The links are all about the War On Christmas, what we can learn from comic books, drinking games, and Vogon poetry!
Our first category takes us to ...
The War On Christmas! Don't even point at it!
Since Bill O'Reilly is at the vanguard of the WOC (War on Christmas - come on, people, keep up with the nomenclature!), we'll let him have the first word as he battles heroically against the 4-20% (depending on who you ask) of Americans who don't celebrate Christmas and have so much power that they want to keep the rest of from celebrating too: "There is no reason on this earth that all of us cannot celebrate a public holiday devoted to generosity, peace, and love together. There is no reason on the earth that we can't do that. So we are going to do it. And anyone who tries to stop us from doing it is gonna face me." I can't make this stuff up, people! This comes from Majikthise.
Speaking of Bill, I'm sure he's pissed off at our Commander-And-Chief, because he sent out holiday cards. Apparently a lot of George's fan base threw them out because they were disgusted. This is also all over the web, but I saw it first on Andrew Sullivan.
Andrew Sullivan also points out that Bill should be pissed at his employers for this. Brilliant. Those unholy bastards at FOX!
The Disgruntled Chemist checks in on a Jew blaming Jews for the War on Christmas. He doesn't link to the original screed, so you'll have to trust his quotes. But wait: Here's the whole thing, thanks to Echidne of the Snakes.
Stuntmother's own mother wages her personal war on Christmas! Chilling.
Dispatch from the front lines of the WOC. Oh, the humanity!!!! This is from Majikthise.
Just another reason to hate Osama bin Laden!
The godless pinkos have, of course, waged a counterattack against the brave humans fighting to keep Christmas! Ahistoricality brings us a link to one such story, while Dcat lets us know exactly who is waging the WOC. Check out the board of the ACLU and you'll understand why we must defend Christmas!
Moving on, we need to check out the comics blogosphere. No attacks on Christmas here!
Mike Sterling gives us panels from a 1987 Chuck Norris comic book. Yes, a Chuck Norris comic book. My favorite:
Lots of other good panels on display, though. Check them out!
I stole this chalk drawing from here. I found it at Superfrankenstein. Look at it - it's a freakin' chalk drawing!
More cool chalk drawings here!
Chris Sims reviews Tarot: Witch of the Black Rose #17. This is Jim Balent's independent comic book. It's awful, but Chris, as usual, makes it worthwhile to read about. Here's the cover:
It's a holiday issue! Doesn't it look like it? For those who don't know who Jim Balent is, I mentioned him last week because he got married in full Star Wars regalia.
Sleestak ruminates on the meaning of this cover:
Can you blame him?
Dorian learns many things from Brave and the Bold #141.
Scipio knows the real murderer of Identity Crisis!
John Jakala examines the sexist Silver Age!
Scipio, always wanting to help out, compares a good death trap to a bad one. Just in case you're planning on creating one.
Also from Scipio, who with his vast knowledge of comics history, brings us Hal Jordan's Viagra. Who knew the ring could do so much?
Warren Ellis revives the New Universe. That may be interesting.
Because we must, we go now to the political spectrum. Get your waders on!
George Will has a column about the Republican Congress, who believes in small government and frugal spending. I'd tell you about it, but it's much more fun to read what your tax dollars will soon be spent on. Sweet fancy Moses! This is from Fall of the State.
The Environmental Protection Agency thinks it's okay to test pesticides on orphans and the mentally handicapped! This link is the whole long EPA guidelines, but it's boiled down here. I found the story at Goin' Ape.
In case you missed it while you were out interacting with real live people over the weekend, the blogaxy is all a-twitter with a very serious story out of Beaverton, Oregon, not too far from where I used to live. Here's the story. The details are not very forthcoming, but what is known is this: a girl accused three men of gang raping her, the prosecutor decided there wasn't enough evidence to take it to trial, and then the county turned around and prosecuted the girl for a false rape charge. She was convicted. I was going to do a longer post about this, but I was too sickened by it. There's a lot of reaction to it, including this post, in which the writer tells us he attended the trial and has known the girl her whole life. Other reactions, with many links, can be found here and here and here. Devil's advocates can be found here, here, and here. The people who argue for caution in condemning the judge and prosecutors make good points, but they overlook a crucial one: the judge found all the stories to be contradictory. If there wasn't enough evidence to send the men to trial, why was there enough to convict the girl? This is a sad case, because although we need to guard against false rape accusations, they happen with such infrequency that all this will do is scare more women into keeping their rapes to themselves.
Are you tired of Bill O'Reilly and Ann Coulter? Or, if you're a good conservative, are you sick of Michael Moore and Al Franken? Well, as Dave points out in this post, these people are just actors. They're playing a part. He links, however, to this story in Mother Jones, which is about the Christian Reconstruction. It's very frightening, and it should disturb liberals and conservatives alike. These people want nothing less than to destroy our government and replace it with a theocracy. Really. It's not the same as saying "Bush wants to establish a theocracy" - Bush is bought and paid for by big business, after all. These people want to rip up the Constitution and replace it with the Bible. Literally. Go read it. It's not pleasant. And they're gaining strength.
Here's an interesting story about reframing the abortion debate. Why aren't "pro-lifers" concerned about the health of pregnant women? I found this at Majikthise.
Ah, the war on terror. Not quite as much fun as the War On Christmas, but still a groovy ride. I'm sure most people have seen this, but it's still worthwhile: The CIA snatched a German citizen off the streets and held him for 5 months on suspicion being a terrorist, but - whoops! - it's the wrong guy! Good stuff I saw first on Heretical Ideas.
Remember the University of Kansas canceling the professor's class about how stupid intelligent design is? Sure you do! Well, Shakespeare's Sister brings us disgusting news: He was beaten up by some punks who didn't like him picking on ID. Today's America, ladies and gentlemen: beat up people you don't agree with!
In case you missed it, here's the transcript of Bush's Pearl Harbor Day speech. I found it at Ace of Spades. Nothing snotty to say - it's not a bad speech, although I didn't hear it, so he may have delivered it poorly. I agree with him about September 11th being this generation's Pearl Harbor, but then, of course, he loses me. Why can't conservatives understand that people who oppose the war don't oppose going after the terrorists who destroyed the World Trade Center, they oppose going into countries that didn't have anything to do with it and remaking it for completely different reasons. It bugs me when conservatives talk about the Iraq War and the war on terror as if they were the same thing. That's why World War Two and the Iraq War aren't similar. The Japanese attacked us, and Congress declared war on the country and we fought them. Guess what? That was the last time we were in a constitutionally legal war.
Hey, this is not shocking at all: the Iranian President has denied the Holocaust. This is from Andrew Sullivan.
Here's an interesting story and a good Christian rant to go along with it. Basically, the Hawaiian Supreme Court said a fetus three days from term was not a viable human being. That would set some people off, don't you think? As Blog for Arizona points out, the court is not being activist, it's upholding Hawaiian law. How can conservatives be angry about that?
Now that we're disgusted with politics, let's get to the fun stuff.
Jon has problems with his kid's car seat. Serious problems.
God the Contractor. Another argument against intelligent design!
As Peter David puts it, this explains so much.
Quotes from real-life Dilbert-style managers. My favorite: "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule." But they're all excellent.
Fake porn pix. Trust me - completely safe for work, family gatherings, or church (although you probably shouldn't be surfing the Internet at church - they might accuse you of being on the wrong side of the WOC, after all). Very funny.
More life lessons. We all need guidance!
Scott Adams gives us the best and the worst job. Interestingly enough, they're related.
Latigo Flint ponders life.
Join the GayProf drinking game! Although you may get alcohol poisoning. You have been warned!
Tuesday Morning Quarterback points the way to the Vogon poetry generator. Here's mine:
See, see the Meddling sky
Marvel at its big Puce depths.
Tell me, Ken do you
Wonder why the Platypus ignores you?
Why its foobly stare
makes you feel Cottonmouthed.
I can tell you, it is
Worried by your Gynotynotol facial growth
That looks like
A Sour cream.
What's more, it knows
Your Viscous potting shed
Smells of Booger.
Everything under the big Meddling sky
Asks why, why do you even bother?
You only charm Grandmas.
I didn't write it, I swear! Blame the Vogons!
Signs the Santa at the mall isn't real.
That bastard Mike Sterling linked to this. It will give you a headache and then you will go insane. I'm serious. Bastard Sterling. At least he's sending me a hard-to-find comic book. But still.
Finally, we get to the miscellaneous. Although it's at the bottom of the barrel, it's still the good stuff!
Here's a fun story: The Illinois Board of Education wants to ban junk food. No problem, right? Except that their guidelines would ban whole milk but not baked Cheetos. I'm not the most common sensical person in the world, but I have more than a lot of people in politics, it seems.
How to determine your bra size, and where to get a good one. I'm all about the ladies here, people! This comes from Pharyngula.
I'm sure there are some people in the world who don't think Disney is evil. I'm not one of them, but I'm sure they exist. Well, I bring you more proof that they are. This is just sad. Just sad, sad, sad. People wonder why boys are punks without role models. Because we keep taking them away! This is from Sarcasmo, who updates other classics for today's edgy, hip-happening world.
This just in: Richard Pryor died. Hmmm. Not sure what to think of that.
Did you read about the taxi driver who bit off a customer's fingertip? Now you can!
The Internet is, of course, a weird and wild place. Proof: Mike's Arm Gallery. Pretty much exactly what it says it is. This I stole from Chris Cope.
Looking for the perfect gift? Ashley directs our attention to Cube Figures. The banality of office work - but fun!
I'm going to steal any photos from this Flickr set, because they might freak you out. They're pretty cool though, so check them out. I'll only say this about them: girls without arms. Seriously.
I don't know who Anna Brewster is either, but she certainly does not know how to dress:
Lance Mannion examines Gone With The Wind here and here. Why should you care? Well, it's pretty interesting. Isn't that enough?
Who knew there was such controversy about ice dancing?
Andy Martello rants about the smoking ban in Chicago. Nothing wrong with a good rant!
It's certainly prettier than watching paint dry.
Who wouldn't want this product for the woman you love? Oh, wait a minute: they're for men! Yes, another thing to emasculate men. This is from Ace of Spades.
That's certainly a fine place to end this week's links - with man panties. Oh, the state of the world! I hope these help you while away the hours when you should be spending time with your families!