The Women of Jerry recap

Let's review all the girlfriends (or women Jerry almost dated) in Mr. Seinfeld's life, shall we? I thought I'd list them by Fame Rating, which is, of course, completely subjective!

Fame Rating: 10.
1. Courteney Cox. Season 5, Episode 81, 1994. Age gap: 10 years. She pretended to be Jerry's wife to get a drycleaning discount.

Fame Rating: 9.
2. Catherine Keener. Season 3, Episode 38, 1992. Age gap: 4 years. She painted Kramer and plagiarized a love letter to Jerry.
3. Teri Hatcher. Season 4, Episode 59, 1993. Age gap: 10 years. "They're real, and they're spectacular."
4. Debra Messing. Season 7, Episode 133, 1996 and Season 8, Episode 153, 1997. Age gap: 15 years. Jerry was waiting out her marriage in the first episode, and when he finally hooked up with her in the second one, she turned out to be horribly racist.
5. Marcia Cross. Season 9, Episode 163, 1997. Age gap: 8 years. She was "Pimple Popper, MD"!

Fame Rating: 8.
6. Tawny Kitaen. Season 3, Episode 26, 1991. Age gap: 7 years. It's TAWNY KITAEN!
7. Jane Leeves. Season 4, Episodes 50 and 51, 1992. Age gap: 7 years. She's the virgin who ends up losing her virginity to John F. Kennedy, Jr.
8. Marlee Matlin. Season 5, Episode 70, 1993. Age gap: 11 years. George asks her to spy on his girlfriend by reading her lips.
9. Jami Gertz. Season 5, Episode 76, 1994. Age gap: 11 years. She couldn't spare Elaine a square. Plus, she had an interesting job.
10. Janeane Garofalo. Season 7, Episode 134, 1996. Age gap: 12 years. Jerry proposed to her because they were so much alike, but then they decided they hated each other.
11. Christine Taylor. Season 8, Episode 148, 1997. Age gap: 17 years. Everyone thought there was something wrong with her, but Jerry couldn't see it.
12. Kristin Davis. Season 8, Episode 150, 1997. Age gap: 11 years. Her toothbrush fell in the toilet and Jerry couldn't kiss her afterward.
13. Lauren Graham. Season 8, Episode 154, 1997. Age gap: 13 years. She competed over Jerry with her mother.

Fame Rating: 7.
14. Jennifer Coolidge. Season 5, Episode 73, 1993. Age gap: 9 years. She was the masseuse who refused to give Jerry a massage.
15. Dana Wheeler-Nicholson. Season 6, Episode 106, 1995. Age gap: 6 years. Jerry put one of her discarded pecans in his mouth, which grossed him out.
16. Stacey Travis. Season 7, Episode 114, 1995. Age gap: Unknown. She made Jerry meat-heavy meals.
17. Brenda Strong. Season 7, Episode 122, 1996. Age gap: 6 years. She's Sue Ellen Mischkie, for crying out loud!
18. A. J. Langer. Season 8, Episode 140, 1996. Age gap: 20 years. Her mentor dated Bania, which made her abandon the mentor.
19. Melinda Clarke. Season 8, Episode 155, 1997. Age gap: 15 years. Jerry shaved his chest for her.
20. Amanda Peet. Season 8, Episode 156, 1997. Age gap: 18 years. Jerry couldn't keep up with her, so George helped him run errands.
21. Lori Loughlin. Season 9, Episode 159, 1997. Age gap: 10 years. She gets Jerry to express his emotions.

Fame Rating: 6.
22. Helen Slater. Season 3, Episode 37, 1992. Age gap: 9 years. She wasn't really a girlfriend, but Jerry tried to date her.
23. Anita Barone. Season 4, Episode 56, 1993. Age gap: 10 years. She's Jerry's ex-girlfriend, actually, the one who talks about Elaine's shoes and who gets snubbed by Kramer (and later dates him).
24. Paula Marshall. Season 4, Episode 57, 1993. Age gap: 10 years. She "outed" Jerry.
25. Anna Gunn. Season 5, Episode 67, 1993. Age gap: 14 years. George claims he saw her making out with Jerry's cousin Jeffrey.
26. Katherine La Nasa. Season 6, Episode 102, 1995. Age gap: 12 years. She played the policewoman who didn't believe Jerry didn't watch Melrose Place.
27. Samantha Smith. Season 7, Episode 128, 1996. Age gap: 15 years. She gets Jerry's jacket back from the acrobats, but not before he ruins the relationship.
28. Ivana Milicevic. Season 8, Episode 147, 1997. Age gap: 20 years. Her husband tried to pimp her out to Jerry.
29. Angela Featherstone. Season 9, Episode 175, 1998. Age gap: 11 years. She was Jerry's maid, but she ended up sleeping with him.

Fame Rating: 5.
30. Gina Gallego. Season 3, Episode 32, 1992. Age gap: 5 years. She was dating the dude in the coma, but she was attracted to Jerry.
31. Melinda McGraw. Season 3, Episode 37, 1992. Age gap: 9 years. She was the hit-and-run driver that Jerry couldn't turn in because he was attracted to her.
32. Jessica Lundy. Season 4, Episode 47, 1992. Age gap: 12 years. Her laugh sounded like Elmer Fudd's.
33. Susan Walter. Season 4, Episode 60, 1993. Age gap: 9 years. The infamous Mulva.
34. Suzanne Snyder. Season 5, Episode 79, 1994. Age gap: 6-7 years. She refused to eat pie. She's also Poppie's daughter.
35. Marguerite MacIntyre. Season 6, Episode 87, 1994. Age gap: 11 years. She was Miss Rhode Island; Jerry accidentally killed her doves.
36. Rebecca Staab. Season 6, Episode 89, 1994. Age gap: 7 years. She sent Jerry a thank-you card for appearing on her telethon.
37. Elisa Löwensohn. Season 6, Episode 92, 1994. Age gap: 12 years. She played the Romanian gymnast who wasn't as weird sexually as Jerry hoped.
38. Alexandra Wentworth. Season 7, Episode 116, 1995. Age gap: 11 years. Jerry chose the Soup Nazi's soup over her.
39. Justine Miceli. Season 9, Episode 164, 1997. Age gap: 5 years. She's in the backward episode; Jerry sleeps with her even though George likes her.
40. Cindy Ambuehl. Season 9, Episode 172, 1998. Age gap: 10 years. She has a "secret tractor story."
41. Julia Campbell. Season 9, Episode 174, 1998. Age gap: 8 years. Jerry tried to break up with her but was scared of "the Lopper," so he couldn't.

Fame Rating: 4.
42. Melanie Smith. Season 5, Episodes 82, 83, 85, and 86, 1994. Age gap: 9 years. Jerry made out with her during Schindler's List.
43. Marita Geraghty. Season 6, Episode 88, 1994. Age gap: Unknown. She was dumped by Newman.
44. Renée Props. Season 6, Episode 96, 1994. Age gap: 8 years. She played Lois, so Jerry could act like Superman.
45. Jann Karam. Season 6, Episode 97, 1995. Age gap: Unknown. She was the non-laugher whom Jerry wanted to dump for her laughing roommate.
46. Kristin Bauer. Season 8, Episode 137, 1996. Age gap: 20 years. Man Hands!
47. Kathleen McClellan. Season 9, Episode 165, 1997. Age gap: Probably 15-16 years. She's always naked, and Jerry doesn't like that!

Fame Rating: 3.
48. Tracy Kolis. Season 2, Episode 6, 1991. Age gap: Unknown. Jerry wanted to dump her, but she had a "psycho-sexual" hold on him.
49. Gretchen German. Season 2, Episode 9, 1991. Age gap: Unknown. She likes the Dockers commercial that Jerry finds stupid.
50. Jennifer Lynn Campbell. Season 4, Episodes 52 and 53, 1992. Age gap: 13 years. Jerry met her on the plane, and she later thought she caught him picking his nose.
51. Kimberly Norris. Season 5, Episode 74, 1993. Age gap: Unknown. She's the Native American who is always around when Jerry does something offensive.
52. Angela Dohrmann. Season 6, Episode 90, 1994. Age gap: Unknown. Everyone thought she was Chinese because her name was Donna Chang.
53. Heather Medway. Season 6, Episode 97, 1995. Age gap: Unknown. She was the laughing roommate who almost got Jerry involved in a threesome.
54. Athena Massey. Season 7, Episode 111, 1995. Age gap: 18 years. She eats her peas one at a time, which vexes Jerry.
55. Julia Pennington. Season 9, Episode 162, 1997. Age gap: Unknown. Jerry drugs her to play with her classic toy collection.

Fame Rating: 2.
56. Lynn Clark. Season 1, Episodes 2 and 5, 1990. Age gap: Unknown. Jerry stalked her and later went on an awful weekend with her.
57. Lisa Malkiewicz. Season 4, Episode 48, 1992. Age gap: Unknown. Jerry freaked her out with his dirty talk.
58. Elena Wohl. Season 4, Episodes 63 and 64, 1993. Age gap: Unknown. She was the actress who played Elaine in the pilot.
59. Kimberly Campbell. Season 5, Episode 75, 1993. Age gap: Unknown. She has the fungus cream in her bathroom.
60. Jennifer Guthrie. Season 7, Episode 119, 1995. Age gap: 5 years. She's stocking up on sponges, so Jerry realizes she's "bad" even though he thinks she's "good."
61. Lisa Deanne. Season 7, Episode 123, 1996. Age gap: Unknown. She always wore the same outfit.
62. Dylan (Danette) Tays. Season 7, Episode 130, 1996. Age gap: Unknown. She could get whatever she wanted.
63. Kim Myers. Season 8, Episode 136, 1996. Age gap: 12 years. Kramer goes ga-ga over Jerry's girlfriend, which leads to Jerry going ga-ga.
64. Sara Rose Peterson. Season 9, Episode 158, 1997. Age gap: Unknown. Jerry pretends her belly button can talk.
65. Karen Fineman. Season 9, Episode 166, 1997. Age gap: Unknown. She looks different in different light.

Fame Rating: 1.
66. Pamela Brüll. Pilot, Episode 1, 1989. She's the woman who comes to visit Jerry, and he's not sure what's going on. She's getting married, so maybe she shouldn't count, but what the hell.
67. Berta Maria Waagfjord. Season 6, Episode 108, 1995. Age gap: Unknown. She's waiting for Jerry at the airport, and he almost misses his date.
68. Adelaide Miller. Season 6, Episode 110, 1995. Age gap: Unknown. She's Bette Miller's understudy.
69. Jennette Robbins. Season 9, Episode 168, 1998. Age gap: Unknown. She makes Jerry hold all her stuff, forcing him to get a purse.

In 180 episodes (counting clip shows and the finale), Jerry had 69 girlfriends, more or less (some he didn't actually date, but we're counting them anyway). That's slightly more than 1 girlfriend for every 3 shows, which isn't bad. I think I did a pretty good job with the Fame Ratings - you might disagree with a few (and I did change Kristin Davis, because she's more famous than I thought), but when you line them up by rank, I think it's not bad. Courteney Cox, I would argue, is definitely the most Famous of Jerry's girlfriends. Even my parents know who she is! The average age gap between Jerry and the women whose age I could find, by the way, is a shade under 11 years, which isn't too surprising.

In case you're interested in reading more about these ladies, here are the links to the season posts: Pilot, Season One, Season Two, Season Three, Season Four, Season Five, Season Six, Season Seven, Season Eight, and Season Nine.

Thanks for checking these out with me. It's been fun.

The Women of Jerry, Part 10

Let's finish our tour through Jerry Seinfeld's girlfriends with the final season, No. 9, which was probably the worst (Season One might qualify too). But that doesn't mean there weren't girlfriends to consider!

Episode One (157), "The Butter Shave" (aired 25 September 1997). Kramer shaves with butter. Oh dear. What an unfunny episode, from Newman turning into a cannibal to Elaine fighting with Puddy. Bania following Jerry to success is mildly funny, but it doesn't save things. Jerry has no girlfriend, although Kristin Davis does show up, as Bania's girlfriend. And seeing Gordon Jump in these episodes is always a treat.

Episode Two (158), "The Voice" (aired 2 October 1997). Another somewhat poor episode, with Jerry actually choosing his funny voice over his girlfriend, who gets angry when he explains the voice is what they believe her belly button sounds like. Kramer gets an intern, which ought to be more clever (it's mildly amusing), and Gordon Jump tries to get George to quit because he lied about being handicapped, but George hangs on. Jerry's girlfriend is played by Sara Rose Peterson, who gets a Fame Rating of 2 out of 10. She showed up on Friends a few years after this, but has never done anything of note. I have no idea how old she is, but I would guess at least 15 years younger than Jerry, who was 43 when this episode aired.

Episode Three (159), "The Serenity Now" (aired 9 October 1997). This is actually a pretty funny episode, with Frank Costanza's cry of "Serenity Now!" ringing throughout it. Jerry's girlfriend teaches him to express his emotions, which leads to him being rude to her and eventually proposing to Elaine. George opens up to Jerry about his deepest emotions, which scares Jerry straight. It's not bad at all. Lori Loughlin is Jerry's girlfriend, and she gets a Fame Rating of 7 out of 10. Loughlin is a strange actress, because I know she's famous, but I've rarely seen her in things. She shows up in stuff I simply don't watch, like Full House, which made her famous. She's not a bad match for Jerry, actually - she was 33 when the episode aired, so she was 10 years younger than her co-star, but they fit better than some of his even younger girlfriends. She's also one of those women who appeared on Seinfeld well after they became famous.

Episode Four (160), "The Blood" (aired 16 October 1997). Jerry has no girlfriend, and that's probably for the best, because that means we can just move on. This episode features Jerry getting a transfusion of Kramer's blood, plus the return of Lloyd Bridges as Izzy Mandelbaum. Blech. George's transformation into, as Jerry calls him, "Caligula," is mildly amusing, though.

Episode Five (161), "The Junk Mail" (aired 30 October 1997). Another mediocre episode, as Jerry gets a van from "the summer George," his old camp friend. Wilford Brimley's appearance as the Postmaster General is okay, but another than that, not much is good here. Jerry has no girlfriend.

Episode Six (162), "The Merv Griffin Show" (aired 6 November 1997). Kramer finds the set of the show in a dumpster and turns his apartment into The Merv Griffin Show. George's subplot with the wounded squirrel is too stupid to mention, but Jerry's weird relationship with his girlfriend, who owns all the old toys, is somewhat funny. The less said about Elaine's subplot at Peterman the better. Jerry's girlfriend is played by Julia Pennington, whose appearance here was her first. She gets a Fame Rating of 3 out of 10, because she did some work after this, but still nothing really remarkable. I can't find any pictures or biographical information about her, but I can't believe she was older than 30 when this episode aired.

Episode Seven (163), "The Slicer" (aired 13 November 1997). Marcia Cross shows up as Jerry's dermatologist girlfriend in another one of these latter-day Seinfeld episodes where the stupidity just spirals out of control. Oh well. Cross gets a Fame Rating of 9 out of 10, because she's been in two seminal soap operas, Melrose Place and Desperate Housewives, on which she's the best of the four (even though I haven't seen it in a while - when I watched it, she was the best). She was also Kirstie Alley's sister on an episode of Cheers back in the day! Cross was 35 when the episode aired, and like Lori Loughlin, she actually looks like a good match for Jerry, who was still 43.

Episode Eight (164), "The Betrayal" (aired 20 November 1997). This is the backwards episode, which is somewhat amusing to watch, but it's not that much better than the rest of the episodes in this season. Jerry's girlfriend, Nina, is played by Justine Miceli. I guess she's not really his girlfriend, but they do have sex, and that's good enough for me! Miceli gets a Fame Rating of 5 out of 10, because she was in NYPD Blue for a while, and she's worked pretty steadily for 15 years. Shockingly enough, she was actually born in the same decade as Jerry was! She's almost exactly five years younger than he is, so she was 38 when the episode aired. Stunning. There are some funny things in this episode, like Jerry marveling about e-mail and Kramer being unwilling to take Jerry's food when Jerry first moved in. Of course, that contradicts the old Mad About You episode where we learn that Paul was living there when Jerry did, but oh well.

Episode Nine (165), "The Apology" (aired 11 December 1997). James Spader shows up and fails to apologize to George for making fun of his big head (he's in AA and needs to make amends to people). Jerry, meanwhile, dates a woman who's always naked (how does she go out?). Foolishly, he ruins it. Stupid Jerry! The girlfriend is played by Kathleen McClellan. She has never done much, although she's worked steadily, so I'm giving her a Fame Rating of 4 out of 10, and that's only because she appeared in both Stuff Magazine and Maxim. Now that's impressive! McClellan was Miss Photogenic at the Miss Teen USA pageant in 1988, so let's say she was 18 then. That would make her 27 or so when she appeared on Seinfeld. We're back to a big age gap.

Episode Ten (166), "The Strike" (aired 18 December 1997). Ah, Festivus! What would we do without you? This is pretty much the highlight of the final season, as it's goofy but not beyond the realm of possibility. Kramer's subplot, with the resolution of the bagel strike, is okay, but nothing great. Meanwhile, Jerry meeting a woman who looks different in different light is odd but isn't as stupid as some subplots. The girlfriend is played by Karen Fineman, whose Fame Rating is only 2 out of 10, because she hasn't done anything beyond guest starring in various episodes. I can't find any biographical information for her, or even a photograph!

Episode Eleven (167), "The Dealership" (aired 8 January 1998). This isn't a terrible episode, but it's not the greatest. Jerry has no girlfriend, so there's nothing else to say, except to ask why George didn't just take a short walk to a convenience store to get a Twix bar?

Episode Twelve (168), "The Reverse Peephole" (aired 15 January 1998). This is a pretty funny episode because of Puddy's strange fur coat and the gradual transformation of Jerry carrying a purse and wearing a fur coat because he's a "fancy boy." Jerry's girlfriend is played by Jennette Robbins, who doesn't make much of an impression, unfortunately. She gets a Fame Rating of 1 out of 10, because she was in this episode and in Friends once, and that's it. Sheesh. As you might expect, I can't find out much about Ms. Robbins. She's an enigma!

Episode Thirteen (169), "The Cartoon" (aired 29 January 1998). There's no girlfriend, but Kathy Griffin's increasingly bizarre taunting of Jerry is compelling, somehow. Nothing much else to say!

Episode Fourteen (170), "The Strongbox" (aired 5 February 1998). Jerry has no girlfriend, but George dates Illeana Douglas, one of the two girls who refuse to break up with him. I just thought I'd point it out because Illeana Douglas sadly doesn't get enough work.

Episode Fifteen (171), "The Wizard" (aired 26 February 1998). Jerry visits his parents, which is never good. He gives his dad a Wizard organizer, and Morty thinks it's a tip calculator. Meanwhile, Elaine and her boyfriend aren't sure which race the other is. It's not a bad episode, especially when Kramer moves to Florida, but it's not a great one, either. No girlfriend for Jerry!

Episode Sixteen (172), "The Burning" (aired 19 March 1998). Jerry's girlfriend has a "secret tractor story" that she hasn't told him, and he tries to figure it out. This is actually a pretty funny episode, with Jerry's girlfriend giving him the "It's me" on the phone, George always leaving on a high note in his conversations, and Elaine changing the religious pre-set stations on Puddy's radio (great Puddy line: "You stole my Jesus fish!"). This episode also features Daniel Dae Kim of Lost, who strangely speaks perfect English. The girlfriend is played by Cindy Ambuehl, whom I'll give a Fame Rating of 5 out of 10, just because she's been in a ton of stuff without ever becoming a star. But she was in Phantasm III: Lord of the Dead! I wonder if that's on DVD? Ms. Ambuehl was 33 when the episode aired, while Jerry was still 43, so the age gap is back to a decent interval. She doesn't match up as well with Jerry as Loughlin or Cross did, though, probably because she's meant to be, well, a bit dim. She does have a web site, though! I guess she's designing clothes these days. Good for her!

Episode Seventeen (173), "The Bookstore" (aired 9 April 1998). The whole subplot with George taking the book into the bathroom in the bookstore and then failing to get rid of it is amusing, and J. Peterman's speech about his culpability in getting Elaine's make-out partner into heroin is humorous. There's no girlfriend, however, so let's move on.

Episode Eighteen (174), "The Frogger" (aired 23 April 1998). George buys a Frogger machine on which he still has the high score, even years later. If he's willing to spend money on the Frogger machine, why wouldn't he spend money on a decent crew to move it, even if he's notoriously cheap? I mean, he already bought the machine! Anyway, Jerry tries to break up with his girlfriend but can't. She lives in a section of town that has been terrorized by a serial killer, "The Lopper," so he doesn't want to leave her apartment after breaking up with her. The scenes where they're breaking up are pretty funny. The girl is Julia Campbell, who I remember from Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion. Yes, I've seen it! I'm going to give Campbell a Fame Rating of 5 out of 10, even with that classic film on her résumé. She was 35 when the episode aired, and Jerry was just shy of his 44th birthday. Not a bad age gap.

Episode Nineteen (175), "The Maid" (aired 30 April 1998). Jerry gets a maid. And then sleeps with her. The whole thing with her being a maid or a prostitute is okay, and when Kramer has a "long-distance" relationship (his girlfriend moves downtown) and he gets stranded there (at the "nexus of the universe," First and First), that's pretty funny too. Jerry's maid/girlfriend is played by Angela Featherstone, who ought to be on The Wiggles, shouldn't she? Featherstone is another one of those actresses who's been in a bunch of stuff without achieving stardom, but she was the girl Ross cheated with on Friends, plus she was in Con Air and Zero Effect, plus she cursed Van Halen in The Wedding Singer, so I'll give her a Fame Rating of 6 out of 10. Featherstone was 33 when the episode aired, and this aired the day after Jerry turned 44. That means she was 32 when Ross slept with her and working in a copy shop. He should have known she was trouble!

Episode Twenty (176), "The Puerto Rican Day" (aired 7 May 1998). This is the one that never gets replayed because of the burning Puerto Rican flag. It's too bad, because it's not bad. No girlfriend for Jerry, however.

Episode Twenty-One through Twenty-Four. These are clip shows and the finale, which is awful. Plus, Jerry has no girlfriend in it, so it doesn't matter.

Let's check out the totals! Jerry has 11 girlfriends, with only Lori Loughlin and Marcia Cross achieving any real measure of Fame. Featherstone is the closest to them, but there's a big drop between those two and her. The women are generally a bit older, however, which is nice to see. It's typical of the final season in general that the girlfriends are pretty weak.

So that's it for our tour through the Women of Jerry. However, I'll be back with a summary of all the girlfriends! It's the least I can do! Look for it soon!

The Women of Jerry, Part 9

We've reached Season Eight, which is where the show took a distinct downturn. There were still some excellent episodes, but it got more and more goofy and less "real," and the laughs were fewer. But Jerry kept dating!

Episode One (135), "The Foundation" (aired 19 September 1996). Jerry doesn't have a girlfriend in this episode, because he broke up with Janeane Garofalo in a flashback. But she does show up, as does Susan Walters, whose character's name (Dolores) isn't as famous as the name Jerry and George think is her name (Mulva). She doesn't date Jerry in this episode either.

Episode Two (136), "The Soul Mate" (aired 26 September 1996). Jerry dates a woman for whom Kramer falls, hard. So Newman helps him woo her away. This is the episode in which everyone involved ends up wanting a vasectomy - Elaine's new boyfriend, Jerry and Kramer (for Pam's benefit), and Newman (for Elaine's). The girlfriend, Pam (Kramer even loves her name!), is played by Kim Myers. Despite a very impressive résumé (her first role was in A Nightmare on Elm Street 2!), Myers only gets a Fame Rating of 2 out of 10. She hasn't really done a lot, although I must have seen her in the episode of The Closer in which she appeared and didn't recognize her. Kim Myers was 30 when the episode aired. Jerry was 42.

Episode Three (137), "The Bizarro Jerry" (aired 3 October 1996). See, now this is a brilliant episode, as Elaine continues to date Kevin, who turns out to be the Bizarro Jerry, complete with a generous "George" (named Gene) and a considerate "Kramer" with great, practical ideas (named Feldman). It's a very funny episode. Less funny, but still not bad, is Jerry's story with his girlfriend, "Man Hands." Their story is good, but George using her picture to get inside "The Forbidden City" where all the attractive women are is good too. "Man Hands" (her name in the episode is Gillian) is played by Kristin Bauer, who has had a steady if unspectacular career and therefore gets a Fame Rating of 4 out of 10, although she did show up in Maxim magazine (which is where I found the picture), so that's something. Bauer was only 22 when the episode aired, therefore making her 20 years younger than Jerry and the one with the biggest age gap so far.

Episode Four (138), "The Little Kicks" (aired 10 October 1996). Jerry has no girlfriend. This is an example of the way the show went in the last few years. Elaine's dancing is very funny, but Jerry's plot with Kramer and his bootlegging friends, while amusing, is so bizarre it doesn't feel right. A typical latter-day Seinfeld episode.

Episode Five (139), "The Package" (aired 17 October 1996). Here's another one. Jerry's insurance fraud thing is kind of tedious, and although George's dilemma with the photo store clerk is amusing, it's also kind of forced. There are some very funny moments, such as Newman grilling Jerry about mail fraud, but overall, it's not that good. Jerry has no girlfriend, although the photo shop clerk that George is sweet on is pretty cute.

Episode Six (140), "The Fatigues" (aired 31 October 1996). And another one. Elaine's deranged employee is just not funny, although Frank Costanza's experiences in Korea are. Jerry and George get mixed up in the whole mentor-protégé, and it's pretty humorous. Jerry is dating Abby, played by A. J. Langer of My So-Called Life and It's Like, You Know fame. That's right, she's actually somewhat famous! Langer has been working steadily for years, and as well as starring in the two excellent shows I've already cited, she was in Escape from L. A. as well! Therefore, she gets a Fame Rating of 7 out of 10. Langer was also 22 when the episode aired, but she's younger even than Kristin Bauer, meaning the age gap has a new champion!

Episode Seven (141), "The Checks" (aired 7 November 1996). And yet another one. Jerry has no girlfriend, so I'm not going to get into this too much, but Brett's zoning out when "Desperado" comes on the radio is silly, as is Jerry's signing of all the royalty checks. Even in the dark days of 1996 you could buy rubber stamps to endorse checks!

Episode Eight (142), "The Chicken Roaster" (aired 14 November 1996). And still another one, even though this episode, where Jerry switches apartments with Kramer so that Kramer doesn't put Kenny Rogers Roasters, where Jerry's friend works, out of business, is pretty funny. Watching Jerry turn into Kramer and vice versa is quite funny. Elaine charging a ton to the Peterman expense account is stupid, however, even though it does get us to Burma and funny Apocalypse Now riff. Jerry has no girlfriend through it all.

Episode Nine (143), "The Abstinence" (aired 21 November 1996). In keeping with the spirit of these later episodes, this features some ridiculous things, but George's forced abstinence from sex (his girlfriend thinks she has mono) is funny. Elaine becoming dumber through lack of sex, however, is not. Jerry has no girlfriend. He's too busy trying to get over the embarrassment of getting bumped at his junior high school.

Episode Ten (144), "The Andrea Doria" (aired 19 December 1996). Jerry has no girlfriend, and the subplot of Kramer turning into a dog because he's taking "dog medicine" is pretty dumb, but Elaine getting freaked out by her "big head" is humorous, as is George using his lifetime of misery to get an apartment over a survivor of the Andrea Doria sinking. Why shouldn't George take advantage of his situation? He's had a much worse life than that old dude!

Episode Eleven (145), "The Little Jerry" (aired 9 January 1997). Another subpar episode, another girlfriend-less Jerry. First, the idea of him bouncing a check, when we are often reminded about how rich he is, is ridiculous. Then, the cockfighting thing is stupid. George's relationship with the convict is funny, but it's not enough to really make the episode.

Episode Twelve (146), "The Money" (aired 16 January 1997). Everyone obsesses about money. Jerry has no girlfriend, so the less said about this dull episode the better.

Episode Thirteen (147), "The Comeback" (aired 30 January 1997). This is not a bad episode simply because we've all been where George has been - unable to think of a good comeback to a barb until it's far too late, and George's dedication both to his lame comeback ("It's jerk store! Jerk store!") and the lengths he'll go to deliver it are humorous. Meanwhile, Jerry's girlfriend doesn't really count, but I'll mention her anyway. This is the episode in which the man from whom Jerry buys a tennis racket tries to pimp his wife out to Jerry, so even though nothing happens, I'll count her. She's played by Ivana Milicevic, who gets a Fame Rating of 6 out of 10, because she's been in a lot of stuff that you've probably seen, even though she's never been the star of much. I mean, who could forget her as the lingerie saleswoman in Enemy of the State? See what I mean? She's probably more famous than she deserves to be because she's attractive. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Milicevic was 22 when this episode aired. She's month older than A. J. Langer, so she's still the youngest girlfriend. Jerry was still 42 when the episode aired.

Episode Fourteen (148), "The Van Buren Boys" (aired 6 February 1997). A street gang who worships Martin van Buren? Really? Sigh. Jerry does have a girlfriend, Ellen, who seems perfect to him but whom everyone else has a problem with. Why? WHY????? Nobody knows. Ellen is played by Christine Taylor, otherwise known as Mrs. Ben Stiller. I have to give Taylor a Fame Rating of 8 out of 10, even though she's pretty famous. I just don't think she's on Teri Hatcher's level, although I like her a lot more as an actress. She's been in a ton of stuff - she was Jason Lee's girlfriend on an episode of My Name is Earl, Jason Bateman's girlfriend on a few episodes of Arrested Development, the bisexual bank employee in Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story, a reporter in Zoolander, a brief love interest of Adam Sandler in The Wedding Singer, and Marcia Brady in two Brady Bunch movies. Plus, for some reason Ross chose Rachel over her in Friends just because she shaved her head, even though she wasn't crazy (like Rachel) and liked having wild sex. Ross, hair grows back, you idiot! Taylor was 25 when the episode aired, and Jerry was still 42. A slight narrowing of the age gap, but not much. Taylor was born in Allentown, near where I grew up (and the subject of a Billy Joel song) about two months after I was. I find trivia like that interesting.

Episode Fifteen (149), "The Susie" (aired 13 February 1997). Another mediocre episode, because Elaine's subplot with "Susie" is so prominent, and pretty dumb. Jerry at the "funeral" is funny, though, and Allison breaking up with George by using Kramer as her proxy is not bad. Jerry has no girlfriend, though, so let's move on.

Episode Sixteen (150), "The Pothole" (aired 20 February 1997). Man, when you look at them all at once, these mediocre episodes just keep coming, don't they? Elaine's Chinese food subplot, which gets her mistaken as a janitor, is just dumb. Poor Julia Louis-Dreyfus - they were sticking her with some clunkers during this season. Jerry's weirdness over dirt starts to go a little nuts in these latter seasons, and this episode is an example, as he drops his girlfriend's toothbrush in the toilet and then can't kiss her. Kristin Davis plays the girlfriend, and I'm going to give her a Fame Rating of 7 out of 10. Yes, she was on Sex and the City, which you think would make her more famous than A. J. Langer, but I'm still going with 7, because I don't think Sex and the City was as culturally relevant as many people would think. Davis was also on Melrose Place. She also showed up in a later episode of Seinfeld, as Bania's girlfriend. Davis was born on 23 February 1965, which means she was 31 when the episode aired, but just about to turn 32. Jerry was still 42, so we're back to a decent age gap.
[Edit: After much soul-searching thanks to the overwhelming response (well, two people) about my ranking, I'm going to change Kristin Davis to 8 out of 10. I guess she's more famous than I thought!]

Episode Seventeen (151), "The English Patient" (aired 13 March 1997). Ugh. The Izzy Mandelbaum episode. As much as I love Lloyd Bridges, this is not a good episode. Elaine's hatred of The English Patient is quite funny (especially because she wants to see Sack Lunch), as is George's stupidity in trying to track down Neil instead of realizing that he's replaced Neil. Jerry has no girlfriend, though.

Episode Eighteen (152), "The Nap" (aired 10 April 1997). Lots of silly stuff, but no girlfriend. Too silly to get into, really. This is the episode in which Jerry's contractor can never make a decision and Kramer starts swimming in the East River and Elaine dates the mattress guy.

Episode Nineteen (153), "The Yada Yada" (aired 24 April 1997). "Yada yada" was a hip thing in pop culture for a while thanks to this episode, but isn't saying "yada yada yada" a lot older than this? People seemed to think the writers made it up. Anyway, I guess Debra Messing counts as Jerry's girlfriend in this, because he finally gets to date her (after waiting out her marriage to Cary Elwes). She turns out to be a horrible racist, though, so that was that. This is a pretty funny episode, actually, with Tim Whatley converting to Judaism for the jokes and Kramer and Mickey having trouble deciding which of the two girls they asked out they're going to date.

Episode Twenty (154), "The Millennium" (aired 1 May 1997). I want to say Jerry has two girlfriends - Valerie and her mother. I don't think Valerie's mom counts, even though they do a "Mrs. Robinson" riff with her. Valerie is Lauren Graham, whose starring role in The Gilmore Girls pushes her up to a Fame Rating of 8 out of 10, I think. Plus, she was in Bad Santa - what a funny movie. Graham was 30 when the episode aired, while Jerry was 43. Not bad.

Episode Twenty-One (155), "The Muffin Tops" (aired 8 May 1997). Another rather dumb episode, as Elaine goes into business with her old boss, Mr. Lippman, selling the tops of muffins. This leads to the problem of disposing of the muffin stumps, which is an excruciatingly stupid part of the show. Jerry, meanwhile, accidentally shaves his chest, which means he has to keep doing it or his girlfriend will get suspicious. Wait, a girlfriend? Yes, Melinda Clarke plays Jerry's girlfriend Alex. I'll give Clarke a Fame Rating of 7 out of 10, because her role on The O. C. raised her profile. She was also in Spawn! Clarke was 28 when the episode aired, 15 years younger than Jerry. "I keep getting older, they stay the same age" comes to mind.

Episode Twenty-Two, "The Summer of George" (aired 15 May 1997). I just love the way George keeps proclaiming it "the Summer of George." That and the Dude in Jerry's girlfriend's apartment. The plot with Raquel Welch and Elaine's cat fight thing is kind of blah. Jerry's high-maintenance girlfriend is played by Amanda Peet, whose appeal escapes me, I'm sorry to say. I mean, she's attractive, but not scorching hot, which a lot of people seem to think. This was kind of early in Peet's career, but she's gone on to bigger and better things (I really liked her in Identity, which is a pretty darned good flick), but I think I'll still give her a Fame Rating of 7 out of 10 because she hasn't really gone stratospheric yet. We'll see if she has it in her. Peet was 25 when the episode aired. Poor Jerry, trying to keep up with these younger ladies!

That's it for Season Eight. For a mediocre season, Jerry had some good girlfriends. 8½ girlfriends (Milos' wife doesn't really count), and most were pretty famous. The age gap is getting bigger, obviously, but the nice thing about Seinfeld is the women always seem a bit older and Jerry doesn't age all that much, so it's not as creepy as you think. The only one I can remember thinking was too young for him was Langer - she really looks her age (or even younger), and whenever I see the episode, I think it's odd she's dating Jerry.

In case you've missed any of these posts, here are the links: the pilot, season one, season two, season three, season four, season five, season six, and season seven. Next time, it's on to the final season of Seinfeld! How will those girlfriends stack up????

Answering some questions

Roger asked me some questions, so I'll answer them here.

1. There was a lot of conversation about whether or not to rebuild New Orleans after Katrina. Should we [be] rebuilding in the desert after these annual fires, with water at such a premium?

If I had my way, we'd all leave the desert to the freakin' scorpions. The problem isn't the rebuilding, it's that no one wants to admit we have a water problem. If someone suggested we shouldn't rebuild because of the water problem, they'd have to address the water problem, and no one wants that. I think it would be the perfect time, really. So no, we shouldn't be blithely rebuilding unless we can figure out how to supply everyone.

2. All-time favorite pitcher and position player, and why.

That's a tough one. Mike Schmidt is my favorite position player, because he was the best third baseman of all time (screw you, Brooks Robinson!). He never hit for average very well, but he hit a bunch of home runs in an era where 35 led the league, and he was the best defensive third baseman ever. Plus, he played his entire career in Philadelphia, which was nice.

As for pitcher, I don't know if I have one. Steve Carlton was my favorite growing up, for a lot of the same reasons as Schmidt - he played for the Phillies, he was the best lefthander in the game for a decade, he won crucial games for them - but then he retired and went nuts, so my love for him is tempered by my knowledge that he's insane (and not in a good way). I've always loved Lefty Grove, because he pitched for those great Athletics teams of 1929-1931, and from what I've read about him, he was unhittable for five years. And I like that he won his 300th game and then quite.

3. How many major league sporting events have you attended, roughly?

Probably 50 Phillies games, 2 Diamondbacks games, a Philadelphia Stars (USFL) game, and two Cardinals game (they played the Eagles both times). So I'd say around 60. Unless you count Penn State football games, which I'd count as "major" (they draw 100,000 fans, after all). That puts it at close to 80. And I saw an Australian Rules Football game in Melbourne.

4. How has Seinfeld held up? What still works and what feels dated?

Pretty well, I'd say. Nothing really feels dated because they weren't really into topical humor all that much. I mean, the O. J. references are dated, obviously, but they won't stop being funny until everyone who's aware of the case is dead. I think it's one of those comedies that will remain a classic for a long time, because it's about people being jerks - and who doesn't love that?

5. Your analysis of the Phillies' 10,000 loss. Did you know that Harry Kalas broadcast 29% of them?

I assume Roger means their 10,000th loss, but that was just a typical game in Philadelphia - lots of home runs and poor pitching by the home team. If he means their 10,000 losses, we have to remember that the team has been around longer than any team except two, and for many years, they were simply awful. These days they can't get over the hump, but they've been a decent team for five years. They were also the best team in baseball for the years 1976-1983, with only one World Championship to show for it. The biggest issue I have with the Phillies is that the media in the country hasn't romanticized their futility like they have the Cubs and the Red Sox, so there's no cult around them to sustain fan interest when they suck so bad. The Cubs suck as bad as the Phillies do, but everyone loves them. When people talk about the Phillies sucking, it's not with a wistful nostalgic longing for simpler times - because they sucked then, too. I guess the Phillies should have played in an ivy-covered stadium without lights for decades, and then maybe people would have inordinate love for them instead of the losers in Chicago.

Kalas is a wonderful broadcaster. I heard on the Sunday broadcast that he had called 2900 losses. But he also got to call the only World Series win in franchise history. Plus, he got to work with Richie Ashburn for years. Not bad.

There you have it, Roger. The deal is, if you're reading this and you want me to ask you five questions, leave a request in the comments and I'll leave my questions in the comments. You can answer them there or at your own blog. I hope this gives you some insight into my twisted, bitter mind (I grew up in Philadelphia - of course I'm bitter and twisted!).

The Women of Jerry, Part 8

We're up to Season Seven, but I have to go back in time to correct a mistake. Yes, I forgot a girlfriend! How sad is that?

In Episode Three of Season Six ("The Pledge Drive") Jerry does indeed have a girlfriend. I completely forgot about it, and the episode recaps don't mention her, but then it aired not too long ago and I saw her. She's alive!!!!! His girlfriend gives him a thank-you card for appearing on the pledge drive, and Jerry throws it away and pisses her off. She was played by Rebecca Staab, and she was actually pretty cute. She's had quite the career on soap operas and as a guest star, plus I discovered she's the "hot mom" in those Tag Body Spray commercials, so I'll give her a Fame Rating of 5 out of 10. Plus, that same year she was Sue Storm in the Fantastic Four movie. Awesome! Ms. Staab was 33 when the episode aired (on 6 October 1994) and Jerry was 40. So not a bad age gap with her.

Okay, now we're on to Season Seven!

Episode One (111), "The Engagement" (aired 21 September 1995). George and Jerry assess their lives and decide they aren't men. They swear to do something about it, so George asks Susan to marry him. Jerry, however, breaks up with his girlfriend because she eats her peas one at a time. His girlfriend is played by Athena Massey, who doesn't make much of an impression (I think she was in just the one scene). Ms. Massey didn't have much of a career - in fact, this might be the highlight of hers, although she was in Poison Ivy: The New Seduction and The Nutty Professor, where she played "Sexy Girl," so I might be speaking out of turn here. I'm giving her a Fame Rating of 3 out of 10, because she did work for a while. Although, given how easy it was to find pictures of her on-line, perhaps that's a bit low. She apparently has fans out there! Massey is younger than I am, which made her 23 when this episode aired (two months shy of her 24th birthday). Jerry was 41, so the age gap was significant. The biggest yet, I think.

Episode Two (112), "The Postponement" (aired 28 September 1995). George wants to postpone the wedding and weeps like a baby. Kramer spills coffee on himself, which will eventually introduce us to Jackie Childs, who is excellent. But no girlfriend.

Episode Three (113), "The Maestro" (aired 5 October 1995). No girlfriend, but this is a pretty decent episode. Phil Morris as Jackie Childs appears for the first time, and gets to yell at Kramer ("Who told you to put the balm on?"). The Maestro (Bob Cobb) is played by Mark Metcalf of Animal House and "We're Not Gonna Take It" fame. But he's not Jerry's girlfriend, now is he?

Episode Four (114), "The Wink" (aired 12 October 1995). This is bad episode because it's one of those that brings up something about the characters simply for that episode and is never mentioned again, in this case Jerry's healthy eating habits, which he takes to idiotic lengths. He does have a girlfriend, I guess, in Elaine's cousin, Holly, who is played by Stacey Travis. Travis has zipped around quite a lot in her career, but she's never really taken off as a star, but I'm still giving her a Fame Rating of 7 out of 10. Why? She starred in Hardware in 1990 (very early in her career), and Hardware is a freakin' excellent movie. Weird post-apocalyptic sci-fi flick with Dylan McDermott, Iggy Pop as an angry DJ, and Lemmy from Motörhead. How can you go wrong? Interestingly enough, I can't find a birthdate for Ms. Travis. Strange.

Episode Five (115), "The Hot Tub" (aired 19 October 1995). In this episode, Jerry tries to help the marathon runner Jean-Paul wake up in time for his race. Meanwhile, George starts cursing a lot when he hangs out with Texans. Isn't that always the way? There isn't a girlfriend in sight for our hero.

Episode Six (116), "The Soup Nazi" (aired 2 November 1995). This might be the most famous episode, and although it's very good, it's dragged down a bit by Jerry's annoying (and unfunny) baby-talk with his girlfriend, played by Alexandra Wentworth. Wentworth has made the most of her career, appearing in Jerry Maguire and Office Space, among others, but I'm still only giving her a Fame Rating of 5 out of 10, largely because she's in the Soup Nazi episode. Wentworth was 30 when the episode aired, while Jerry remained 41, so the ten-year gap seems to be back.

Episode Seven (117), "The Secret Code" (aired 9 November 1995). George refuses to tell Susan his ATM code (it's "Bosco") and then he gets dragged into a family drama with J. Peterman. Jerry is doing promos for Leapin' Larry, which means he goes girlfriend-less once more.

Episode Eight (118), "The Pool Guy" (aired 16 November 1995). Jerry has no girlfriend (unless we want to count Ramon, the pool guy who gloms onto him), but this is a very funny episode because Elaine decides to befriend Susan, leading to the great "Relationship George vs. Independent George" debate.

Episode Nine (119), "The Sponge" (aired 7 December 1995). This is another pretty fine episode, and introduced the word "spongeworthy" to the pop culture lexicon. Jerry gets a woman's name from an AIDS walk sign-up sheet but then thinks she's "too good" to have sex with. He then finds out she's stockpiling sponges, so obviously she digs the sex. But then she rejects him when he admits he changes the size on his jeans because he's so vain. This isn't a bad episode, but I haven't seen it in a while. Did they pull it from the rotation? Anyway, George is "out of the loop" because he spills secrets to Susan, and Elaine has to interview her boyfriend before she'll sleep with him. Pretty good. Jerry's girlfriend is played by Jennifer Guthrie, whose career was actually almost over by this point. She gets a Fame Rating of 2 out of 10, because she never really did anything besides take over the Elisabeth Shue part in the television version of Adventures in Babysitting. Guthrie had just turned 36 when the episode aired, so that's a pretty decent age gap with the 41-year-old Jerry. I can't find any pictures of her. She's vanished!

Episode Ten (120), "The Gum" (aired 14 December 1995). Jerry has no girlfriend. This is the episode with Lloyd Braun right after he gets out of the asylum, so everyone has to go out of their way to avoid making him think he's crazy. This leads to Jerry pretending he likes Chinese gum and wearing glasses and Kramer eating a 50-year-old hot dog. This was aired today, actually (Monday the 9th, that is).

Episode Eleven (121), "The Rye" (aired 4 January 1996). This is kind of a dumb episode, with the whole marble rye subplot, plus Elaine's jazz musician boyfriend (who happens to be spongeworthy, as Elaine says early on). No girlfriend for Jerry, so let's just move on.

Episode Twelve (122), "The Caddy" (aired 25 January 1996). We get the return of Jackie Childs, as Kramer sues Sue Ellen Mischkie (or however you spell it) because she was wearing only a bra in public and caused him to crash his car. Meanwhile, Jerry, who loves her "whole freewheeling attitude," falls hard for her. This is a pretty funny episode and introduces the heir to the Oh Henry! candy bar fortune to us all. Sue Ellen is played by Brenda Strong, who is of course famous for shooting herself in the head in the first episode of Desperate Housewives and never shutting up after that. Therefore, I'll give her a Fame Rating of 7 out of 10. She also got chopped in half in Starship Troopers, so there's that. Strong was 35 when the show aired - another decent age gap.

Episode Thirteen (123), "The Seven" (aired 1 February 1996). George gets mad when Susan's cousin steals the name "Seven" for her baby. Meanwhile, Jerry dates a woman who always wears the same outfit. This is an okay episode, although if Jerry really wanted to know that badly if she has any other clothes, he could have gone about it a different way (yes, I know that wouldn't have been funny, but still). Lisa Deanne plays the strangely-attired girl, and her Fame Rating is 2 out of 10, because she had a short career and didn't do much during it. I can't find out anything about her or a photograph. Oh well.

Episodes Fourteen & Fifteen (124 & 125), "The Cadillac" (aired 8 February 1996). Jerry goes to Florida, which means he has no girlfriend and the episode is boring. It's notable because George finds out he's Marisa Tomei's type, which is very funny. Why on earth didn't he wait six months after Susan died to call Marisa back instead of the same day? What a fool.

Episode Sixteen (126), "The Shower Head" (aired 15 February 1996). The highlight of this episode is the way the low-flow showers mess with Jerry's, Kramer's, and Newman's hair, but there's no girlfriend and no reason to write more about it.

Episode Seventeen (127), "The Doll" (aired 22 February 1996). Another show with no girlfriend, although this is the first appearance of Kathy Griffin as Susan's old roommate. And the Maestro returns!

Episode Eighteen (128), "The Friars Club" (aired 7 March 1996). Jerry is considered for membership in the Friars' Club, but when the jacket he wears in the club disappears, things go wacky. Meanwhile, he's dating Susan's best friend, which makes George happy because they can double-date. Samantha Smith is the girlfriend, and she's had an odd career. She was on Charles in Charge in 1984, but her next television appearance was this episode. She's done quite a bit since then, and now she's "Sarah Lennox" in Transformers. Has anyone seen the movie? Is this a big part? I mean, she has a last name, for crying out loud! I'm going to give her a Fame Rating of 6 out of 10. Smith was 26 when the episode aired, a 15-year age gap between her and Jerry. I'd like to show a picture, but have you ever tried Googling "Samantha Smith"? Yeah, I didn't think so. There are some nice photos at the IMDb page.

Episode Nineteen (129), "The Wig Master" (aired 4 April 1996). This is a very funny episode, with Kramer eventually getting mistaken for a pimp and Jerry getting grumpy when a man assumes he's not with another man even though they're sitting around drinking champagne coolies. Lots of good stuff, actually, but no girlfriend around.

Episode Twenty (130), "The Calzone" (aired 25 April 1996). Just before his 42nd birthday, Jerry gets a girlfriend who can get whatever she wants. He eventually loses her to Todd Gack, the guy who goes on dates with women without actually dating them. Nicki is played by Danette Tays (whose IMDb page is under Dylan Tays), who gets only a Fame Rating of 2 out of 10. Apparently she couldn't get everything she wanted, because she never had much of a career. According to the magic of Google, however, she's now an "exotic dancer" in the Los Angeles area. Good for her!

Episode Twenty-One & Twenty-Two (131 & 132), "The Bottle Deposit" (aired 2 May 1996). As funny as this episode is, there's not girlfriend, so I'll only discuss it briefly. Sue Ellen returns to bid against Elaine for JFK's golf clubs, and Brad Garrett shows up as Jerry's mechanic. Strange, considering they made such a big deal about how honest Puddy was, but oh well.

Episode Twenty-Three (133), "The Wait Out" (aired 9 May 1996). I'm going to count Debra Messing as a girlfriend here, although I'm not sure she technically counts until next season, when she actually dates Jerry. Whatever - she's a girlfriend at some point, and this is her first appearance, and one of the very few women to appear in more than one episode. Jerry and Elaine are "waiting out" a marriage between Messing and Cary Elwes, and when George says something stupid and causes a separation, they think they're in. Messing gets a Fame Rating of 9 out of 10 for Will and Grace, plus she's in that USA Network show now. Among other things, of course - she broke Ben Stiller's heart in Along Came Polly, and McHale's Navy launched many stars into the firmament, I'm sure. Jerry, you'll recall, was 42 when this episode aired, and Messing was 27. The age gap grows as Jerry gets older!

Episode Twenty-Four (134), "The Invitations" (aired 16 May 1996). George kills Susan. Sigh. Still, a brilliant way out of the marriage, even if it's a bit mean-spirited. But that's pretty much what this show is about, isn't it? Jerry, meanwhile, gets engaged to Jeannie Steinman, who's a female version of him. In a perfect casting situation, Janeane Garofalo plays Jeannie. Garofalo gets a Fame Rating of 8 out of 10, because although she's more talented than, say, Debra Messing, she's not quite as famous. She ought to be, because she's awesome, but she's not. She was in Cop Land, for crying out loud! Garofalo was 31 when this episode hit the airwaves, so the age gap is a respectable 12 years between her and Jerry.

So that's Season Seven, which I think we can agree was the last really good season. Seasons Eight and Nine had their moments, but weren't really up to the quality of the previous ones. Even this one slipped somewhat. Anyway, let's look at the totals. 11 girlfriends, which is about standard, and some pretty good ones, too. Brenda Strong, Debra Messing, and Janeane Garofalo are a pretty good trio, and Stacey Travis isn't bad at all (in terms of fame, that is - she's kind of annoying in the episode). The age gap continues to grow for the most part, and I'm curious to see what happens in the last two seasons (I know, I'm probably the only one).

If you've missed any of these posts, and for some bizarre reason are interested, here are the others: the Pilot, Season One, Season Two, Season Three, Season Four, Season Five, and Season Six. Enjoy!

The Women of Jerry, Part 7

It's Part 7, but it's only Season Six! How does that work? It doesn't matter, let's check out the women in Mr. Seinfeld's life in 1994-95.

Episode One (87), "The Chaperone" (aired 22 September 1994). This begins the new era for Seinfeld, as George gets to work for the Yankees and Elaine finds a job with Mr Pitt. It's not a terrible episode, but it's not a great one. Miss Rhode Island, whom Jerry dates, is part of the problem - she's kind of dull. She's played by Marguerite MacIntyre, and this was her first role, according to IMDb. She doesn't do much, and she doesn't really look like a beauty pageant contestant - she's not ugly, but she doesn't look glamorous enough. Oh well. I'm going to give Ms. MacIntyre a Fame Rating of 5 out of 10, because she's worked pretty steadily since 1994, generally as a guest star. It looks like she has a starring role on Kyle XY, but since I don't watch that show, I don't know. Marguerite was 29 when this episode aired, which might be why she looks off as a contestant - she's too old. Jerry was 40. The ten-year age gap is in effect! Ironically, given what happens in the episode, MacIntyre has sung on Broadway. And it looks like she graduated from high school (in Scottsdale) when she was 14. Interesting.

Episode Two (88), "The Big Salad" (aired 29 September 1994). In this episode, George gets grumpy that his girlfriend gets a "thank-you" from Elaine that he feels he deserves, and Jerry dates a woman who was rejected by Newman. Newman!!! Naturally, this vexes him. Finally, the show parodies the O. J. murders when Kramer thinks he may have pushed his friend into a shooting, whom he then helps escape in a white Bronco. Marita Geraghty plays Margaret, Jerry's girlfriend, and I'm giving her a Fame Rating of 4 out of 10, because she's a career guest star, it appears. In fact, the only reason I'm not knocking her down one point is because she played Nancy in Groundhog Day, and because, according to Bill Murray, she makes sounds like a chipmunk when she gets really excited. I have no idea how old Ms. Geraghty is, because I can't find it anywhere. She was acting for a while before Seinfeld, so I have to think she was probably in her 30s when she appeared on the show. I could be wrong. Also, that's the best picture I could get. It's from Charmed.

Episode Three (89), "The Pledge Drive" (aired 6 October 1994). Jerry cashes old birthday checks from his grandmother and overdraws her account, Elaine can't tell the difference between the voice of a friend of hers and that woman's boyfriend (he's the "high talker"), and Mr. Pitt eats his Snickers bar with a knife and fork. Jerry has no girlfriend, but Lisa Guerrero is in this episode, which is kind of interesting, considering she later posed nekkid.

Episode Four (90), "The Chinese Woman" (aired 13 October 1994). George sees his father with a cape, which leads to a patented Seinfeld conversation: "It's good cape weather." Kramer goes sans underwear ("I'm out there, Jerry, and I'm lovin' every minute of it!") because he's worried about his sperm count. Interestingly enough, he seems to get Noreen pregnant at the end of the episode, but we never hear anything else about it. Jerry dates Donna Chang, who's not Chinese, which leads to all sorts of trouble when she gives Estelle Costanza advice. This is a pretty good episode, as any that explore societal stereotypes are. Angela Dohrmann plays Donna, and although she's perfectly fine, I can't give her any higher than a Fame Rating of 3 out of 10. She didn't do anything much prior or after this episode, although she starred as Don Johnson's sister on several episodes of Nash Bridges. I can't find an age or a picture, but according to Wikipedia, she currently teaches at Dickinson College in Carlisle, PA. Hmmm.

Episode Five (91), "The Couch" (aired 27 October 1994). This is a pretty funny issue, as Elaine begins dating a delivery man and Kramer gets Poppie to help him with his make-your-own pizza restaurant. Unfortunately, the abortion issue comes up, which leads Elaine to conclude her boyfriend must be pro-choice, "because ... he's just so good-looking." George tries to bluff his way through a book club discussion of Breakfast at Tiffany's, but doesn't realize that "George Peppard" is gay in the book. Oh, and Poppie pees on Jerry's sofa. No girlfriend for our hero, though.

Episode Six (92), "The Gymnast" (aired 3 November 1994). George acts like a bum at inopportune time ("if it's adjacent to garbage, it's garbage") and Kramer has a kidney stone. Meanwhile, Mr. Pitt looks curiously like Hitler at a stock merger meeting. Jerry's girlfriend is Romanian gymnast Katya, whom he thinks will be crazy in bed, but disappoints him. She later tells him, "You may tell jokes, Mr. Seinfeld, but you are no comedian," in reference to a myth about a man called the Comedian who is likewise crazy in bed. Katya is played by Elina Löwensohn, who is actually Romanian. She wasn't bad, but a bit lacking in charisma (until her final put-down of Jerry, which is pretty darned good). I'm actually going to give her a Fame Rating of 5 out of 10, because even though she never became a big star, she showed up in Schindler's List, Dark Water, and she got a hug from Jude Law in a movie once. Not bad. Elina was 28 when this episode aired, and Jerry was 40. As Jerry ages, the ten-year age gap begins to stretch just a bit!

Episode Seven (93), "The Soup" (aired 10 November 1994). No girlfriend for Jerry, although the waitress with whom George goes for a walk and discusses manure, thereby ruining any chance of a relationship and even driving him from the diner for a time is Tracy Kolis, who played Marlene back in 1991. She looks totally different!

Episode Eight (94), "The Mom & Pop Store" (aired 17 November 1994). No girlfriend again. This is the episode in which George buys "Jon Voight's" LeBaron, and Jon Voight actually shows up (and bizarrely bites George).

Episode Nine (95), "The Secretary" (aired 8 December 1994). Yet another episode with no girlfriend, but Kramer does get Uma Thurman's phone number in this episode (and then loses it to Bania, who doesn't know who she is). George hires Vicki Lewis as his secretary because he decides to pass up the attractive applicants to pick someone he's not attracted to, but they end up having sex anyway.

Episode Ten (96), "The Race" (aired 15 December 1994). Jerry finally dates a woman named Lois, so he gets to act like Superman. He cheats to win a race against an old rival and gets to go to Hawaii with Lois. This is a very funny episode, not only for the race plot ("I choose not to race!") but also because Elaine dates a Communist (but he doesn't have to look like one) who gets Kramer interested in the literature. When the kid accuses "Santa Claus" of being a Communist, that's comedy gold, baby! Lois is played by Renée Props, who had done a little bit of work before appearing on the show, but not a lot after (she was in Get Shorty, however, which is a great movie). I have to give her a Fame Rating of 4 out of 10, because although she's in a memorable episode, it's not memorable necessarily because of her. Props was 32 when the episode aired, so only 8 years younger than her boyfriend. I can't find any pictures of her, unfortunately.

Episode Eleven (97), "The Switch" (aired 5 January 1995). This is an absolute classic episode, as Jerry is dating a woman who never laughs, yet is attracted to her roommate who has a wonderful laugh. So he and George try to figure out how to do "the switch," and George comes up with suggesting a threesome, which will offend the current girlfriend but intrigue the roommate. Of course, both women are "into it," which freaks Jerry out and leads to his great monologue about having to become "an orgy guy," with weirdo lighting and shag carpet and new friends - "orgy friends." As an added bonus, we find out that Kramer's first name is Cosmo. Excellent. I'm going to count two girlfriends for Jerry in this episode, because the roommate was willing to hop in the sack with him and his current girlfriend. The non-laugher is played by Jann Karam, and the roommate (who's more attractive anyway) is played by Heather Medway. Neither woman had much of a career in television, so I'll combine their Fame Ratings and give them 7 out of 10, just for this episode. Of course, Medway was in Models, Inc., and we all remember what a kick-ASS show that was! Karam actually has a web site, and I guess she's doing well. I can't find ages for either actress.

Episode Twelve (98), "The Label Maker" (aired 19 January 1995). No girlfriend, but George does try the "ménage à trois" trick with his girlfriend (who has a male roommate), and they, too, are "into it." Oh dear. This episode also introduced "re-gifting" into the vernacular.

Episode Thirteen (99), "The Scofflaw" (aired 26 January 1995). Jon Lovitz guest-stars as Gary, who faked having cancer because everyone was being so nice to him. There's no girlfriend in sight for Jerry, although Elaine has a nice exchange with Jake Jarmel, her ex-boyfriend. She's mad because she had the upper hand in the post-breakup relationship, but Kramer ruined it. Not a bad episode.

Episode Fourteen & Fifteen (100 & 101), "Highlights of a Hundred" (aired 2 February 1995). A clip show.

Episode Sixteen (102), "The Beard" (aired 9 February 1995). Elaine tries to convert a gay man, but fails. She also throws George's toupee out the window after George gets all uppity about dating a bald woman. Jerry gets a girlfriend, a cop to whom he lies about watching Melrose Place. She hooks him up to a lie detector test, which he fails (even though George tells him, "It's not a lie if you believe it"). Jerry's girlfriend Cathy is played by Katherine La Nasa, who I always thought was very attractive. She's never been a big star, but I'll give her a Fame Rating of 6 out of 10 because she's been working steadily in show business for almost twenty years, and even if you haven't seen this episode, chances are you've seen her. La Nasa was 28 when the episode aired, so we're back on track! She was also married to Dennis Hopper once. Wha-????

Episode Seventeen (103), "The Kiss Hello" (aired 16 February 1995). Jerry has no girlfriend. So sad! This episode does guest-star Wendie Malick, however, who was pretty darned funny on Just Shoot Me.

Episode Eighteen (104), "The Doorman" (aired 23 February 1995). Larry Miller guest-stars as the titular character, and Kramer designs the Bro (or Manssiere) with Frank Costanza's help. Alas, Jerry goes girfriendless.

Episode Nineteen (105), "The Jimmy" (aired 16 March 1995). Personally, I love this episode. Jimmy, who speaks in the third person, is just so bizarre, and everyone (including Mel Torme) mistaking Kramer for someone who's mentally challenged is brilliant. Jerry finds Penthouse at the dentist's office, and later believes Tim Whatley and his assistant violated him while he was unconscious. I won't count the hygienist, played by Alison Armitage, as a girlfriend, but I looked her up, and discovered she was Playboy's Playmate of the Month in 1990, under a different name. Here's a (SFW) picture of her. Why the pseudonym???? Here's her web site, in case you're interested.

Episode Twenty (106), "The Doodle" (aired 6 April 1995). This episode gives us one of my favorite girlfriends, but it's George's - Christa Miller playing Paula. She's a cutie. Plus, any woman who doesn't care if her man dresses all in velvet is awesome. Dana Wheeler-Nicholson plays Shelly, whom Jerry must stay with when his apartment is being fumigated. He can't, however, get over his cleanliness to use her toothbrush, especially after he accidentally ate a pecan that had been in her mouth. We had seen Jerry's neat-freakness before, but this is the first episode where it really becomes the issue it would be later in the series. Anyway, Wheeler-Nicholson gets a Fame Rating of 7 out of 10 because she was freakin' Gail Stanwyk way back in Fletch, plus she was in Tombstone. She was 34 to Jerry's 40 when this episode aired, which makes her positively ancient compared to most of his girlfriends.

Episode Twenty-One (107), "The Fusilli Jerry" (aired 27 April 1995). This is the first appearance of Patrick Warburton as Puddy, one of the great minor characters in television history. Other than that, it's notable for the whole ASSMAN license plate thing, and all the talk of "moves" such as the one Puddy steals from Jerry. No girlfriend for our hero, though.

Episode Twenty-Two (108), "The Diplomat's Club" (aired 4 May 1995). In this episode, Elaine is going to quit her job with Mr. Pitt until she finds out she's in his will. Of course, circumstances lead Mr. Pitt to believe she and Jerry are trying to kill him, so he fires her. Meanwhile, Jerry's trip, organized by his manager, played wonderfully by Debra Jo Rupp, goes horribly wrong, and he almost misses meeting his supermodel girlfriend at the airport. Said girlfriend, Bridgette, is played by Berta Maria Waagfjord, who gets a Fame Rating of 1 out of 10. Good job, Ms. Waagfjord! She is barely in this episode and was in only one other show, according to IMDb. I can find no pictures of her nor a birth date. She had to be in her early- to mid-20s when this episode aired, right?

Episode Twenty-Three (109), "The Face Painter" (aired 11 May 1995). No girlfriend again, but Puddy returns. So there's that.

Episode Twenty-Four (110), "The Understudy" (aired 18 May 1995). This is kind of a weak episode, all the more strange because it's the season finale. Elaine gets Frank Costanza to translate what the women at her nail salon are saying (something many women, I bet, would like to know!) and meets J. Peterman, her new boss. Jerry is dating Bette Midler's understudy for the Broadway show "Rochelle, Rochelle" (a nice bit of continuity from earlier episodes) and is suspected of sabotaging Midler to get her on stage. The girlfriend is played by Adelaide Miller (I think), who also gets a Fame Rating of 1 out of 10. Sheesh, there were some lousy girlfriends at the tail end of this season! Miller didn't do much else and, frankly, is annoying in this episode (although I suppose that's the point). Once again, I can find no birthdate or even a photograph of Ms. Miller. Sigh.

So let's check out this pretty weak season for girlfriends. Jerry had 10½ of them (I don't really count Heather Medway, but I'll give her ½ of a credit), but none were really that stellar. None were even really that interesting in the episodes in which they appeared, which is odd. Wheeler-Nicholson is probably the most famous, but even she's not that big a star. It's weird. In terms of quantity, this season has the most girlfriends yet, but in terms of quality, this is probably the worst of the "real" seasons (the first two seasons weren't "full" seasons of 20-some episodes).

If you're curious, check out the other parts of this series: the pilot, season one, season two, season three, season four, and season five.

The Women of Jerry, Part 6

Let's check out Season 5 of Seinfeld to see how the girlfriends stack up, shall we? Yes, we shall!

Episode One (65), "The Mango" (aired 16 September 1993). This is the episode when Jerry found out Elaine faked her orgasms, so he wants another chance. He gets one, and then fails to perform. I can't really count Elaine as a girlfriend. Besides, we already covered her as Jerry's girlfriend.

Episode Two (66), "The Puffy Shirt" (aired 23 September 1993). No girlfriend, but this is a great episode. Jerry can't hear Kramer's girlfriend, who asks him to wear her "puffy" shirt on the Today show. George gets a job as a hand model (and we find out he won the "no masturbation" contest, even though later we find out, in typical George fashion, that he cheated), but of course it all goes horribly wrong. Excellent stuff.

Episode Three (67), "The Glasses" (aired 30 September 1993). George's glasses are "stolen," so he needs new ones. While he's blind, he claims to see Jerry's girlfriend kissing Cousin Jeffrey. This is a not bad episode made better by the presence of Timothy Stack (now seen hilariously playing himself on My Name is Earl) as the glasses salesman who Kramer helped get off sweets. Jerry's girlfriend is played by Anna Gunn. Ms. Gunn has had a pretty decent career, and her Fame Rating is 6 out of 10 simply because she played Timothy Olyphant's wife, Martha Bullock, on Deadwood. What a great freakin' show. Gunn, by the way, was 25 when the episode aired. Jerry was 39. Pretty decent age gap there.

Episode Four (68), "The Sniffing Accountant" (aired 7 October 1993). No girlfriend. Jerry suspects that his accountant is using drugs even though he's just allergic to mohair, and this leads to various complications. Elaine is angry that her boyfriend, Jake Jarmell, doesn't use enough punctuation. It's that kind of goofiness that makes this sitcom such a classic.

Episode Five (69), "The Bris" (aired 14 October 1993). Jerry and Elaine are godparents, Kramer sees a "pigman," and George parks outside a hospital in a bad place. A pretty funny episode, but no girlfriend in sight.

Episode Six (70), "The Lip Reader" (aired 28 October 1993). Jerry dates a deaf woman! The deaf woman, of course, is Hollywood's go-to deaf woman, Marlee Matlin, who gets a Fame Rating of 8 out of 10 for filling the "deaf-woman" niche so ably all by herself. This is a pretty funny episode, as Elaine pretends to be deaf so she won't have to talk to her driver, Kramer becomes a ball boy and takes out Monica Seles, and George uses Matlin to spy on his girlfriend. Matlin has done a ton of work, and on network television, she has been playing Jaime Pressly's lawyer on My Name is Earl (Earl, of course, falls for her). Matlin was 28 when this episode aired, and Jerry was 39.

Episode Seven (71), "The Non-Fat Yogurt" (aired 4 November 1993). No girlfriend in this episode. Jerry, however, curses a lot and influences a child, who begins cursing a lot. We meet Lloyd Braun for the first time (and when he came back, he was played by a different actor). Not a bad episode.

Episode Eight (72), "The Barber" (aired 11 November 1993). Ugh. First of all, no girlfriend. Second of all, the whole "Jerry-switching-barbers" thing is stupid. A lousy episode.

Episode Nine (73), "The Masseuse" (aired 18 November 1993). Jennifer Coolidge shows up as Jerry's girlfriend, the masseuse who refuses to give him one. It's a pretty funny episode, for two reasons: Jerry's attempts to get her to give him one, which result in something like sexual harassment (it's funny in an uncomfortable way) and George ditching his girlfriend, who likes him, to chase Coolidge, who "dislikes [him] so intently" that he starts to like her. I'm going to give Coolidge a Fame Rating of 7 out of 10, because she's been a bunch of stuff even though she's never really achieved big-time stardom. She's always a riot, though, whether she's guest-starring on Friends, being schooled on how to pick up a man in Legally Blonde, seducing teenagers in American Pie, or showing up in one of Christopher Guest's "mockumentaries." Seinfeld was her first job in the entertainment field, by the way. Coolidge was 30 when the episode aired, and Jerry was still 39. Not bad. George's girlfriend, by the way, was played by Lisa Edelstein, who currently plays Dr. Cuddy on House.

Episode Ten (74), "The Cigar Store Indian" (aired 9 December 1993). This episode mainly deals with Frank Costanza's obsessive collecting habits about TV Guide, but it also features Jerry dealing with stereotypes, and is pretty funny. His "girlfriend" in this episode (do they ever actually go out on a date?) is Winona, played by Kimberly Norris, who I always thought was very attractive. Norris gets a Fame Rating of 3 out of 10, because she hasn't really done much in television or movies. She does, however, have a web site, and she is a Native American, which is nice to see (because of the subject matter in the show). I can't find any pictures of her to steal (her IMDb page and her web site have plenty, but I can't steal them), and I haven't been able to find her birthdate, but I would venture to guess that she's at least ten years younger than Jerry.

Episode Eleven (75), "The Conversion" (aired 16 December 1993). George converts to Latvian Orthodox, Kramer learns he has the "kavorka," and Jerry finds fungus cream in his girlfriend's medicine cabinet. His girlfriend is played by Kimberly Campbell, who never made much of an impression on me - she seemed vacuous. I'm giving her a Fame Rating of 2 out of 10 because she was on Seinfeld (her first job), but it's interesting that this was her first job and the last thing she's appeared in is Memento. I just find that neat. I have no idea how old Ms. Campbell was when this episode aired, but once again, I would say at least ten years younger than Jerry.

Episode Twelve (76), "The Stall" (aired 6 January 1994). Seinfeld went for some stunt casting here, as Elaine's boyfriend is played by Dan Cortese (remember Dan Cortese?) and Jerry's girlfriend is played by Jami Gertz. This is a pretty funny episode, mostly because of Cortese and George's man-crush on him. Krys and I still say "step off" and ask each other what we're doing "mañana." I have never liked Gertz, so her part of the show is less enjoyable, but the idea of not sparing a square is pretty funny. I give Gertz a Fame Rating of 8 out of 10, because she's still working and, let's be honest, she was pretty darned famous in the 1980s. For having been around a while, Gertz was only 28 when the episode aired, while Jerry was still 39. The ten-year age gap seems to be in effect!

Episode Thirteen (77), "The Dinner Party" (aired 3 February 1994). No girlfriend in this episode, as the gang splits up to find appropriate gifts for a dinner party. George wants to bring Pepsi and Ring Dings. Jerry eats a black-and-white cookie and throws up, breaking his non-vomit streak. Of course, this is the episode in which George and Kramer see Saddam Hussein on the street. It's not a great episode, but it's not bad.

Episode Fourteen (78), "The Marine Biologist" (aired 10 February 1994). This episode was just on TBS a few days ago, and that's good, because I love this episode. I especially love George's account of how he saved the whale ("The sea was angry that day, my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup at a deli"). Jerry has no girlfriend, although Elaine accuses him of wanting to date the woman who was hit in the head with her organizer, played with grating goodness by Carol Kane (which would have been unusual, as she's two years older than Jerry). I always liked Rosalind Allen, who played Diane. As George puts it, she was the "It" Girl, and you can see why.

Episode Fifteen (79), "The Pie" (aired 17 February 1994). Audrey, Jerry's girlfriend, inexplicably refuses pie. He spends the rest of the episode trying to find out why, but never does. It's quite funny. This is, of course, the first appearance of Poppie, Audrey's father, who shows up again even though Audrey never does. Audrey is played by Suzanne Snyder, and interestingly enough, this was NOT her first appearance on Seinfeld. She was the female neo-Nazi who picks up Jerry and George in the limousine at the airport in Season 3. This episode actually came toward the end of her career (in entertainment, that is). I'm going to give her a Fame Rating of 5 out of 10, because she was in some fun stuff prior to Seinfeld, including Killer Klowns from Outer Space. That has to count for something, right? Snyder was either 32 or 31 when the episode aired (I have only a birth year, 1962), which is not a bad age gap.

Episode Sixteen (80), "The Stand-In" (aired 24 February 1994). Jerry is girlfriend-less again! This episode is the first with Mickey, Kramer's actor pal. This is also the episode in which Elaine dates the guy who "takes it out" on their first date. Not a bad episode, but not really that memorable.

Episode Seventeen (81), "The Wife" (aired 17 March 1994). Jerry makes up for the previous episode by having two (2) girlfriends! The most famous one, of course, is Courteney Cox, who dates Jerry for most of the episode before their fake marriage (contrived so Meryl (Cox) can get a dry cleaning discount that is offered to Jerry and his family), but he dumps her to give the discount to Paula, played by Rebecca Glenn. (I have to admit, though, that I'm not positive Paula is the girl he "cheats" with. I can't find anyone else who's a likely suspect, and I can't remember the girl's name. Can anyone confirm or deny?) This is a pretty good episode, as they often are whenever the gang plays around with a social convention without actually engaging in that social convention. Cox gets a Fame Rating of 10 out of 10 (this is for Tom, who wondered if Teri Hatcher couldn't get a 10, who could?), because since this episode aired, she hasn't really been out of the spotlight. Prior to this episode, she was in that Bruce Springsteen video, Masters of the Universe (man, that's a unintentionally funny movie), and Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. After this, of course, she was in Friends, Scream and its two sequels, and her latest show, Dirt. And there's the marriage to David Arquette. I would put in the claim that Cox is the most famous of Jerry's girlfriends. When this episode aired, Cox was 29, and Jerry was 39. Back to normalcy in the age gap!

Episode Eighteen & Nineteen (82 & 83), "The Raincoats" (aired 28 April 1994). This two-part episode aired on the same day in April 1994, the day before Jerry's 40th birthday. This is the episode in which Jerry's parents are going to Paris but Kramer gets Morty involved in a business deal involving his beltless trenchcoat, "The Executive." Elaine's boyfriend, played nicely by Judge Reinhold, is a "close talker" and takes an inordinately weird liking to the Seinfelds. Jerry, meanwhile, is dating Rachel, played by Melanie Smith, who actually stayed Jerry's girlfriend for a few episodes. Ms. Smith only gets a Fame Rating of 4 out of 10, because she's never really done much, although she did work pretty regularly (including some time in Star Trek: Deep Space Nine). Melanie Smith was 31 when this episode aired. Jerry, as we've seen, was 39, but when the other episodes with Smith aired, he was 40.

Episode Twenty (84), "The Fire" (aired 5 May 1994). This is one of the great episodes, even though Jerry has no woman. After Kramer's date, Toby, heckles him at his performance, he goes to her office (she works with Elaine) and heckles her, causing her to run in the street, where a street cleaner cuts off her pinkie toe. This leads to Kramer's tale of how he got on the bus to take the toe to the hospital (Jerry: "You kept making all the stops?" Kramer: "Well, people kept ringing the bell!"). In this same episode, George exhibits ridiculous cowardice by pushing over women and children at his girlfriend's son's birthday party in order to escape a small fire in the kitchen. Jon Favreau is the clown, and he's very funny.

Episode Twenty-One (85), "The Hamptons" (aired 12 May 1994). Jerry's girlfriend is Rachel again, played by Melanie Smith. This isn't a bad episode, as the gang heads out to the beach to "see the baby" - their friends' baby, who's absolutely ugly. Rachel catches George with his pants down after he gets out of the pool, which leads to the word "shrinkage" entering the pop culture vernacular. The notable thing about the guest stars in this episode is that George's girlfriend, who sunbathes topless, is played by Melora Walters, who has been in a bunch of stuff from Dead Poets Society to The Butterfly Effect but was absolutely brilliant in Magnolia (of course, everyone was brilliant in Magnolia, but still).

Episode Twenty-Two (86), "The Opposite" (aired 19 May 1994). In this absolutely brilliant episode, one of the best ever, George realizes that he must do everything the opposite from what he's ever done, which gets him a girlfriend and a new job with the Yankees. Meanwhile, Elaine turns into George and loses her job and her apartment. Rachel breaks up with Jerry, but everything always works out for him, so he's not worried. A great episode, and a good place to end a season.

So that's the fifth season of Seinfeld. Not a bad tally at all. 9 girlfriends, plus the girl he dumps Meryl for (I won't count her). One Oscar winner (Matlin), one quirky character actress with an impressive body of work (Coolidge), one 1980s "It" girl (Gertz), and one über-celebrity (Cox). Even the ones who are only famous for being in Seinfeld appeared in some good episodes. A fine season for Mr. Seinfeld. Who knows what future episodes will bring!

Here are the rest of the entries in this particular group so far:
Part One (the pilot), Part Two (Season One), Part Three (Season Two), Part Four (Season Three), Part Five (Season Four).