Someone else who better hope I never become dictator!

Unlike the woman from last week, this is a somewhat benign story, but these people still better watch out when I take over:

A thirteen-year-old girl is the U. S. text messaging champion. Read that headline again: text messaging champion!!!!

Now, this wouldn't be so bad - it's harmless, right? She won $25,000. TWENTY-FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS!!!!! Not to get into my own personal financial horrors, but that's more than we have in our savings account. And she won it for being able to text message.

I'd quote from the article, but it's far more fun to read it. I will quote the second-place finisher, a 23-year-old "man," who, when asked if he was disappointed, replied, "I just got beaten by a teenage girl, but you know." Uh, sir - if that's the reason you're disappointed, might I suggest a bigger reason is that you're competing in a text messaging competition and you're 23? Jesus.

Again, I don't blame the contestants, although if my child were texting 8,000 times a month, like little Morgan Pozgar (who was on ESPN yesterday morning for her triumph in this "sport"), it might be time to have a little chat with her. I blame the people who decided to give money to people for doing this. In fact, I'm going to start my own competition: sitting on my ass. Oh wait: there's probably already a Couch Potato International.

Jesus. And people wonder why the world is going in the crapper. When I'm dictator, these kinds of competitions will be banned and the people who want to join them will be forced to make those little carriages that go inside Fabergé eggs. You know, so they can do something useful with their hands!