Michael Vick on the Eagles?

Yes, it's true. Michael Vick has been signed to a two-year contract by my beloved Philadelphia Eagles. Hmmm.

I'm not really sure what to think about this. If Vick hadn't served two years in prison for killing dogs, I'd be extremely angry about it, but he did. He might be a scumbag, but he has paid a lot more than a lot of supremely talented scumbags have. I can't imagine he'll do anything heinous in his time as an Eagle, because he can't be that stupid, can he?

The Eagles seem like a decent fit for him, structure-wise. They, like the Patriots, don't tolerate idiots, so Vick going to Philly makes more sense for him than signing with some outlaw organization like the Raiders. I think everyone on the team will help keep him in line, but I could be just hopeful more than anything.

I don't know how much protesting there will be of the Eagles. I don't feel any sympathy for Vick, but he did spend a good amount of time in prison and he's apparently deep in debt, so what else do you want? Maybe he shouldn't get another chance to play in the NFL and he should go earn an honest living somewhere, but that's for Roger Goodell to decide. If he says Vick's eligible, that's that.

Go Eagles!

My bold prediction

Michael Vick will not spend a day in federal prison. In fact, I think he'll probably be back on the football field next season, in 2008.

Why do I predict this? Vick pleaded guilty today, and the government is going to recommend the low end of the sentencing guidelines, 12-18 months. They want Vick to inform on other dogfighting operations, and Vick will roll over quicker than I do when my wife kicks me because I'm snoring. So that reduces his sentence even more. Eventually, because he's rich and famous, he'll get the sentence down to time in a halfway house with community service, probably for six months, which will happen early next year. By next summer he'll have "paid his debt to society." Then the pressure will begin on the commissioner to end his indefinite suspension, because "everyone deserves a second chance." I mean, he can't go get, you know, a real job, can he? He's a football player, man! Working at a place that his level of education could give him - say, an Arby's - would be unfair to poor Michael Vick! People will pressure the commissioner because Vick is being punished because of his race and because of the craziness of PETA. Leonard Little, an offensive lineman, killed a person while driving drunk and didn't miss any playing time, so why should Vick? So by September 2008, Vick will be free to sign with any team, and at least five teams will sign him.

Vick disgusts me. He fucking found Jesus now? Nice. Fuck you, Michael Vick. And the people who support him disgust me, too. Fuck you, people. I think he should be banned for life from the NFL. Pete Rose bet on baseball and he's banned for life. Michael Vick tortured other living creatures and he'll be back very soon. I feel sick that he'll probably be back next September, but I have a very sickening feeling that he will be.

Liars and Fools!

The big pig is fake. Oh, the shame! Well, okay, not really, but it still wasn't strictly "wild." Read all about it on the web site! Here's what I don't get: who cares? I mean, it's a bit silly to talk about the kid as the world's greatest hunter, but it was still a big pig. What the hell was anyone going to do with it, ride it in the Kentucky Derby? It's not like it was Wilbur, for crying out loud! The kid shot the pig. If they want to say it was the work of a valiant hunter, so what?

That I don't care too much about, I just thought I'd mention it. Clinton Portis, however, is a fool. You'll recall that Portis, the running back for the Washington football team (whose name I refuse to use), said people should leave Michael Vick alone. Vick, you'll recall, is being investigated for fighting dogs on his property. Portis said that it's Vick's property and he should be allowed to do whatever he wants there, and who cares about dogs? When it was pointed out to him that dogfighting is a felony, Portis said it's not that bad and it's his business. Well, he finally apologized, but it was an odd apology (and I can't find a link to it). He said he didn't realize how much people loved dogs.

Really, Clinton? REALLY? You didn't realize how much people loved dogs? I don't even love dogs (I like them, but they're kind of annoying) and I recognize that breeding them to fight each other is barbaric. Jesus. When I'm dictator, people like Clinton Portis will have to fight 1000-pound hogs in a cage match with no weapons. Then we'll see how tough Clinton Portis and people of his ilk are.

How much could I charge for a pay-per-view cage match between Clinton Portis and a 1000-pound "feral" hog? Man, if I knew anything about Photoshop, I'd have a great picture to post right here!