Delenda Est Carthago

Why not delve into a twisted mind? Thoughts on the world, history, politics, entertainment, comics, and why all shall call me master!

Location: Mesa, Arizona, United States

I plan on being the supreme dictator of the country, if not the world. Therefore, you might want to stay on my good side. Just a hint: ABBA rules!


St. Louis vs. Boston

The World Series is set, and after such "traditional" winners like Florida (the Marlins came into existence in 1993, and have already won 2 Series), Anaheim (at least they go back to the early 1960s!) and Arizona (first year in the league: 1998; first World Series win: 2001), this year we'll have an old-school winner -- Red Sox or Cardinals. Two franchises steeped in the history that baseball wallows in -- when it's convenient. When it's not, they crap all over it.

I guess the Red Sox did something extraordinary this postseason. Don't ask me what it was. Just kidding -- wasn't it sweet watching the Yankees and Derek "I'm gay, but scared to come out" Jeter EAT THEIR LIVERS as their team crumbled! What a sight. As my Yankee-loving acquaintances would say, I'm jealous. I'm a Phillies fan -- of course I'm freakin' jealous! I'd love to have a boss who pisses all over everyone else and buys every player he can find just to sit him on the bench and keep him away from other teams! That's precisely why the New York implosion was so sweet.

But enough about the doomed Yankees. The Curse Lives! I think the Cardinals will win the Series, because they have a little better offense, a much better defense, a little better bullpen, and not really that much worse starting pitching. Obviously, if Schilling and Martinez each pitch twice and each pitch like Schilling and Martinez, there's your Series, but neither really pitches like that anymore, even if Bionic Curt manages to get in the game. I'm not counting the Red Sox by any means -- they have home-field advantage and are on an unbelievable roll, but my gut tells me the Cardinals will extend the Curse.

I really want the Red Sox to win, however. I took great glee in both the Cubs and Red Sox going down in last year's playoffs, and the Cubs not even making the postseason this year was joyful. But I'm sick of the schadenfreude. Actually, I'm more sick of fans claiming their teams are "cursed" when they just suck. It lends them some nobility, as if to say, "Our teams are cursed, but we stick by them, and we know they're really truly good," instead of them forcing themselves to say, "Our teams suck ASS. Why the hell are we supporting them?" Bitter? You bet I am. If the Red Sox win, the fans won't know what to do with themselves. Especially when the Red Sox start sucking up the joint again. What will you blame it on them, Bostonians?

Why am I bitter? Because I'm a Phillies fan. The Phillies are the second-oldest franchise around, and arguably the worst. They had more losses in the 1900s than any other professional sports team. Wrap your brains around that one. They have won one, count it, ONE World Series. But it wasn't 90 years ago, so no one talks about a curse (it was in 1980, the year I became a fan -- what a glorious year for a 9-year-old Philadelphia fan -- the Eagles made the Super Bowl as well). They won a pennant in 1915 and lost the Series to probably the team of the decade -- the Red Sox, starring a young man named George Herman Ruth. They won a pennant in 1950 and ran into the juggernaut Yankees, in the middle of 5 straight World Series wins. They won a pennant in 1983 and lost to the Orioles. They won a pennant in 1993 and lost to the Toronto Blue Jays, a team everyone forgets won two straight World Series. Yet no one talks about a curse. They talk about how the Phillies suck. How do we become noble losers? Can't someone MAKE SOMETHING UP ABOUT THE PHILLIES SO WE CAN GET SOME LOVE LIKE THE RED SOX AND CUBS?!?!?!?!?

Grow up, Boston and Chicago. Look at the White Sox. They haven't won dick since 1917 (it should be 1919, but they kind of gave that one away, didn't they?) and haven't won the pennant since 1959, but nobody talks about a Curse (the Curse of Joe Jackson?). Why would Babe Ruth curse the Red Sox anyway? He wanted out of the Boston, because management was bugging him about being out of shape. He went to New York and became "The Babe," the greatest player who ever lived (shut up, Barry Bonds fans). He wouldn't have done that in Boston. The Red Sox did him a favor! So who cursed the Red Sox? The fans back then even wanted him out of there. They didn't like his attitude any more than management did. Who cursed the Red Sox? God? God doesn't care who plays where or who wins what in baseball. God has more important things on his mind, like George Bush ruining His Good Name by invoking him all the time.

Watch the Series. After teal-covered teams and teams with rattlesnakes on their caps, it will be nice to see baseball the way it used to be played, in two stadia that really should be torn down. Maybe it will go seven games, and something weird will happen on Halloween to extend the Curse. Then Boston fans can go on playing the sports martyrs. Just be thankful, Red Sox fans, that you weren't born in Philadelphia. At least the Patriots win Super Bowls. At least you have the Celtics and Bruins. So just shut up.