Don't freak out!

I added word verification to the comments section. I was just sick of all the spam. Anyway, I hope all my vast minions can still comment on my pithy entries. I mean, come on, I think I might be up to double digits in the number of readers who show up around here, and I have to provide them a way to still comment! It's a painless process - try it! You'll like it!

Some more totally random history!

Today I delve into The Secret History by Procopius. The last time I did this, an anonymous commenter mentioned Procopius, so I decided to go to him this time. He's groovy.

Here's Procopius writing about the Empress Theodora, the wife of the Byzantine Emperor Justinian (r. 527-565), about whom more below:

She used to tease her lovers by keeping them waiting, and by constantly playing about with novel methods of intercourse she could always bring the lascivious to her feet; so far from waiting to be invited by anyone she encountered, she herself by cracking dirty jokes and wiggling her hips suggestively would invite all who came her way, especially if they were still in their teens. Never was anyone so completely given up to unlimited self-indulgence. Often she would go to a bring-your-own-food dinner-party with ten young men or more, all at the peak of their physical powers and with fornication as their chief object in life, and would lie with all her fellow-diners in turn the whole night long: when she had reduced them all to a state of exhaustion she would go to their menials, as many as thirty on occasion, and copulate with every one of them; but not even so could she satisfy her lust.

One night she went into the house of a distinguished citizen during the drinking, and, it is said, before the eyes of all the guests she stood up on the end of the couch near their feet, pulled up her dress in the most disgusting manner as she stood there, and brazenly displayed her lasciviousness. And though she brought three openings into service, she often found fault with Nature, grumbling because Nature had not made the openings in her nipples wider than is normal, so that she could devise another variety of intercourse in that region. Naturally she was frequently pregnant, but by using pretty well all the tricks of the trade she was able to induce immediate abortion.

That's actually some of the tame stuff. Procopius had big issues with Theodora.

The interesting thing about The Secret History is that Procopius was the official court historian for Justinian (whom he hates as well). After he wrote the official history, which no one reads because it's boring, he wrote The Secret History, which everyone reads because it's salacious. The problem for historians is deciding which is the truth. Everyone assumes that because he didn't publish The Secret History (because he would have been killed pretty much instantly), it's the truth. However, it has been pointed out that Procopius may have had an axe (or several) to grind, and that we think he's telling the truth because he's such a good writer. I always tell my students that if they learn how to write they can influence the way people think about others. Procopius is the prime example.

Who was Justinian? Justinian was an Eastern Roman (Byzantine) Emperor, whose capital was Constantinople. He ascended the throne in AD 527 and, after surviving a near-coup in 532, dispatched his best general, Belisarius, to reconquer the Western Roman Empire, which had been lost in the preceding century. Belisarius led armies to Italy, Spain, and northern Africa and defeated almost everyone he encountered. However, after Justinian's death, the Byzantines found themselves with an overextended empire and gave up most of it, retaining a foothold in Italy for a while. The empire became truly an eastern one, and the great divide between Western Christianity (Catholicism) and Eastern Christianity (Greek Orthodoxy) became more pronounced. If you want to find parallels to George Bush, go right ahead - I certainly do. We remember Justinian as a great emperor, but he wasn't really - he just managed to live a long life. His one great claim to fame was his codification of Roman law. That's pretty important, especially because most western law codes (hey! the U.S. is in the West!) are based on Justinian's law, and not necessarily older Roman law.

Procopius really does a number on Justinian, Theodora, Belisarius, and Belisarius's wife, Antonina. He hates them all. Whether or not what he says is true, it's certainly remarkably entertaining and, as you can tell from the excerpt above, wildly frank for the times. We tend to think of everyone prior to our open-minded age as being stuck-up prigs for whom sex and violence was abhorrent. Hah! Despite all the crap we see in society around us, we're still puritanical. Those Byzantines, whether Procopius was telling the truth about Theodora or not, were pretty wild. And God didn't necessarily curse them - the Empire lasted almost 1000 years after Justinian's death.

Buy The Secret History here. It's a quick read - less than two hundred pages of big print. Learn more about Justinian here. Learn more about that wonderful whore Theodora here. Learn more about Belisarius here.

Today is the last day to enter my contest. How will you win if you don't enter???

An anniversary I missed

Mia turns three today. How excellent. If you're interested, here's a post about her party, and here's a post about being a parent. Just, you know, in case you like that sort of stuff.

I missed an anniversary last Friday, the 26th of August. Nothing that would get Krys mad at me, so don't fret. Last Friday was the thirteenth anniversary of the day I met Krys. Yes, I remember stuff like that. I'm going to tell you about that day, and you're going to like it!¹

It was the first day of the Fall 1992 semester at Penn State University, the finest institute of higher learning in this land of ours. I was taking a poetry class (I was an English major, don't you know, which meant I had no particular job skills when I got out of college, but while I was in college I got to read and write and sit around bars with my English major colleagues and discuss sex in literature) and arrived late to class. Everyone was already there, squeezed into a classroom that was little bigger than a closet. The teacher had yet to arrive, however, so everyone was sitting around chatting. I looked around for a seat, but there was only one chair in the room, and it was not pulled up to the table. Therefore, I had to choose where I could sit. What to do? What to do?????

Okay, so my fate would be decided on that day. I surveyed the room. Being a pig, I decided to sit next to the most attractive girl in the class. That girl, if you're paying attention, was Krys. Yes, I am in a fantastic marriage because I'm a pig. See? Being a pig works!

Okay, that wasn't the only reason I sat there. For one, Krys's roommate was also in the class, and she was pretty attractive, too. Not as attractive as Krys (although she thought she was), but still - they were far and away the best looking people in the room. As I am dazzlingly attractive, I figured we all needed to be sitting together. Also, they were talking to each other and they seemed friendly, so I figured that would be a good place to sit. But there was another reason I sat there, one only slightly less important than the pig-like one.

At the opposite end of the room from Krys and her roommate sat a girl. I knew this girl. She had been in one of my poetry classes from the year before. This girl, without putting too fine a point on it, was one of the most horrible people I had ever met. She was actually asked to drop the poetry class I had been in the year earlier by the teacher. Why? Well, she completely ripped apart any other poem that was submitted to the class. I'm not talking about the ones by bad poets who wrote about the time their rabbit died and they were sad (Krys actually got a poem like that in another poetry class she took). I'm talking about every single poem that was submitted, regardless of quality. Not only that, but she thought she was the greatest poet ever. Sexton? Bishop? Dickinson? Angelou? Amateurs! If you dared criticize her poetry, she might call you, among other things, a sexist, a racist, or (horrors!) a Republican. Seriously. She was the kind of weird person you meet on college campuses who never seem to leave, even after they graduate. Everything was political with her, and anyone who was not with her was evil. Not to continue to be a pig, but she was also weird-looking. She cultivated that "poet" look that you also only find on people on college campuses and in coffeehouses plotting revolution over tiny cups of black coffee. She wore a knitted "rasta" hat (you know the kind) all the time (needless to say, she was white), if she knew what a comb was it was as a strange, abstract concept, like calculus or limited government spending, she stank of patchouli (whenever we watch High Fidelity and Cusack tells Robbins to get his patchouli stink out of his store, we think of her), and she was hairy. I'm sorry, but hair in weird places is kind of gross on guys (I'm not really a moustache kind of guy), and on women - ugh. Anyway, the physical appearance wasn't the biggest reason I hated her. Like I said, she was a ridiculously unpleasant person.

Anyway, she was sitting at the other end of the room ranting about something. She had taken it on herself to declaim lengthily and pompously about some topic about which she was the sole expert. The people who had the misfortune to sit close to her were staring, glassy-eyed, somewhere other than at her. I decided, quickly, on a course of action:

Sit as far away from that girl as possible;
Sit near the hot girls.

Kismet! Krys and her roommate were actually considering dropping the class because they, in the few minutes they had been there, had realized how horrible she was. I sat down with them and instantly began talking poorly about the girl. My sharp wit and sarcastic attitude endeared me to my future wife (as she is even wittier and more sarcastic than I am), and she decided to keep the class. The rest is history.

We didn't hook up right away. We became friends first, but then I realized I dug her more than that. The story of our courtship is one for another day. This is the story of our first meeting. It was cool. It turned out to be a great class. I met another long-time friend, John, there. Hi John! He shows up here occasionally.

As for the poetess goddess, well, she told Krys that my future wife was anti-Semitic because she wrote a poem about her aunt, who married a Jewish man (not sure how that could be anti-Semitic, since it, you know, actually happened); told Krys's roommate that she was racist because she wrote a poem about seeing a Mexican on the road in California once (she objected to the term "Mexican" even though the guy was, you know, from Mexico); she said I was sexist because I wrote a poem about violent sex (okay, she may have had me there, but not really, since both the man and the woman in the poem enjoyed the violent sex, and the woman initiated some of it). I'm dying to know what happened to her. She probably teaches at a small liberal arts college and tells all her female students that men suck.

For my birthday, my best friend (except for Krys, of course) sent me a card that reads: "Much unhappiness has come into the world because of things left unsaid." It's by Dostoevsky. I like that quote a lot. I could have kept my mouth shut, and I would be poorer for it. Tell someone you love that you love them today. It can't hurt. Do it for Mia's birthday!

Okay, enough sappiness. Tomorrow I will be more caustic, I promise!

¹ I'm sorry for being short with you. Please stay! I need you to validate me!

Exotic animals - Aussie style!

Only a few more days to enter my contest! Then I will leave you alone.

Picture day today takes us to Healesville Sanctuary, "Australia's premier wildlife park." (Hey, I'm just quoting the promotional material from the web site.) It's a cool place - you get to see a bunch o' animals in their natural habitat, and they do a good job providing plenty of room for the critters to roam. So buckle yourself on in for some weirdo creatures!

To ease you in, we have a koala. According to the site I linked to, "even the hardest human heart melts when it comes in close contact with them." Well, I think they're cute and all, but a lot of Australians can't stand them. Why? say you. Aren't they adorable? Well, sure, but they live in backyards, eat all the leaves off the eucalyptus trees, and shit everywhere. Surprisingly enough, this bothers a lot of homeowners.

 

Okay, moving on to a slightly more exotic animal, it's a Tasmanian devil. Yeah, I know it's not the greatest picture, but if the only experience you have with one of these is the cartoon one, this is better than nothing, right? Cool little animals. They don't spin. They do shriek, however.

 

Ah, now we're getting a little weirder. This is a duck-billed platypus, possibly the strangest animal on earth. It's a monotreme, meaning it lays eggs instead of bearing live young (that's not what "monotreme" means, but both monotremes in the world lay eggs). It also is the world's only venomous furred animal. Another lousy picture, but what are you going to do? I couldn't ask the damned thing to pose, could I?

 

This horrifically ugly bird is a cassowary, the second largest bird in the world (after the ostrich). Look at that thing. God, it's ugly. They kick with those legs. Apparently you don't want to be too close when a cassowary gets pissed off.

 

Here's an echidna, which is also known as a spiny anteater. This is the other monotreme in the world. This guy was cool. He was just rolling around and chillin'.

 

This relaxing fella is a monitor lizard. If anyone saw the movie The Freshman, a Komodo dragon is a kind of monitor. Big-ass lizard would be what I call it.

 

This chunky dude is a wombat. He was down in the main area outside of the vast acreage set aside for wombats (they like to roam) so that tourists could see him. Wombats are cool. Right above their butt they have a large, round piece of bone. When they run from a predator, they scurry into their burrows and push the area with the bone against the opening. The predator claws at the bone for a while but can't budge it, and eventually goes away. The park ranger encouraged us all to punch the wombat in the butt, and a lot of us did. It's a bizarre experience. "Punch the wombat in the butt" should be a euphemism for something. Any suggestions?

 

Finally, up in northern Victoria there is a town called Yarrawonga. These dead trees were in the lake near town. I just thought they were eerie.

 

Well, that's all for today! I hope you enjoy the pictures! Last week Scott mentioned that he likes the pictures, although they make him angry because he has never been there. I don't mean to piss anyone off! I swear! I just like to share!

Why women shouldn't vote, the Church of Oscar Madison, deconstructing pop lyrics, and porn in underwear! It's all in the links!

It's Sunday, and you know what that means!

First, it wouldn't be a good day unless I plugged my contest! There are only a few days left, so get cracking!

Also, it wouldn't be a Sunday if I didn't tell you to sign my GuestMap. The latest to enter the dazzling world of the GuestMap are Ashley, who has forgiven me for liking Oasis, and the mysterious Anonymous up in Newfoundland. Don't be left behind! Lisa wants to know why she is the only New Zealander on the map. I'd like to say because she's so cool, but if there are any of you reading on the North or South Island, say hello!

Well, I did a lot more surfing than I had the past two weeks this week, so there are links aplenty! I mean it. Enjoy:

Pat Robertson (and the United States) versus Venezuela and their "worse-than-Hitler" dictator, Hugo Chavez.

As you all know, Pat Robertson called for the assassination of the president of Venezuela, Hugo Chavez, on Monday. I don't want to get too much into it, because it's been done to death, but there are a few interesting things out there in cyberspace. First, of course, he claimed he was misinterpreted, saying he never used the word "assassinate." Of course, that's bullshit, since everyone can see the footage. Then, he apologized. How nice. Of course, a lot of people are defending Robertson. Hugo Chavez is a crazy man, so he must be killed, right? Here is a post that links to some of them. Some interesting arguments about Chavez's rise to power and his abuses, but basically, the defense of Robertson comes down to: The United States is the world's only superpower, and we have the right to kill anyone who threatens our national interest. These people who hate Chavez don't really give a tiny rat's ass about the poor in Venezuela. If they did, they'd care about the poor in the U.S. first. This is an interesting article about why no one is challenging people who say Chavez is worse than Hitler. Finally, thanks to Overcompensating, we know what Pat Robertson really meant:



More political fun. Because we have wars on terror to fight, people! Added bonus: political cheesecakery!

Speaking of the previous guy who was "worse than Hitler," Saddam Hussein wrote a letter vowing to sacrifice himself for Palestine and poor, suffering Iraq. Now that's love.

I like how the Army is planning for four more years in Iraq. It's always interesting to read what the people who are actually doing the fighting say and what the politicians say. Although, after the White House's promise of a quick war way back when, they probably now think keeping troops in Iraq longer is a good thing, because it gives them a chance to hammer away at the "war on terror" thing.

This is an interesting essay about what might have happened in Iraq if, you know, Bush and his cronies knew what they were doing. I found the link on Fall of the State.

Here's a fun story. Rush Limbaugh totally bashes Cindy Sheehan on his radio show, saying her story is completely false, and then, instead of apologizing (at least Robertson apologized), he tries to deny it ever happened, even deleting the transcript of the show from his web site. What a stupid, stupid human being.

Here's an interesting post on how to change American foreign policy, with a link to this article about bringing the troops home right now.

Ann Coulter, psycho bitch of the right-wing, said that New Yorkers would surrender immediately if the war was being fought here. Given a chance to recant, she repeated it. Good job, Ann. I got this from Donklephant. I really hate to say this, but the only reason ANYONE pays ANY attention to Coulter is because they think she's hot. That's it.

Here's an interesting story: A gay rights TV host chats with Pat Buchanan. Buchanan is fantastic - he's even more insane that the other Pat. Apparently the discussion was rather sedate. Gee, talking to each other instead of calling each other monsters - who would think it would work?

My vast legion of female readers will be happy to know that women's social rights are not critical to the evolution of democracy. It's true! Read the full transcript here. And speaking of women, according to this, women shouldn't have the vote. Among the reasons: women vote for fascists. I guess that's why women voted for Bush! I'm serious, by the way - that's really one of this guy's reasons. The link comes from Thoughts from Kansas, which I found at Science and Politics. You know what? We really should go back to only white, male, property owners having the right to vote. Good times.*

* I'm totally not saying that because I am a white, male, property owner. I'm saying it because it's just so logical that only those sorts can make decisions for the rest of you. Really.

This story has been in some different newspapers, but this is the one I'm linking to. I found it at The Huffington Post. So, basically, women's groups in Mexico are angry that an ad campaign to get men to stop eating rare turtle eggs (they're considered an aphrodisiac in Mexico) feature a hot model with a tag line that says, basically, that her men don't need anything to get them in the mood. Here are a couple of the ads:





Yes, I am ridiculously shallow in posting pictures of a scantily clad Argentine model, but it seems to me that for men, this is a pretty effective advertising campaign. They're trying to save an endangered species! And sex sells. It's a pretty happy marriage, if you ask me. But then, I'm a pig.

Chris Cope points us to this article, about the next great war: Canada v. Denmark! Oh the humanity! Why will they be fighting? Over some prime real estate:

Frozen islands near the North Pole!

Connecticut sues the federal government over No Child Left Behind. Excellent. Not a bad-intentioned act, but, as the state points out, it asks difficult things without giving schools any money to achieve them. Because, you know, Bush got through school fine without money from the feds!

Hey, you know that crazy maverick John McCain, who is willing to stand up to the president on tough issues and for whom a lot of Democrats have respect? Yeah, he thinks teaching intelligent design is fine. Gearing up for a presidential run, do you think? I found this at The Huffington Post.

John Rogers is angry at baby boomers. Boy, he gets some angry comments about it, too.

More anger! The Disgruntled Chemist is, well, very disgruntled about the state of the American media.

The Chemist also links to this story, (in a roundabout way), in which we find out that John Bolton wants to gut the United Nations. Good job, Bush and Co.!

Paul O'Brien talks about a documentary about Bolivian politics. Boring, say you? Bite your tongue! I would love to see this. Someday, perhaps.

Now that we've poisoned ourselves with politics, let's have some fun!

39 questions for Charlie Daniels about "The Devil Went Down to Georgia."

Dorian gives us what really should be the motto of our entire society:



I know it's been all over the web, but I can't resist the English subtitles in the Chinese version of Revenge of the Sith. How can you? Check out one of the frames:

Genius. More at the link.

It's the first and only (probably) anti-Haley Joel Osment site. This guy really hates Haley Joel Osment. This is from Daily Dose of Insanity.


Renee got this in the mail. I never get anything excellent like this.

Erinberry stole funny headlines from Jay Leno, so I steal one from her. This is my favorite:



Dinosaur comic strips! Found at Cosmic Variance.


Do you want to learn all about Fucking, Austria? Of course you do! I found this on Superblog!! The best part? The two small children underneath the sign are saying, "Please, not so fast."

The Columnist Manifesto links to Not Without My Handbag, which is a pretty funny site. Check it out!

Gordon links to the Church of Jack Klugman. All hail Quincy!

If you want to know how tough you are, Latigo Flint tells you a good way to find out. He, of course, is very tough.

I've seen this a couple other places, but it's worth linking to again: Klingon fairy tales. I found the link on Mr. Snitch.

Remember the Flying Spaghetti Monster? Of course you do. It's become very popular the past couple of weeks. I, of course, linked to this weeks ago. I'm so cutting-edge! Anyway, now Laura has linked to actual responses from the Kansas School Board about this marvelous deity.

Sean and Amy banter. It may not sound like much, but it's still funny.

Stick figure movie scenes. How many can you guess correctly? I got 14 out of 20 right, and 38 points out of 60. I suck. I got this from Sarcasmo's Corner, where there are many other links too.

Roxy sent me this link, about why sororities suck. Funny stuff. Earlier in the week, because she worries about my surfing abilities, she sent me this, which has to do with using urine in new and exciting ways.

Comic book geekery. So many parents' basements to live in, so few women to sleep with!

I should probably point out that my latest installment of Comics You Should Own is up here. Check it out - you won't be sorry!

Dorian is cranky again. It's always worth reading when Dorian is cranky.

Speaking of cranky, Kevin is often thus. In this post he praises The Fin (I kid you not) and bashes modern superhero comics.

Comics continue to infiltrate the mainstream, and this story is pretty interesting. It still has a weird condescending tone about comics pre- and post-Fredric Wertham. I found it at the Four Color Media Monitor.

Tom Peyer, who is always on the lookout for good stuff, links to Spire Christian Comics. Some of you may have seen the kind of stuff they published, but it's worth checking out again. Here's, I'm sure, a big seller for them:

So awesome. How much is this sucker worth, I wonder?

Former Intern Andy explains why the Flash kicks ass. He proves it rather well, I think.

Mike Sterling gives us the scariest picture of Batman ever. Seriously. Look upon it:



Here's an excellent (and pretty old, so you may have seen it) Superman joke.

Scipio waxes poetic about Dr. Domino. Who, you might ask?

Dr. Domino, man!

Continuing with The Absorbascon, as if we needed more proof that Robin is gay, Scipio gives us this picture, and then breaks it down for us:



More from The Absorbascon! Sometimes, as Scipio points out, it's all too easy:



Nik gives us a picture of Batman in a kilt:

Disturbing as that is, Nik breaks it down EVEN MORE, for your edification.

Brian Cronin posted a really excellent article about the formative years of Oracle. Go check it out. He talks about Suicide Squad #48, in which Barbara Gordon re-entered the DC Universe.

If you read comic book and you don't own Ostrander's Suicide Squad, you really ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Pop song lyrics deconstruction category. Yes, it warrants its own category this week!


Chris Cope links to this, which breaks down Gwen Stefani's lyrics. Yes, it's a lame excuse to post a picture of Ms. Stefani, but what the hell. The deconstruction is really funny.

And because breaking down one pop song isn't enough, some watery tart deconstructs Mariah Carey.

This week's Signs of the Apocalypse.


This is the cover of Nicole Richie's book, which I stole from here. Now, ignoring how weird and, well, dead she looks in the picture, let's repeat that again: NICOLE RICHIE'S BOOK. There is no God.

Remember when playing with Barbie dolls was good, wholesome fun? I sure do! Now, the always-interesting Mike Sterling links to this:

If you're thinking to yourself, "Is that an Elektra Barbie doll, complete with sais?" then you're in touch with the target demographic! Get yours today!

Here's a charming story about an Ohio couple who planned to sell a 15-year-old girl for a packet of cocaine in Pittsburgh. If they had been from New York or Los Angeles, they would have been called anti-American. But they're from a flyover state, so the girl must have been a whore. I got this at Bobo's World.

Hey, remember Punky Brewster? Well, just because she has a horrible first name, does she have to inflict it on her child? Seriously, there oughtta be a law.

Onward to the miscellaneous. The true meaning of life is found in the margins!

First, the marginally newsworthy:

Here are some interesting thoughts about Thomas Herrion, the San Francisco lineman who dropped dead last week. Included in the article is this link to an article about the life expectancy of NFL players, which is 55. Think about that. Almost 20 years less than the rest of us.

This is an interesting post about the explosion of the Indian population through people finding their Indian ancestors. It includes a link to this (very long) article about the phenomenon.

This is an interesting article about girls in Swaziland giving up an ancient chastity rite that had been revived because of the threat of AIDS. It's a really interesting peek into a culture that is completely alien to us.


Hey, look! It's a Moog synthesizer! Everyone heard that Robert Moog died, right? If you don't know what a Moog synthesizer is, you obviously never listened to any music in the 1970s or 1980s. I stole the picture from The Beat.

Here's an interesting article: fetuses may not feel pain. This, of course, has inflamed the pro-life people, because that stupid "science" doesn't agree with their views. Damned science!

Guess what? After the NCAA valiantly took a stand against offensive school nicknames (I didn't necessarily agree with it, but it was nice to see them asserting themselves), this week they ruled that Florida State, the most vocal of the dissidents, can still use "Seminoles." It wouldn't have anything to do with the football team and the all-powerful Bobby Bowden, would it? Stupid NCAA. If you're going to make a stand, make a goddamned stand.

Even though he survived his assassination attempt, John Paul II should be considered a martyr. Man, they REALLY want to canonize him, don't they?

Hey, you know how all that great, centuries-old art in Europe has caused them to sleep with pigs and smoke unfiltered cigarettes and embrace demonic political systems like socialism? Yeah, I thought so. Well, luckily enough, travel shows are now being labeled "for mature audiences only" for showing statues of corrupting art pieces like David and Venus. Thank all that's holy! I found this at The Giant Fighting Robot Report.

Donklephant links to this, a story about a coronal mass ejection from the sun on Monday. What does it look like? I'm so glad you asked:

Astronomy is awesome.

A Phoenix woman is selling an original copy of the Book of Mormon. What's so strange about that, you might ask? She's doing it one page at a time! She is ripping the book apart and selling the pages to individual buyers. Historians and bibliophiles are horrified, of course. The sucker is worth a ton o' money and there aren't many in existence.

Finally, just the good, weird miscellany:

Woody reminds me about Roadside America, which I hadn't visited in a long time. Good stuff.

Learn all about the Infancy Gospel of Thomas. Jesus kills people! Maybe Pat Robertson isn't as scripturally inaccurate as we thought ...

San Nakji went to King Sejong's gravesite:

Who is King Sejong? Well, you'll just have to click over and find out, won't you?

Don't you want to know about the history of punctuation? Who wouldn't? This is from Language Hat. This past Monday, in case you didn't know, was National Punctuation Day.

Here's a story about a woman who was offended by her doctor's advice about her obesity. Sigh. The good news is, she no longer seems to be offended and is trying to lose weight. But this is ridiculous.

This story is about a Malaysian man who was arrested with porn in his underwear. I'm serious. Go read it for the fun details!

Waxing poetic about the Euro. Yes, the currency of Europe. Who knew?

Jewel, winsome Alaskan pop star and "poet," has decided her poems about her boyfriend are too steamy to publish. If you flipped through her first book of poetry, A Night Without Armor, you can just substitute the word "sucky" for "steamy." Yeah, that's a cheap shot. Whattaya gonna do?

This is pretty interesting: The origin of Murgatroyd. As in, "Heavens to Murgatroyd!" You all say that, right? This is from Monitor Duty.


Tara Reid has admitted her breasts are fake. I got this picture here, where an excellent question about silicone is asked. Remember when Tara Reid was a mildly entertaining actress? Yeah, me neither.


I always thought Thomas Jane was a low-rent Christopher Lambert, and here's proof!


The Columnist Manifesto visited a circus museum. As he points out, what they considered freaks back then are serving him coffee today.


Pharyngula has a link to a page with covers of pulp magazines, all with an octopus on them! In the same post, he has a bunch of other octopus and squid-related stuff.

Well, that's all for this week. I hope you liked them!