bands mangling Christmas carols, I will find it. If there's a Nativity scene where Mary and Joseph accidentally impale the baby Jesus on a stake, I will find it. If there are klieg lights that will light the night as bright as the day, I will find them. If there are Wise Men dressed up as the Village People, I will find them.
Motherfuckers. Merry fucking Christmas, everyone. May I be the first to tell you to look out for the goddamned thieves!²
¹ That's Randal of Clerks "fame." Poor guy can't even get a picture on IMDb!
² I'm not that bitter about the whole holiday season, really. I'm just stunned that someone would be that gauche. What a tool. I hope he or she is allergic to whatever it's made out of and dies a horrible, lesion-filled death. It's all about the Christmas spirit here, people!
posted by Greg | 1:46 PM
6 Comments:
I'll bring it back tomorrow.
Please, don't hold back. Tell us how you really feel.
I probably should have combined this with the sarcastic remark above, but I didn't want to spoil the obnoxiousness of the comment.
Anyway, it is rare to see the term "klieg lights" used anymore. Kleigel went out of business about fifteen or twenty years ago. Just a bit of trivia.
Maybe it blew off.
Anyway, wouldn't it be more in the Christmas TV special spirit to just believe that an angel took it to some penniless waif with a dying parent who wanted nothing but a wreath to make this last Christmas special?
Or maybe it's been sold by some meth addict.
I'm not fan of Christmas, but that's a really bastard thing to do.
String them up by their eyelids when you find them!
And make sdure your decorations next year play Rudolph the Redneck Reindeer! That'll show 'em!
Knowing that you live in AZ, it was a meth addict that stole it...
Sorry, Burgas...
(btw - the family picture is beautiful.)
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