Sex makes people weird
In Michigan, a man has been arrested after "receiving sexual favors from a vacuum" at a car wash. The article, unfortunately, doesn't go into much more detail. We need details, damn it!
Maybe that guy should enter the ... Sex Olympics! I found the link here. That first link is not exactly safe for work (the front page features crude Keith Haring-type drawings in various positions), but you kind of have to root around for the really naughty bits. Basically, next August on the Gold Coast of Queensland (as decadent a place as any, I guess), you can join the Sex Olympics and help determine, well, the world's greatest fucker. Now that's good stuff!
That guy with the vacuum might win a medal or two. Someone should tell him about it!