Top Ten Day: My favorite junk foods
It's a pertinent topic, I promise. I went to the doctor yesterday and he, like Mr. Burns' doctor, was surprised I was still alive. So I'm cutting everything out of my diet. I shouldn't be flip, but I feel fine. We're still trying to figure out why I'm such a mess. It doesn't help that I have indulged in these products for too long!
1. Dr. Pepper. Yes, the diet kind is okay, but there's nothing like the hard core regular kind. You can call it the elixir of the gods if you like, I don't mind. I don't know when I started drinking Dr. Pepper, but it was many years and many pounds ago. Damn my slow metabolism! This will be the hardest thing to kick, even though I still drink the diet. I don't even know if I will be able to kick it completely. We'll see.
2. Snickers. This will be a bit easier to break, even though I love Snickers bars. All the great things about chocolate and caramel and peanuts rolled into one. And why are the king-sized bars so much tastier than the regular-sized bars? Someone needs to investigate!
3. Oreos. The king of the mass-produced cookie. I say that because there's nothing like home-made chocolate-chip cookies, but for stuff you can buy in the store, Oreos rule. I could, quite literally, eat an entire package of Oreos in one sitting. And again, no wussy thin ones! Double-Stuf all the way, baby! People who like the regular kind more than the Double-Stuf are letting the terrorists win. Why do you hate America? (And no, I don't dunk them in milk. I'm hard core!)
4. Nutella. Chocolatey hazelnut spread. MMMMMMM! I have mentioned my love for Nutella before, but it's fun to reminisce. I used to eat it in Germany in the 1970s, but when we moved back to the States in 1979 I couldn't find it anymore. For years I forgot about it, but in the late 1980s, I found it at the mall in a specialty shop and almost died of happiness. Since then it has become more popular and now you can find it at the grocery store. It's wonderful. If you haven't tried it, go buy some and slap some on a nice piece of bread (or toast). You may become addicted. Don't say I didn't warn you!
5. Kit Kats. When I was in high school, I often acted in the play (an autumn thing) and the musical (a spring thing). We would have long practices after school and into the evening. So we would bring our homework and such for when we weren't on stage (more often than not we would talk, but theoretically we would do homework). So we often skipped dinner. I would go to the 7-11 and buy a Dr. Pepper, a ham and cheese sandwich on a hoagie roll (with nothing else; I can't stand mayonnaise), and a Kit Kat. Everyone used to make fun of me because they knew exactly what I was eating. I don't eat Kit Kats as often as I did then, but they're still excellent.
6. Pop Tarts. For years I didn't eat these, but for a while, Norah liked them, so we bought them and I ate a few. She seems to off them now, so I won't buy them anymore. I really only like the brown sugar and cinnamon ones - the other flavors were always too sweet, even for me. But the brown sugar and cinnamon - tasty! Heated or not, too. It matters not!
7. Any crappy cereal, but since they were introduced, Chocolate Lucky Charms. I mean, Lucky Charms weren't that healthy to begin with, so the gurus at General Mills thought: "How can we make them even worse? I know - instead of boring regular pieces of cereal mixed in with the marshmallows, let's make them chocolate!" Oh, you are deliciously evil, General Mills gurus! I have stopped buying bad cereals, as well, but I still love them. These were the pinnacle of horrifically bad for you, though.
8. Oreo Blizzards from Dairy Queen. The Oreos are explained above, and who doesn't like ice cream? Fascists, that's who. In New Zealand, when I was still relatively svelte, I ate a little less than half of a gallon of ice cream in one sitting, because we were moving on and had no place to store it. No, I'm not proud. Why do you ask?
9. Devil Dogs. DEVIL DOGS!!!!! Once I moved off the East Coast, I could not find Drake's cakes anymore, and I was sad. Devil Dogs and their Coffee Cakes (made famous in the Seinfeld episode) are so freakin' good it might be illegal. Despite my father famously (well, if he were famous, it would be "famously") calling Devil Dogs "chocolate air" once, they're still great. I will occasionally ask my mom to bring me some Drake's cakes from the East when she visits. No more!
10. Anything by Tastykake. Tastykake is a Philadelphia tradition, and now they've branched out into other parts of the country and aren't as special anymore, but their stuff is far superior to Drake's (and, it goes without saying, Little Debbie and other "national" brands). They can ship to you, so order some cupcakes and other such stuff today! If you don't like it, I suppose you love killing puppies, too. Do you? DO YOU?????
Like I wrote, I have to cut back on everything, because I'd like to, you know, live and stuff. So let's remember our favorite junk food fondly as we say goodbye. None of us are young and stupid anymore!
1. Dr. Pepper. Yes, the diet kind is okay, but there's nothing like the hard core regular kind. You can call it the elixir of the gods if you like, I don't mind. I don't know when I started drinking Dr. Pepper, but it was many years and many pounds ago. Damn my slow metabolism! This will be the hardest thing to kick, even though I still drink the diet. I don't even know if I will be able to kick it completely. We'll see.
2. Snickers. This will be a bit easier to break, even though I love Snickers bars. All the great things about chocolate and caramel and peanuts rolled into one. And why are the king-sized bars so much tastier than the regular-sized bars? Someone needs to investigate!
3. Oreos. The king of the mass-produced cookie. I say that because there's nothing like home-made chocolate-chip cookies, but for stuff you can buy in the store, Oreos rule. I could, quite literally, eat an entire package of Oreos in one sitting. And again, no wussy thin ones! Double-Stuf all the way, baby! People who like the regular kind more than the Double-Stuf are letting the terrorists win. Why do you hate America? (And no, I don't dunk them in milk. I'm hard core!)
4. Nutella. Chocolatey hazelnut spread. MMMMMMM! I have mentioned my love for Nutella before, but it's fun to reminisce. I used to eat it in Germany in the 1970s, but when we moved back to the States in 1979 I couldn't find it anymore. For years I forgot about it, but in the late 1980s, I found it at the mall in a specialty shop and almost died of happiness. Since then it has become more popular and now you can find it at the grocery store. It's wonderful. If you haven't tried it, go buy some and slap some on a nice piece of bread (or toast). You may become addicted. Don't say I didn't warn you!
5. Kit Kats. When I was in high school, I often acted in the play (an autumn thing) and the musical (a spring thing). We would have long practices after school and into the evening. So we would bring our homework and such for when we weren't on stage (more often than not we would talk, but theoretically we would do homework). So we often skipped dinner. I would go to the 7-11 and buy a Dr. Pepper, a ham and cheese sandwich on a hoagie roll (with nothing else; I can't stand mayonnaise), and a Kit Kat. Everyone used to make fun of me because they knew exactly what I was eating. I don't eat Kit Kats as often as I did then, but they're still excellent.
6. Pop Tarts. For years I didn't eat these, but for a while, Norah liked them, so we bought them and I ate a few. She seems to off them now, so I won't buy them anymore. I really only like the brown sugar and cinnamon ones - the other flavors were always too sweet, even for me. But the brown sugar and cinnamon - tasty! Heated or not, too. It matters not!
7. Any crappy cereal, but since they were introduced, Chocolate Lucky Charms. I mean, Lucky Charms weren't that healthy to begin with, so the gurus at General Mills thought: "How can we make them even worse? I know - instead of boring regular pieces of cereal mixed in with the marshmallows, let's make them chocolate!" Oh, you are deliciously evil, General Mills gurus! I have stopped buying bad cereals, as well, but I still love them. These were the pinnacle of horrifically bad for you, though.
8. Oreo Blizzards from Dairy Queen. The Oreos are explained above, and who doesn't like ice cream? Fascists, that's who. In New Zealand, when I was still relatively svelte, I ate a little less than half of a gallon of ice cream in one sitting, because we were moving on and had no place to store it. No, I'm not proud. Why do you ask?
9. Devil Dogs. DEVIL DOGS!!!!! Once I moved off the East Coast, I could not find Drake's cakes anymore, and I was sad. Devil Dogs and their Coffee Cakes (made famous in the Seinfeld episode) are so freakin' good it might be illegal. Despite my father famously (well, if he were famous, it would be "famously") calling Devil Dogs "chocolate air" once, they're still great. I will occasionally ask my mom to bring me some Drake's cakes from the East when she visits. No more!
10. Anything by Tastykake. Tastykake is a Philadelphia tradition, and now they've branched out into other parts of the country and aren't as special anymore, but their stuff is far superior to Drake's (and, it goes without saying, Little Debbie and other "national" brands). They can ship to you, so order some cupcakes and other such stuff today! If you don't like it, I suppose you love killing puppies, too. Do you? DO YOU?????
Like I wrote, I have to cut back on everything, because I'd like to, you know, live and stuff. So let's remember our favorite junk food fondly as we say goodbye. None of us are young and stupid anymore!
Labels: Junk food, My life, Top ten lists
posted by Greg | 2:23 PM
6 Comments:
I've been on a diet, lost 20 lbs. in the past 3 weeks after months and months of false starts. The key? I started religiously writing down everything I ate, including the calories, fat, carbs and protein in them. Set a daily calorie limit. Honestly, when you write down the nutritional info of what you're eating and you're forced to look at it, it makes it really easy to put it down.
I did that for a while, T., and it worked very well. I have to get back to it, because you're right - it does make it easy to put things down. I'm just weak, because I'm one of those liberals. We can't resist!!!!!
Oh I'm nothing to write home about in the willpower department. I kept falling off the wagon repeatedly for the past few months until I had no choice but to resort to the "write everything down" method. Plus my girlfriend started nicknaming me "fatty." Not cool.
I have cut back on a lot of what made my weight climb: fast food (Burger King bacon whopper with cheese, King Sized with a coke, and two 4 piece chicken tenders), on the chips (FRITOS!!!!!!), on all the soda I consumed (was, at one point, up to 8 of the 20 ounce Mt Dews per day), and all the candy bars. These days, my worst vices still exist (chicken wings, Guinness), but I have also learned to cut back on these as well.
More regular exercise, less junk, less stout, and I have lost a solid 35 pounds since the beginning of the year... and I yo-yo from the 35-40 lbs range for the moment.
Also, I do still indulge and, at times, binge... just not as often.
UncleMonster
You will note that I stole your idea for today's post. thanks.
Proof that I've gotten old: I can no longer eat a whole row of Oreos without stopping.
You know what would make Chocolate Lucky Charms even more unhealthy? Replace half of the marshmallows with funny-shaped pork rinds. "Yellow stars, blue moons, pork rainbows..."
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