Unmarried men! Heed the advice of a veteran!
I am finishing my twelfth year of marriage, so although I still have a while before I can be called a Master, I still know quite a bit. A few words of advice, then, for any bachelors who wander over here:
1. My mother-in-law is visiting right now, so Krys went out with her on Sunday to shop. Krys doesn't really like to shop all that much, but she's still a woman. She said, "I don't think we'll be gone all day." Men: when a woman says that to you, she is a LIAR! She might not mean to be, but she is still a liar! Whether you want it or not, you're on your own for the day. Krys said this has she was leaving at 10 a.m. She and her mom didn't get back until 3.30. Women might count that as not being "all day," but trust me - it is. I always attribute this to her "laid-back Mediterranean lifestyle" (she's Italian), but I believe it's a chick thing.
2. We got a nice print to hang in the bathroom. I got in the shower without touching it and at that very moment it fell off the wall and landed behind the toilet. I was already wet, so I wasn't getting out of the shower to fetch it - I would have gotten it later. Krys heard the crash and came in. If a man came in (well, if I came in - maybe not all men), he would say "What happened?" However, my wife, being married to a doofus, came in and said "What did you do?" Of course I must have done something!
Fret not about these things, men. Part of the glorious dance that is marriage means learning to deal with idiosyncrasies. I have plenty, and Krys just deals with them. But if you're a man planning on getting married, I have to say this: you will always be blamed for everything, and women have no sense of time.
That is all.
But not quite! Today the plumber came to our house because our garbage disposal was backed up. It was very vexing. He got inside and discovered several small stones. What could that be? He said it looked like someone had been cleaning a fish tank. Ah ha! Only Krys does that in this house! She, unfortunately, was not at home when the plumber arrived, but I was able to claim a small victory when she came home. It was accidental, but the stones still got down the drain. Yay, it wasn't my fault! Of course, in years to come I am sure somehow it will be miraculously transformed into my fault. Such is life in a marriage. Again, men, you can't fight it, so you might as well roll with it.
1. My mother-in-law is visiting right now, so Krys went out with her on Sunday to shop. Krys doesn't really like to shop all that much, but she's still a woman. She said, "I don't think we'll be gone all day." Men: when a woman says that to you, she is a LIAR! She might not mean to be, but she is still a liar! Whether you want it or not, you're on your own for the day. Krys said this has she was leaving at 10 a.m. She and her mom didn't get back until 3.30. Women might count that as not being "all day," but trust me - it is. I always attribute this to her "laid-back Mediterranean lifestyle" (she's Italian), but I believe it's a chick thing.
2. We got a nice print to hang in the bathroom. I got in the shower without touching it and at that very moment it fell off the wall and landed behind the toilet. I was already wet, so I wasn't getting out of the shower to fetch it - I would have gotten it later. Krys heard the crash and came in. If a man came in (well, if I came in - maybe not all men), he would say "What happened?" However, my wife, being married to a doofus, came in and said "What did you do?" Of course I must have done something!
Fret not about these things, men. Part of the glorious dance that is marriage means learning to deal with idiosyncrasies. I have plenty, and Krys just deals with them. But if you're a man planning on getting married, I have to say this: you will always be blamed for everything, and women have no sense of time.
That is all.
But not quite! Today the plumber came to our house because our garbage disposal was backed up. It was very vexing. He got inside and discovered several small stones. What could that be? He said it looked like someone had been cleaning a fish tank. Ah ha! Only Krys does that in this house! She, unfortunately, was not at home when the plumber arrived, but I was able to claim a small victory when she came home. It was accidental, but the stones still got down the drain. Yay, it wasn't my fault! Of course, in years to come I am sure somehow it will be miraculously transformed into my fault. Such is life in a marriage. Again, men, you can't fight it, so you might as well roll with it.
Labels: Lies women tell, My excellent wife, My life
posted by Greg | 5:41 PM
3 Comments:
Men are flawed.
;)
You are sooo right on point 2, much as I'd like to be able to deny it :)
Meanwhile, I know at least one man who has no sense of time at all.
Thanks for a great blog, btw
Gospel truth!
Post a Comment
<< Home