Draft Zach Feinstein!
"As a 5'8" 130 pound Caucasian, I am the perfect candidate for professional basketball. Also, I do not play basketball.
You see, I am not currently on my college's basketball team (Division 3 just for reference) nor did I try out to be. I was at no point on my high school's basketball team nor did I try out to be. I was at no point on my middle school's basketball team nor did I try out to be. The last time I was on a basketball team was before Bill Clinton got caught with his pants down.
So there you have it, I, Zach Feinstein, am in the 2008 NBA Draft."
Feinstein attends Washington University in St. Louis, and he has a page that gives his "stats," which are estimated from pick-up games that he plays. He also has some fun facts about his stats, such as his total for "rebound": "Only to get over Sarah." He claims to have a high basketball IQ, but his obvious weakness is that he "lacks actual basketball skills, ability, and experience."
He's actually in the draft - apparently it's not that difficult to put your name into the selection process. The Arizona Republic suggests the Suns draft him because they don't use the end of their bench anyway, so why not get someone who's goofy and will get you some publicity? He'd probably be cheaper than a "real" basketball player anyway.
Someone needs to draft Zach Feinstein. Look at this form:
He's a natural!