Troy is not a good movie
Yes, it's a movie-o-rama here at the blog. Troy was on HBO tonight, and for a while, I was thinking, "Hey, this isn't bad." I have a man-crush on Brad Pitt anyway, so it's nice to see him in a movie, and the whole epic thing was going well. Nice fighting, nice acting, all good. Then it all went wrong. If you haven't seen the movie yet and would like to, stop reading. I'M GIVING IT ALL AWAY!
Okay, Hector kills Patroclus. Then Achilles kills Hector and drags him around the walls. Okay. In the Iliad, as far as I remember, Paris then kills Achilles. This makes the Greeks despair, so they think about leaving until Odysseus convinces them that they can make it seem that they left and the Trojans will take the horse inside the walls. It makes sense that way.
We can't kill Brad Pitt before he does more heroic things, however. So Wolfgang Petersen doesn't kill him before the horse goes inside. There's no reason for the Greeks to leave, especially because the Trojans have lost their greatest warrior, Hector. Achilles is inside the fucking horse! The whole point of the horse is that the Greeks can't defeat the Trojans without tricking them, and that's why Odysseus is the "hero." Achilles would never hide inside the horse like a coward. That's what Odysseus, who is a huge coward, does. Then he wanders around the city looking for his little Trojan girlfriend, who ends up killing Agememnon. WTF? Another cogent point of the Iliad is that Agememnon survives because he's a jerk and good at staying out of danger. Then he goes home and finds out that Clytemnestra has been fooling around behind his back. It's all poetic, get it? After the girl kills Agememnon, Paris shows up and kills Achilles. It's at the very end of the movie, because Brad Pitt is the star.
But it makes no freakin' sense! I can deal with Menelaus dying in the war even though he doesn't in the Iliad. I can deal with the absence of a homosexual relationship between Achilles and Patroclus. But to wreck the whole thrust of the narrative and the lessons Homer was trying to teach just so Brad Pitt can act more like a hero sucks. Up until the last half hour, Troy was a decent movie. Then it went to shit. That is, of course, my humble opinion.
Krys mentions that it would have been worth it if we had actually seen Brad Pitt naked more often. I'm not that far gone in my man-crush, but she has a point. What's up, Brad?
Okay, Hector kills Patroclus. Then Achilles kills Hector and drags him around the walls. Okay. In the Iliad, as far as I remember, Paris then kills Achilles. This makes the Greeks despair, so they think about leaving until Odysseus convinces them that they can make it seem that they left and the Trojans will take the horse inside the walls. It makes sense that way.
We can't kill Brad Pitt before he does more heroic things, however. So Wolfgang Petersen doesn't kill him before the horse goes inside. There's no reason for the Greeks to leave, especially because the Trojans have lost their greatest warrior, Hector. Achilles is inside the fucking horse! The whole point of the horse is that the Greeks can't defeat the Trojans without tricking them, and that's why Odysseus is the "hero." Achilles would never hide inside the horse like a coward. That's what Odysseus, who is a huge coward, does. Then he wanders around the city looking for his little Trojan girlfriend, who ends up killing Agememnon. WTF? Another cogent point of the Iliad is that Agememnon survives because he's a jerk and good at staying out of danger. Then he goes home and finds out that Clytemnestra has been fooling around behind his back. It's all poetic, get it? After the girl kills Agememnon, Paris shows up and kills Achilles. It's at the very end of the movie, because Brad Pitt is the star.
But it makes no freakin' sense! I can deal with Menelaus dying in the war even though he doesn't in the Iliad. I can deal with the absence of a homosexual relationship between Achilles and Patroclus. But to wreck the whole thrust of the narrative and the lessons Homer was trying to teach just so Brad Pitt can act more like a hero sucks. Up until the last half hour, Troy was a decent movie. Then it went to shit. That is, of course, my humble opinion.
Krys mentions that it would have been worth it if we had actually seen Brad Pitt naked more often. I'm not that far gone in my man-crush, but she has a point. What's up, Brad?
posted by Greg | 8:44 PM
4 Comments:
Man-crushes are the best! I can't think of a single man crush I've regretted...unlike my Lindsay Lohan crush.
And just to make this comment super fruity:
Greg, have you seen Mama Mia, and if so, is it any good?
No, I haven't. I live in a place where culture comes to die. My mother saw it in London and said it was awesome. Well, she said the story was cheesy, but the songs were great. I would love to see it. Some day!
If you know anything about the Iliad why did you bother to see the movie? Couldn't you tell it was crap from the trailer?
For a much better take on the Iliad I'd recommend you pick up ACHILLES IN VIETNAM by Jonathan Shay. It'll change your mind about a bunch of things and increase your understanding on a whole range of things. Pick it up!!!
Thanks for the recommendation, Anonymous. I watched the movie because it was free (well, free because I already get HBO) and there was nothing else on. And my aforementioned man-crush on Brad Pitt.
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