Delenda Est Carthago

Why not delve into a twisted mind? Thoughts on the world, history, politics, entertainment, comics, and why all shall call me master!

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Location: Mesa, Arizona, United States

I plan on being the supreme dictator of the country, if not the world. Therefore, you might want to stay on my good side. Just a hint: ABBA rules!

21.4.06

Mary J. Blige needs to shut up

According to the newspaper yesterday (I couldn't find the Arizona Republic link, but here's the same story), God wants Mary J. Blige to flash the bling. I'll quote the whole thing because it's, well, it's something, I'll tell you that much:

"My God is a God who wants me to have things," the singer tells May's Blender magazine. "He wants me to bling. He wants me to be the hottest thing on the block. I don't know what kind of God the rest of y'all are serving, but the God I serve says, 'Mary, you need to be the hottest thing this year, and I'm gonna make sure you're doing that'."


The sheer awesomeness of that statement is breathtaking. Did everyone know that "bling" can now be used as a verb, as in, "He wants me to bling"? I didn't know that.

Now, before you go criticizing Ms. J. Blige for her statement, I think you better understand your Bible just a little bit more than you do. In Matthew 19:21, Jesus says, "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven." What you may not know is that in the second century, the famous Bishop Snoopius of Doggius wrote a letter to one of his flock, a man we know only as Fitty Denarii, explaining that in the original, Jesus went on to say, "The treasure in heaven will be like unto the bling of the earth; therefore, keep thine bling on earth to dazzle the sinners and shine like unto the heavens." When it came time to codify the New Testament, the assembled bishops declared that Bishop Snoopius was a heretic because of his funky beats and edited that part out. Damned interfering bishops!

Hey, Mary: shut the hell up. And leave God out of this. He has enough to worry about.

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6 Comments:

Blogger Thomas said...

Hmm, Mary J. Blige.

21/4/06 3:58 PM  
Blogger Roger Owen Green said...

"And leave God out of this. He has enough to worry about."
Or She.

22/4/06 6:45 AM  
Blogger Greg said...

You're just so PC, Roger.

22/4/06 8:28 AM  
Blogger Roger Owen Green said...

No, it's just that if we're made in God's image, God is, at least in part, female. And black.

22/4/06 5:39 PM  
Blogger Kait said...

Truer words have not been said.

By the way, Greg, I totally don't mind if you continue to ask about the dissertation. In fact, spread the word and have your friends do the same! (And I didn't get a single word written today, by the way.)

22/4/06 6:41 PM  
Blogger Ashley said...

Halleluja!?

23/4/06 7:51 PM  

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